This rain feels like it's never going to end

[LiberalEsto]

It's so cold, so gray, so dismal outside.

The news online is so grim: slaughter in Gaza and elsewhere around the world, the economy continuing to sink, more and more layoffs. It looks like the Bush Misadministration may get away scot-free despite all its crimes.

My husband, laid off a couple of weeks ago, has sent out more than 30 resumes and applications, but the phone has been quiet all day. I found a job I qualified for and sent in a resume and cover letter yesterday, but once again, no response. We are sitting around the house like a pair of ghosts silently worrying.

I've posted stuff here and there on DU, and nothing gets a response, except on this forum. It's like we're all in our bubbles. I almost feel like I don't really exist.

Am I still here?

[conscious evolution]

1. Hang in there

This,too,shall pass.
As for the job thing-Quit looking for a job and make yourself a job.It may be scary at first but you will be a lot happier in the long run.

[LiberalEsto]

14. That's a very good point.

I've given up on finding a newspaper job, and have instead been looking for freelance work and trying to sell a fantasy novel for kids 8-12. So far, no luck. I'm not sure what to do next.

[I Have A Dream]

2. Yes, you're still here...

and we're still here for you.

I'm sorry that the world in general seems so gray right now. :(

I'll say another prayer on behalf of your family. :hug::hug:

[LiberalEsto]

8. Thanks

I needed to read that. You're a sweetheart.

[Kind of Blue]

3. Hi, LiberalEsto.

At times like this I know worrying does no good but create more of itself. So perhaps it's time to lighten the mood because you've done everything possible, and there's nothing at this moment to do. So why waste the precious time worrying? Maybe both you and your husband together can do something that does not require money but will create a lot of laughter, some good feelings to change the mood, shine some light on the darkness. You can always pick up the worry stick later. How about starting with counting blessings? I'll start.

-I'm thankful that everyone I know and love are alive and well in 2009.
-I'm thankful that my mom and dad just called to tell me of their Christmas of 1958.
-I'm very thankful that right now my back is not killing me.
-I'm thankful that I have a $2.99 bottle of wine to look forward to later. It's cheap but not bad!
-I'm thankful to have seen my sister and brother in law this weekend. We went to the casino and she won money and gave me some.
-I'm thankful that though my husband's company may be on shaky ground, we both resolved last night that we've been through the worst 8years economically and we'll get through it again together.
You're it :)

[LiberalEsto]

9. You're right

I usually do a list of affirmations at Full Moon, and it's coming up in a couple of days.

[MagickMuffin]

4. Yes, you are still here, and I understand the frustration you feel posting on DU

and never getting responses. I really don't understand it myself, the only thing I can come to any conclusions are there are always cliques and either you are part of the clique or you're ignored.

I sometimes feel like why bother when no one seems to care what you have to say. But here I am responding to someone who knows what it feels like to be ignored, because I DO care. :hug:

You can't make anyone respond to what you have to say. I've even been ignored on the ASHA forum. It made me wonder if I existed, or if I pissed someone off, but I guess I'll never know why someone doesn't respond to what I have to say.

I have friends (a husband wife team) who treat me the same way, instead of discussing why they are upset with me they just totally shut me out of their lives. The wife is the one who has the problem with us, yet she keeps her husband from having anything to do with us as well. The man has been a friend of my hubby's since Jr. high school.

***********************************

I'm sorry you and your hubby are having trouble right now. I hope things turn around soon for the both of you. Maybe you'll hear from some of the companies you have sent resumes out to, but apparently there are probably a lot of people vying for the same jobs. So, perhaps you guys will have the best qualifications for the jobs you're reaching out too.

We have a multimedia company (just my hubby and I) and we have a client who's been holding up payments to us. It's very difficult trying to get them to pay their invoices. We have one outstanding invoice that they said they would pay half at the end of Dec. and the other half the first of Jan. well no payments or attempts at contacting us about making arrangements to pay the invoice.

I will send out good vibes for the two of you and please don't despair. I'll also send you another :hug:

[I Have A Dream]

6. I'm sorry that you sometimes feel ignored here, MagickMuffin.

Because I'm working so much, I often only have time to just read one or two short posts quickly while something else is happening for a minute. By then, something will come up that forces me away from DU. (I'm a computer programmer, so I check DU while my code is compiling and linking, which usually just takes a minute or so.) Because of this, it's been difficult to always respond even when I want to do so. Please know that you're valued here. :hug:

[MagickMuffin]

16. Thank you IHAD

:hug:

I do try and be an uplifting spirit. I want to bring additional help to the group and offer my insights, but like I said I'm not sure why some choose to ignore me:shrug: I do tend to take notice of when I add to someone's post and get ignored, although I don't hold it against them. I just decided that they chose not to relate to what I have to say.

I'm generally not someone who likes attending on own pity parties, which I'm not inclined to having at all. I usually just move on.

You are an inspiration here and I appreciate your kindness.

[LiberalEsto]

10. Thanks, MM

I'm sorry you feel the same way, but it's also helpful to know I'm not alone.

I wonder whether a lot of people on DU are feeling let down and a bit depressed. Sometimes folks get so preoccupied with their own issues that they don't notice anybody else's.

[MagickMuffin]

17. Well we can chart this ship of despair and head to clearer waters

We don't need to feel depressed about it, even though it does make me wonder what the deal is with members here and how they interact with one another.

I've noticed that it just isn't a DU phenomenon of people being mean. I've gone to other forums when looking for answers to questions I have. Some people just choose to be asses. It really is amazing. My hubby who goes to electronic music forums has discovered the same thing on them.

So, I guess my conclusion is there are always going to be asses in the world when they hide behind a keyboard. I'm not accusing anyone in the ASHA group of this behavior by any means. Most people here are really nice, but there are a few who don't have anything to say to me:shrug: I don't let it get me down.

Just remember that you are not alone there are people here who care and are willing to be helpful even when we think we can't bear it any longer by ourselves. I've noticed that you have received a lot of positive feedback here.

Let the light shine through your inner being and radiate outwards.

[Why Syzygy]

23. I always enjoy your posts.

Also, I don't always reply to every reply to me. So, I may be guilty. Lots of times I don't know anything appropriately worthwhile to say in response. I'm learning not to feel badly when I get "ignored".

About the best way in the main forums to get response is to say something inflammatory. Not always on the menu.

[MagickMuffin]

42. I don't generally feel bad about being "ignored" it's more of a strange feeling

like what I say isn't read or it's not worth a reply. I try not to set myself up for feeling bad about anything that I can't control by what I post on DU.

I like sharing information in the cyber-world. In the real world I like to share my cooking talent with friends, as well as information, and conversation.

One of our clients is the most gracious man I know and I love to cook for him. I'll cook up a dinner whenever we go over to his house for a meeting. He always compliments me on my cooking skills which feeds my ego. :blush:

[Why Syzygy]

5. I'm so sorry.

Recently I started asking myself this question: "What is the worst that can happen if I feel happy (even though everything in my life is shattered)?" I face homelessness. Something happened in December to pay my rent. Some friends needed a place to stay and paid it in exchange. I'm packing now to move in with a relative until it gets warmer and I can go camping without risking freezing to death. My health is not great. I saw family at Christmas for the first time in four years. We don't relate. How dare I be happy! I also quit watching NEWS. It all got so gamey feeling to me. Fake. I started to experiment with letting a happy feeling creep in now and then. Instead of snooze, I watch syndicated sit coms. I laugh as much as possible because I believe it will keep me healthy even if I don't feel happy all the time.

I was waking up in terror. Will I have enough cash to make the move? I've rearranged my plans to save money. Will I get everything packed in time? What if something happens to my car? On and on the panics. I'm savoring my last moments of freedom before having to live in someone else's house again. All my small comforts will be gone. But it dawned on me. The comfort feelings are within me. There's nothing magical about THIS place. As long as I have myself with me, I am capable of conjuring comfort feelings at least SOME of the time. I can endure the uncomfortable times one moment at a time as they are presented. I resort to a trick and tell myself that when the time comes, I will have everything I need to handle the situation. It takes away the projection. As long as I am with myself, I am fine.

:grouphug: I'm glad you come here. Your post broke my heart.

[LiberalEsto]

11. You have such a strong spirit

and even though you're going through extremely difficult times, I'm sure you'll come through it okay. Homelessness! That's one of my unspoken fears. I hope everything works out for you.

I think I'd be in a lot better shape if:

1) the sun would come out tomorrow and
2) there were some sign that B*sh/Ch*n*y weren't going to get away with it.

[Why Syzygy]

13. I don't know

about the weather. But, I'm resolved to the almost certain fact that they will get away. We live in a very corrupt world. It obviously isn't just "them", otherwise honest leaders would demand justice. The only conclusion is we have no honest leaders. Still I have faith that everything on the world stage is as it should be. I absolutely do believe in a day of reckoning.

Here's wishing the sun will shine there tomorrow. Have you checked the forecast?

edit: I think homelessness is everyone's worst fear. We require shelter for survival after all! But, once it is a certain fact, the fear goes away, as it is realized that I can count on myself.

Sleep as much as you need right now.
Don't deprive yourself in any way of things that won't hurt you.

[LiberalEsto]

15. Yes I did. It might clear up.

As Dave points out, imagine if all this dratted rain were snow.

[FirstLight]

20. Lemonade, baby!

You DO carry that feeling of comfort within...I really "get" that! I have moved more in the last 5 years than ever before in my life, and even though I am in the same town, I still have to get the stuff moved, and then there's the "settling" ...which I am always afraid to do because I on't know when I am going to have to go again...
I hate renting, but I would have lost a house if I had one ... no money is no money

The money thing is causing a lot of grief at this time and we are all behooved to go outside and experience God/des's abundance !
There is always enough color for a great sunset, always enough snowflakes to make magic in the air, always enough of our own "comfort" which comes from turning off the TV and geting in the groove of it all! thanks for reminding me of that too!

you will be just fine sweetie, I know we are all strong spirits here, and many of us have hearts of gold and mush! ;)
keep finding your joy, it will be our flotation device in times ahead!:spray:

:grouphug:
I love all you guys!:bounce: B-) :freak: :silly:

[MorningGlow]

7. Bad time of year, too

LE: :hug:

This is the toughest time of year; the holidays are over, and with them goes the sense of anticipation. Now there's "nothing" to look forward to until spring (so we tend to think). Add the weather and the general dullness of winter, and we think these first few months of the year are something to be endured, not welcomed.

But now is the perfect time to go to ground, to hibernate. To wait. Yes, we are all in our bubbles, but that's not necessarily a bad thing (unless we're crying out for an ear, as you said--then it's frustrating). While we hibernate, we can go inside ourselves and gain insight into our deepest nature, our hopes and dreams, and yes, our fears. As Votes said upthread, once we look inside ourselves we can find we dare to be happy (and to hope).

I'm sorry your husband was laid off. These are such tough times for so many, and unfortunately he's not alone. But it's only been a couple of weeks, right? This time of year there's not much movement on the job front--employers tend do take it slowly during January and pick up speed after that. If you can hang in there financially, you should have better news in the coming weeks. Sending light for progress on the job front.

You certainly do exist, LE. We love you and support you.

[LiberalEsto]

12. Oh, MorningGlow

I read your post and started crying. Thank you!

I often wish I could hibernate at this time of year.

[rosesaylavee]

18. Yep. It's January!

It's solid gray here too with snow on alternate days. The sun shown last week and it was amazingly bright - really appreciate it when it's not visible for days at a time.

I struggle with the dark days at this time of year - used to have full spectrum light bulbs in some areas before I changed them all to cfls and they do help. ONe thing that works for me - I try to find a good science fantasy book - something that will take me out of this reality all together - when I get to January. Haven't been to the library yet to find one this month yet.. but it's on my list to do this week.

We don't know that Bush et al won't get theirs. Psychic Consortium's posts were pretty definitive about it happening tho so I am at a wait and see on that.

I think most here would agree that DU is nuts lately - not itself at all. Very few humorous threads - not a lot of joking around. I think everyone is wound just about as tight as they can stand it. But good thing is - we have this forum. That is a blessing.

[FirstLight]

19. WE are here ....together....

I want to reply to you before reading all the other replies, because I want to share the bubble WITH you.

I know what you mean, I understand on so many levels. I too am having the economy and dread hit me hard here & there. I am scared to hope, and yet here and with you and folks here, I DO find my hope more often than not.
Hang in there is our motto right now
we're hanging, we're weightless, we are flying...soon, I know! I hope. I believe, I wish, I pray, I fear....

The waves are palpable, I agree my friend.
I went back to college for the first time seriously in ten+ years, and I felt so weird.
Especialy when 10+ years ago I was on student council and 27!
I was working at the paper and high on my opportunities, and I was 2 kids & 30 pounds less of a woman...
and I have some more Life experience that makes me look at those around me and think how much more I "know"
I am grateful, bumps & bruises, scars and wisdom...
ALL of it is worth being able to see across the bridge in Time at THIS moment and know that the choices I am making may be ridiculous in the long term, but for now - they matter

I also am going to be re-applying for aid and food stamps...the only 2 other times I was on aid was at 22-26 in college with a baby, and after leaving my ex abuser husband and being too unstable to work for 1-2 years - that was in 2004...so I feel like a failure having to be "back here" again...but at the same time I 'know' SOOOO much more. So I get to take that into account.

We will make it, sistah!
We have the hard knocks to make us aware to use ALL our resources, it makes us more creative to know how to pull of this kind of survival for such a duration. If you and I and so many more actually 'make it'
through this shift in one piece - we will have the know how to rebuild what WE choose.
it's coming
let's try and own the opportunity that comes from finding your bucket empty - you can fill it with anything!

:grouphug:

And for practice, I get to re-read my own pep talk to you from time to time and try & remember to believe it in the face of the craziness happening in the world around me!

[LiberalEsto]

34. Thank you for that thoughtful and encouraging reply

You have a lot of wisdom, JournalGirl. This forum has the most wonderful, supportive folks in all of DU.

[wovenpaint]

21. It's "hibernation" time

I get the same way up here in NE. We miss the sun...I've found that consciously surrounding myself with the brightest colors I can find helps me through the winter. You don't need to wear them-just find a space that you can hang out in and hang colors!
Of course that being said, I just found a bright yellow fleece top at the thrift store to wear, it feels sooooo good on, who cares if it's "my" color or not...
Sending prosperous vibes your way and hope things get better for you and yours.

:hi:I'm imagining us as a sparkley bubble froth (like you get with a bubble pipe), just bursting forth here..hehee :pals:

[LiberalEsto]

33. Bubbles sound good

Thank you.
You're right about color. I crave color at this time of year.

I've got a sunny yellow kitchen and warm gold and rosy tones in the living room and dining room, and they definitely help.

[Celebration]

22. Hugs to all here

I would love to be able to cast a money spell on this whole thread. I've also been thinking also that everyone looking for a job could start a separate barter economy.

I know what you mean about people not responding other places. I just sort of barely participate in the Photography group. Someone (an outsider) came wanting people to comment about the pictures he took of his dogs. Everybody was eerily silent. So, finally I posted something. Mostly I just lurk there, mainly because I think people won't answer me.

So, it's like this--The people who don't get responses need to hang out and respond to each other. The people who are looking for jobs can maybe get together and exchange goods and services in a barter fashion.

We are really all here to support each other.

[rosesaylavee]

24. Do you think it possible that everyone is collectively depressed

and/or worried about the future? I don't see lot of DUers overall on DU in general anymore. Personally, I used to post a lot but just don't respond now as before - usually think my response is not all that unique - never used to even occur to me to hesitate but I do now. People seem apathetic, angry or extremely sad. Not a fun site like it was prior to the primaries and the economy hitting the wall.

We do need to stick together here. This is a great great forum. It's very comforting to come in here and see friendly and kind responses to posts. And I bet there are a lot of others who just come here to lurk because it's a kind and thoughtful place to hang out.

[Celebration]

25. I think you are right about the worry

The euphoria of the election is over and reality is setting in. It's January and people are getting a little light deprived,too.

Even here, there are lots of times I would like to respond to posts, but I just get a little tongue tied, so to speak. One thing is that I'm not a particularly good listener. I want to skip that step and just try to fix everything. But I'm trying to learn. I still wish I knew a money spell (That's the fixer in me).

[rosesaylavee]

28. Fixer here too

I spent a little time this morning spending my future lotto winnings on family and friends who needed it... ummm, in my mind that is while I sipped my coffee. :)

[LiberalEsto]

29. Absolutely!

I do think a lot of people are extremely worried about the future, financially and otherwise.

My 22-year-old daughter, who is usually oblivious to things outside her immediate world, told me the other day she was shocked that some of her close friends are giving up apartments and moving home to help their families with finances. In other words, they are sacrificing their new independence to help out their parents by contributing rent money to the household.

Your comment about needing to stick together is a great idea. I was hesitating about posting my original issues because I didn't want to sound too whiny.

But now I'm glad I did, because it sounds like we're drawing together as a circle of mutual support.

Where can we take this energy?

[LiberalEsto]

32. I did a prosperity spell last Sunday

which included everyone in the world. I forgot to add the part about "according to free will, and for the good of all" from Marion Weinstein's "Positive Magic".

Maybe we can cook up something together for the Full Moon this Saturday night.

[Digit]

26. You are very much here!

You will both find jobs, but I know in the meantime how trying these times can be. Keep in mind that employers are still getting resettled from the holidays. You are in the DC Metro area and there are opportunities there for you yet to be discovered.

I don't mean to preach, but I am also unemployed and have to fight the fear that starts to creep in.
I found if I don't, the fear cripples me.

Things will get better for you.
I can see in my mind's eye; you posting your good news and all of us rejoicing with you.
I will continue to visualize that happening.

:hug:

[LiberalEsto]

30. Wow, thanks!

I've always been a worrier, and I have to fight that tendency.

[Dover]

27. Hi LiberalEsto. What a wonderful thread!

I can become so deeply introverted this time of year.

Particularly when I lived up north.
I remember the looooong winters and really struggled with it also.
Sunlight was always such a good friend when it would visit, but
my energies just wanted to surrender like a bear looking for a cave in which to hibernate.
Sometimes my roommate and I would rent a travel video of some tropical paradise with crystal blue waters, warm sands and few clothes and we would feel the waves wash over us. A blissful retreat.

As dark as my moods could get, I did discover such richness in that internal space as well. That stillness seemed to heighten my more feminine, receptive energies and I found myself so moved by music, art, and felt inspired to write poetry or just explore new "rooms" within and revisit parts of my self that seemed to get put away with the winter clothes in Spring.

It's probably a good idea to take great care in what we expose ourselves to when we are in these
vulnerable and delicate receptive states. For instance a constant stream of news/media, or worry/negative thoughts might feel more overwhelming than at other times.

I remember last winter sharing some of those wintery moods with other ASAH members which really
helped too, as does this thread.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=245&topic_id=61363

I hope you find ways to wrap this greyness around you like a warm fur blanket, and snuggle in.
Perhaps dare to dream of yourself in a new 'job' or activity which really feeds you.

:grouphug:


P.S. - these 'timeouts' or rather 'timeins' are also supported astrologically with a retrograde Saturn and a soon to be retrograde Mercury.

[LiberalEsto]

31. Yes! I'm glad I posted it

Initially I was kind of embarrassed at being such a mess, but this thread has developed a wonderful energy of its own. It's like a spell in which everybody adds elements of their own to create the magic.

The sun finally came out today and I feel much better. I've been diligently using a Sun Box for the SAD since October, but with all the other pressures and anxieties, the endless rain made everything intolerable.

Winter has its purposes, just like sleep. They make us pause and rest. I loved the thread you posted last year. The poetry and images are beautiful. Thank you.

[Dover]

37. ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....

:o ...the sun'll come out TOmorrow, bet your bottom dollar that tomorroow, there'll be Suuuuun! B-)

This thread is a creative "mess". :grouphug:

[wovenpaint]

39. hee hee, i love "creative messes"

I call your "Tomorrow", and raise you a "Living in the Sunshine"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_G_QpxZ-ShA&feature=related


:D :hi: thinking this thread may help us to get thru the winter....:grouphug:

[northernlights]

35. you are still here, hard to believe as it is...

I felt the same way after I was laid off back in Feb. 2002. My phone just didn't ring no matter how many resumes I sent out. And the only email I got was spam. My former friends just retreated into their own lives. or disappeared.

7 years later, it is the same. My phone very rarely rings, unless I have initiated some specific business.

I turned to the internet to validate my existance. I spend far too much online in the cyber world, so be careful it too can become an addiction.

Going back to school helped for a while, but right now with school loans and my bank account drying up at the same time, it's pretty scary. At those times, I make plans. If I'm going to end up living in my car with my dog, cat and birds, then I'll trade in the little commuter car for a van. And make sure I have enough cash set aside to drive us all to a warm climate. I imagine how I'll arrange the van. Finding a home for things I can't bring along. etc...

[Why Syzygy]

36. We should pool resources.

The idea of living on the road doesn't bother me. I have a small fixed income and don't eat much. I would want to work a trade up to a vehicle with a generator to avoid weather hazards. Actually I recently met someone who lives in an RV and travels all the time for work. I may be able to hitch a ride with her for a month or two later in the year. I'm a hard worker and good cook! :D

I got old all of a sudden, and it carries a new set of rules no one told me about! I've also wondered if doing something like this has a back door to income. I envision myself finally getting back to some drawing and writing. And lots of nature watching.

edit: ps .. living in nature, at least in my imagination, is much preferable to what I've been doing with all the money worries, never having enough, constant insecurities. I need a rest.

[Kookaburra]

38. I feel like I'm in the middle of Book 6 of the Harry Potter series...

You know when the dementors bust out of Azkaban, and a misty, cloudy, chilly, generally icky weather pattern takes over. We've seen very little sun in NC lately. Even when it's not raining, it's cloudy and misty and gross.

Guess it'll make springtime just that much more welcome.

[Dover]

40. Sounds like you need to learn a sunshine spell....

OR go out and buy some very bright flowers for your house that are particularly aromatic.

I think the migrating birds have it all figured out...

[Kookaburra]

41. I like the flowers idea

I'm willing to try the sunshine spell, but don't really know any (unless I missed on in the thread).

[Flying Dream Blues]

43. I wish I had some sunshine to give you. I resonate with the bubble idea

because after the emotional and physical onslaught that the holidays bring, I'm sort of in my own little cocoon by choice, gathering my strength. I also read more than I reply, because I sometimes feel my thoughts are too scattered. I write replies and then delete them. Sometimes I don't post also because I'm not feeling strong enough to be "ignored" or have to wonder and second-guess myself for what I wrote. Other times I don't seem to mind. But I surely do hate thinking you're feeling ignored. You're still here and here's a :hug:

I'm sending good job and uplifting vibes to you and your hubby, and some virtual sunshine, too.