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Here's a synopsis of a seminar which deals with stress. It seems to be very similar to some spiritual work that I've been studying.
1) Practice Stop-Breathe-Reflect-Choose. Remember that regardless of the external circumstances which we may or may not be able to control, we can always influence our own behavior. Start there and always strive to attain a sense of freedom before acting.
2) Stress is created and our judgment is clouded when we are personally and emotionally involved with what happens. Always get off the drug of stress first, whenever possible, before acting.
3) Start with the little things. Two pound weights are things that bother you ever so slightly. When you go to a gym to start working out, you don't start with the heaviest barbell. We build strength by slowly increasing the load we work with. There will always be some things that we just react to rather than choosing our response -- there will always be some weights we cannot lift. This is not a failure any more than the inability to lift a piano is a "failure." It is simply too heavy. We want to get stronger every week. Someday you will be able to lift things that you can't imagine lifting today.
4) Gain perspective by "watching the movie" with someone else playing "your" part. Picturing someone else breaks the feeling of being personally and emotionally involved. An alternative to watching the movie is to give advice to an imagined "friend" who is in a similar situation. If your friend were facing this situation, how would you advise him or her?
5) Don't yell at the movie. Remember how we laugh when children yell to warn the hero of impending danger in a movie? It is no more helpful for us to mentally yell at the hundreds of little things that bother us. Don't repress the feeling, just recognize that it is not helpful. Skiers do not yell at the mountain. Tennis players do not yell at the ball. They do, however, get the ball. They just do not wish it were elsewhere.
6) See the world as it is, rather than as you would like it to be. We generally are so anxious to have the other person change, that we don't really put our mind towards a solution or see how we can change. As well as reducing our stress, we are also much more easily able to come up with solutions we haven't been able to see before.
7) It is often not the circumstance that bothers us, but our feelings about it. Being bumped on a bus no longer bothers us when we see the person who bumped us is blind. It's our judgment that the person should have behaved differently that causes stress, not the hurt ribs. We are all blind at one time or another. We all act like robots at one time or another. It is not up to us to figure out or judge why someone else does what they do. Our job is how we respond.
8) This process is directional. The idea is to make gradual improvements over time. If we can lift only 10 pounds today, shoot for 20 tomorrow. If 100 today, 120 tomorrow. there will always be a 500 pound weight out there somewhere, but if we are doing everything we can to increase our strength, we will maximize the chance we can handle whatever comes to us.
9) Stepping back is not a suggestion to be passive. In fact, once we step back and can see clearly, our actions become more decisive and effective. The key is to act from freedom and not because we have a need for things to be different. Once we are free, we can do whatever we deem necessary or desirable. This does not let people off the hook who behave badly, nor does it make us a doormat. It focuses on what we are responsible for first and foremost: our own behavior and response. After taking care of that number one responsibility, we can then examine, from a position of strength and clarity, what should be done about the external behavior or situation we feel is wrong. This clarity will also make us better able to take action calmly and see solutions we would not have otherwise seen.
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