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i can relate about the PTSD diagnosis. It took me a long time to come to terms with being diagnosed with it, mainly because from what I was reading there was no "cure."
At the time I was very angry, very assured that I could "get over" what was bothering me, and very much convinced that it was other people who were the problem, not me.
But looking back I see now how it was all about fear for me - of losing control, of being labeled "defective" (as you said) and of others not being properly punished for what they had done to me.
Once I got over my intial indignation, and received some counseling on how to deal with "triggers" and other situations with the potential to become "volatile" I was glad I knew exactly what I was fighting.
I still struggle with it - one of my triggers is injustice against someone weaker lol - but journaling over the years - writing down my mental dialog when I had bad thoughts of rage or self-destructive thoughts - helped me to see the pattern, how the downward spiral starts and how I can nip it in the bud.
i went through a terrible spell of agoraphobia and avoidance, but then I moved to a rural area and found a lot of wonderful friends who live simple lives and accept me for who i am. Now I know that friendship is very healing for me and getting out of the house does wonders for me if I start to feel disconnected or worthless again.
It's a lifelong struggle, but I think overall the diagnosis can help you in so many ways. I think more people have PTSD in this nutso society than we even imagine, because of all the violence and bullying in our culture, because of its fast pace and all the traumas and tragedies that just happen in this life.
Thanks for keeping us posted and hope things continue to work for you, even if a bit differently than in the past :pals:
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