I've had a rough day.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

This house was built in 1882 and it's a gothic bungalow. In the family for three generations and it has lots of character. First time in my life I have had the money and time to remodel a house the way I want to -- removed the 70s gold and green decor, took the draw curtains off the nice tall windows, took off the ugly aluminum awnings from the 50s.

We're painting and remodeling the house, I had to deal with the paint lady at the store last night, hubby got mad because she wouldn't listen to him, he walked off, I dealt with her and bought all the primer and stuff she recommended. Which was the opposite of what contractor said == he said any kind of paint would do.

Then outside when he was talking to contractor he said when the woman said the paint co wouldn't honor a warranty without doing the paint right with the primer, I said, "I know about warranties; I have a law degree. You can call me Doctor".

He said "She was showing off her law degree". Well that sent me into a crying rage. And I don't go into crying fits very often. It takes a lot to push me.

I asked him if he wanted me to smash the damn thing over his head since I wasted five years of night school and $20,000 (1980 dollars) on tuition, if that was such a waste. I decided since it was hot outside, I might have a stroke (it's getting to 95 where I live).

And he has two physics degrees. And a video and music production degree.

We were both stressed out about the painting. I have written several other posts in GD and Religion about this contractor guy, fox news watcher, and why I have to tell him about history and he can't deal with a smart educated woman beacuse he's a jesus freak and a control freak and his wife suffers from that. She needs a little respect and some women friends.

Furthermore, i talked to Ecumenist about my medical problems. I called her back twice and got no response. She never called me back and I don't know what to do. She said I would feel better in July, she did not say WHAT to do or WHY I would feel better, or give me any info about WHAT to do to feel better. She said I had a mitral valve problem and my big problem was my adrenals (this I figured out, in the meantime I am baffled about cortisone and whatnot).

In the meantime the stress from the assorted remodeling crap and pushy paint saleswomen-- I'm gonna paint stuff on the crown molding -- and DH made some crack about but "That's a whole lotta tedious work, blah blah, I don't think you can do it". Which made me more depressed.

I said, "I have a lot of patience. I didn't go to college for 12 years and earn 3 degrees without patience. I didn't study music all those decades without patience".

At least he did not get mad at me about spending his money on paint. We are still gonna use it.

In the meantime my BP goes up I take a bp pill and my pulse still stays ridiculously high, and the AC has gone out so we're sleeping on the patio where the window unit is. It's 85 degrees at night and unreal humidity already.

We did kiss and make up and he apologized for insulting my education.

Read the posts called "Glenn Beck made fun of Eric Holder", "Do you Christians realize how TURNED OFF some of us are?" and "The Constitution is based on the Ten Commandments" to see my arguments in just one afternoon with jesusfreak contractor.

There's hope for his wife though. She says she just tunes him out when he gets on a preaching rant.

[kentauros]

1. If I was that guy's wife,

I'd lock Faux News out of the cable/satellite guide and replace it with FSTV and Link-TV :evilgrin:

I'm sorry to hear you're having such troubles, so here's some hugs :hug:

Here's one for the heat:


I don't know what's happened to Ecumenist either. Maybe there's someone around here that communicates more often and can fill the rest of us in.

Oh, and here's a link to Earth Clinic for using garlic to regulate blood pressure. There are other pages of remedies, too :)

yeah, I'm still awake..........

[Manifestor_of_Light]

2. She said they get basic cable.

I get basic cable and I get MSNBC, told em about Rachel maddow.

They should be gettin MSNBC too.

Thanks, dude, you guys are great!!!!

If I had good sense I'd move outta Texass....but I was born here and don't know where I'd go.

[kentauros]

3. I was born here, too.

But I'd love to live in either New Zealand or Australia. I've shown photos of the Texas Hill Country to Australian natives and they said it looked the same there. Different insects and critters, but similar climates and flora :D

I like Rachel, but tend to only watch when I'm in the mood for the more serious news than what I just got from Olberman. His facetiousness appeals to me. That and the Daily Show. I wonder how that guy would react to Stephen Colbert? :P

Email or PM me if you need any more cheering up :)

[Celebration]

4. ugh

Not a good combination of events with blood pressure issues. I sympathize Your autonomic nervous system is in overdrive. In addition to medical treatment, you might want to start a meditation program using binaural beats and good earphones.

Ecumenist has quite a marketing program, eh? :wtf: Actually, I pray that her absence doesn't signal something amiss.

[Kookaburra]

5. Seems like emotions are about to explode with everyone

Not sure I have any words of wisdom, but I can offer understanding and commiseration, if that helps. We're all going through crap with people right now, and in your case, the heat and humidity certainly doesn't help. That just exacerbates everything nasty going on.

The faux news crowd is getting even more vehement in their desperate desire to hold onto the little bit of "reality" they recognize, however false it may be. It makes them even more mean and nasty (if that's possible) and determined to exercise the last bit of control they think they still have. Any chance you can change contractors at this point, or are you stuck with this one? I do feel sorry for his wife. It sounds like her eyes are opening, but being married to that clown, she's unable to pursue the real truth.

When I get at my wits' end, and worried about my physical health, I call my Reiki Master and ask her to focus in on me with as much energy as she can send, and it usually helps.

Whether you believe it will help or not, will you accept the energy if I send it to you?

:hug:

[Manifestor_of_Light]

6. Certainly. I'm open to all options.

Thank you. :hug:

[rumpel]

7. Sometimes, in such a situation

what I do is completely step out of myself. What I mean is I imagine I am a part of myself, a being without form, perhaps drifting above it all and just observe. I can see what I do and feel, and why I feel and re-act a certain way, and often of the other person or situation as well.
Deep down you know yourself that your education was not a waste and the knowledge you gained is yours that no one can take away from you - regardless of what anyone says.
On the other side, I think for someone to attack you like that, just simply is an expression of an underlying feeling of the same about his own efforts. Perhaps expectations of what the degrees did not bring in life?
Any expression of art comes directly from your soul & its connection to the cosmos, and a will to put an effort into it (painting stuff on the crown molding) yes - you can, nothing else is needed.

I send you light on your health issues in the meantime.

And I agree, meditation & relaxation sounds like a must.

:grouphug:

[Fire Walk With Me]

8. I agree with Rumpel that no time spent bettering yourself is ever wasted.

:hi::hug:

[Manifestor_of_Light]

9. Hubby has the same problem I do.

We went to school and worked hard and got advanced degrees.

We thought it would help us in our careers. I never used either my Juris Doctor or my BA in Pre-Medical studies to get a job.

He wanted to be a nuclear physicist and got that dream dashed by a jerkwad advisor. Told him 40 years ago that "black holes don't exist, they are a waste of time".

That was because he was in Oklahoma, and Oklahoma IS a black hole, and there was no light there.

We should have been bums instead for all the jobs and income it got us, let alone actually using what we were trained to do.

[rumpel]

10. That advisor must have a really closed mind,

how sad, but it's funny you say Oklahoma IS a blackhole..:)

But if both of you still have interest in your fields perhaps there are ways to stay in the loop - not to earn a living but to volunteer or keep it as a hobby. It sounds like you both love your field. Perhaps the lack of "it" in your lives is sort of like a void within, and you always wonder, which is resulting in the friction? You never know where your skills and knowledge are needed.

I think the celestial energies right now are as such that we are all going through this, (I am) a discovery of our long time frustrations bubbling up and we are trying to figure out what to do with it. Perhaps the key is to ask ourselves what makes us truly happy, what will make us whole? :shrug:

as a side note from just an awestruck layperson observer, I think blackholes hold all the keys of each universe..very exiting -

[NuttyFluffers]

11. patience of a saint, you are. i'd have gotten a different contractor ages ago.

sounds like you don't know how to speak "Guy". i have trouble with it myself in some areas, but pretty fluent in both "man" and "woman," American English dialects.

that comment from your DH... men often close ranks i've noticed. however, the "you can call me doctor" part definitely sounds like a gauntlet thrown down, establishing rank, even if you didn't mean it that way. that tension leaves a touchy situation.

when a man's opinion is about to be challenged openly (by a woman or not) this kicks in pride, and the easiest way to diffuse the situation for another man (who cares about said woman or not) is to soothe over the other man's ego and laugh off the situation -- often at the other's expense. not necessarily meaning your husband wanted you to look bad, but men tend to have bad emotional control (especially in relation to pride), and he might have been thinking this way would have been safer for all around. it could have ended really poorly, but that doesn't excuse the men closing ranks and the contractor pushing the subject.

men are culturally trained to suppress all emotions into a big ball of explosives, to be set-off by any little thing that wounds their sense of pride. this causes big explosions followed by profuse apologies. but men are also trained that after the initial blast, you are supposed to cool down, patch things up, re-suppress everything and go back to the zen like state of non-thinking/feeling. it's an easy cycle where things stay calm, go boom, then go back to calm and mostly forgiven.

women are not trained to operate in the same conflict/resolution paradigm. however, make no mistake, men are just as emotionally sensitive as women and can/have/will take imagined slights just as intensely as any woman. the training on how to resolve it is just a little different between the genders. but it's a good idea to learn how each group speaks.

for men, jabbing or joking back about things is a good way to establish that you aren't here to piss around and take orders, but aren't hostile either. establishing any direct comparison of status is -- as it is among women -- a direct confrontation, however. both respond poorly: a man will sabotage your stuff or attack you directly, a woman plans longer so as to not leave evidence (but damn sure to make you know who did it). and people rarely intend to corner someone into feeling bad, but that's the nature of misunderstanding each other's way of speaking.

so saying, "i know about warranties, too; i have a law degree." or "thanks for the advice. i took a law class on warranties, too. *wink*" or "yeah, i can read warranties, too. *laugh* thanks, though." is all mostly fine next time. it sets the boundary that you know what you are talking about as well and aren't going to be steamrolled. that's another habit, where men feel entitled to steamroll over a woman's opinion, but this is long enough as it is.

might i suggest chamomile tea, and unless this contractor is the Michaelangelo of flat washes, a Better Business Bureau directory of other paint contractors.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

13. We don't have things like the BBB around here.

We're so far from civilization (considering that we're in East Texas instead of West Texas) it's not even funny.

There are lots of people around here who do odd jobs and I am not sure how qualified any of them are. I had a guy in Houston on my other house, that was incompetent painting, and I had to get this guy to replace the roof on the Houston house after Hurricane Ike.

I had three plumbers show up and NOT fix my plumbing problem. They needed to dig a dedicated line for the washing machine drain, and all three of them just dug holes in the ground to look busy. The last one, I didn't even pay him and he got mad at me. He even wanted to dig under my camellia tree and dogwood and kill them.

I shoulda filed grievances with the State Board on all three of em for being complete fuckin idiots who can't follow directions.

I said that about knowing about the warranties to the paint lady at Lowe's, and DH was standing there and she was ignoring him and he was frustrated. So I dealt with her. When I said that originally, the contractor was not there.

And yesterday, after the shit fight about religion, I put on necklaces with symbols of the three major religions I DO respect: A chai, a buddha and an Om.

[NuttyFluffers]

15. yeah, patience of a saint... i don't have that level of patience.

now the context makes sense why your husband said that. but whatever, it's a partnership working to get the house painted. sure he may have felt extraneous, but if you got it, he could have just wandered the store and let you and the paint lady do business. well, his ego was bruised, and if you wanted him to feel better you could take him to the hardware store and ask the difference between a crescent wrench and a monkey wrench, but honestly who has the time?

but apparently you live somewhere between ne'er-do-well and hell. i don't know if i could take that much incompetence hopped up on egotistical entitlement. kill my trees so you could look busy? get outta here!

if i were you i'd try to work on setting up a BBB or some sort of licensing board, or even apply for a grant to build a vocational tech school in the area -- even if it does nothing immediately it would feel like you're doing something and might lower your blood pressure. at least your educational training might leave a regional legacy of some actual training/standards available for the next generation. though how much time you have for that in between watching these nincompoops like a hawk is anybody's guess...

[Sienna86]

12. Sorry you're going through this -

The stress from remodeling, salespersons, and contractors sounds a bit overwhelming right now. All the advice above is good. Please take some time for yourself and breath. When life around you is calmer, maybe reflect on how you can use your degree in a volunteer position or legal aid job. It may be a stepping stone to something larger.

[MorningGlow]

14. Ugghhhh renovation issues

So sorry, MoL. Been there, done that, got the paint-splattered T-shirt. You have my deepest sympathy. :hug:

I agree with the comments here about remodeling being one of the most stressful situations to experience--it really makes everyone's "ugly" come out--and that men tend to think that renovation is their "domain". Mr. MG almost divorced me when I went over his head and hired contractors (hey, he had his chance--he ripped the house apart and then left it for four years--that's long enough).

I also had a holy roller (Focus on the Family genus) on the team. He was very nice, thoughtful, conscientious, and an excellent, meticulous carpenter--and thank goodness--otherwise I would never have put up with his religious and political yammering. :grr:

This, too, shall pass, MoL. In the meantime, having a quiet "happy place" to retreat to is a must. Hang in there. We've got your back. :hug:

[Manifestor_of_Light]

21. "We've got your back". You guys are AWESOME!!!

:grouphug: I will remember this.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

16. now they're attacking me in R/T for my abandoning xtianity.

Becoming an atheist after two large black churches would not pay us or help us fund a project where DH had made a cd-rom of Barbara Jordan's life, who had recently died and was a member of one of those black churches.

We wanted to sell it as a fund raiser for a nonprofit community center in her name, and we wanted them to pay us for it because we needed jobs. And after they said no to such a win-win situation, we turned away and said "Screw Christianity if that's how Christians act".

DH and I were the first white people who had ever joined her church and it was 125 years old.

I don't want to fire this contractor because I don't want to hurt his family. His wife is very young and they have 3 boys in high school. She has really gotten fond of us because we treat her with a little understanding and respect, and she doesn't get that from him. I have tried to apply compassion and understand where she is coming from. And I think my amateur psychology so far has been right. He doesn't want her to have any friends, not even her sister -- she needs female companionship since the kids are all boys. I can be like a mom to her somewhat.

She has been busting her ass working on the house too, and DH pays her separately so she can buy food and household things. She never went to college but the lights are on and she is eager to learn. The youngest boy seems to be very interested in science and we want to really encourage that. He was quite impressed after DH told him he has two degrees in physics and math and told them about our trip to see Neil deGrasse Tyson speak at a fundraiser at Oklahoma State U.

She said that sometimes at home they fight and he cries in frustration because he can't change. He's a rigid asshole like his father because that is all he knows how to do. Being a control freak doesn't work for him or his family, but he seems not to be able to change.

I don't write the checks, hubby does, although it is my house, so I don't have to talk to him.

[kentauros]

17. There's a lot of thread-jacking going on in that thread.

Also, it appears most of the ones attacking are none other than DU's atheist contingent. I don't consider you in that group because I think you're one of the more reasonable atheists here. There's only a literal handful of such people around here, including you, GliderGuider and (the missing) Az. There's one or two others in the handful, but can't recall them at the moment.

I've only read some of that thread, but reading your info about what happened trying to get that DVD produced, I can't help but mention that big churches really are in it just for the money, no matter what segment of the population they represent. There are exceptions, but I think had I known about y'all making that DVD, I'd have advised foregoing the churches and made it like a premium used in public radio and/or TV. Getting a community center built or just developed is hard work, especially politically, even when everyone agrees. A foundation would be more apt to do such a thing anyway, as they usually are usually pretty well-funded by outside means. Not all of them, of course, but that might be the smarter route to take if y'all ever go back to it :)

I stay out of R/T for the most part. I don't see it as a place to discuss religion and theology. It's primary function appears to be, as one DU-er here put it, as a "shooting gallery". Put up a topic, watch it get shot down. That's not discussion.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

18. Thank you for telling me I'm reasonable.

I DO admit there are things that happen that we cannot logically explain, OK?

Like gut feelings, or premonitions that someone will die. I have never had a premonition that someone would die but I have definitely had gut feelings about people who were evil.

I just LOVED the fact that they were busy attacking my competence in that thread, and DH's competence, and then they turned it into "Oh these white people are being paternalistic and telling these black folk they know what's best for them" which is utter bullshit.
:sarcasm:

But as an atheist I can't say that everything is explainable at a molecular/physical level. There may be gods and spirits out there; I don't know.

However the whole "your imaginary friend has to be Jeebus" just doesn't work with me.

It's amazing how ya can make heads explode figuratively on the internet just by disagreeing with some people. It's no fun to provoke jeebus freaks because they go off in a tizzy over any little thing.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

19. I did get some sleep.

However, Dh has been making some digs at me that upset me too.
Got some sleep with help from muscle relaxants.

Still shaky and tachycardia.

[Kookaburra]

20. Just a few suggestions for the tachycardia

I get that too, especially when I'm stressed out beyond my limits.

My doctor suggested the following and it does help me:

1. Get regular aerobic exercise.
2. Remember to breathe with your diaphram. Shallow breathing makes it worse.
3. Cut out as much sugar/simple carbs as you can, and cut back on caffiene.
4. If it scares you too much, you can also try this: sit down and take a deep breath, then bear down like you're trying to push out a baby for about 10 seconds, then let up and exhale. That resets your rhythm some way that I don't understand, but it works.

Light and Love MOL.


edited for grammar

[Manifestor_of_Light]

22. Thanks.

Last night my BP and pulse shot up even though I took my BP pills. Don't know why that happened but eventually I did get some sleep.

I've cut down on the caffeine.

I have a problem with exercise. I have adrenal burnout which means that exercise exhausts me. I work in the yard when it's not too hot (generally between 7:30 pm and 8:30 pm) and go inside and sit in front of the AC and rest.

I hope someone or something will clue me in on what I need to do to get more functional.

I ordered some Rhodiola capsules, recommended by MM.