When insecurity gets in the way of intuition, what do you do?

[Sweet Freedom]

I used to have great intuition and then a marriage to an emotionally abusive man taught me to question my every thought and move (because to him, I could do nothing right).

I’m not with him anymore. (Thank you.) But a recent dive into the dating pool resulted in a relationship delay that is supposed to be temporary, but has left me confused. I guess the big issue is if I should trust this person (I could never trust my husband). I’m wanting to take his word that this delay is temporary, but my old “insecurities” (and I put them in quotes because I’m just now realizing how badly my husband affected my self-esteem) have so clouded my judgment as to render me lost and I don’t know where to go.

I don’t know which path to follow because I can’t hear the real me. I keep hearing the abused me. (BTW: I am in counseling for this.) But I’m so sad. I had to go through hell to get divorced and I felt like I was on the right path. And then I was so elated with this new man – cloud 9!

…And now this “test”.

I can’t figure out what it is. Is it a test for patience? Is it a test to learn and trust someone again? Is it a gift? Am I supposed to heal these wounds before I can be involved with this person who I think is wonderful? Is my pain self-inflicted? Or is my pain real? And if it is real, does that mean I’m going the wrong way? Should I forget him?

How do I follow my heart when I can’t hear what it’s saying? :(

[Sienna86]

1. You said something that is so important

"I don't know which path to follow because I can't hear the real me." That is the most powerful sentence I have heard in a long time. Be good to yourself and give yourself time to heal. When you hear the real you, I believe you will be ready for a great relationship.

Hugs.

[Sweet Freedom]

3. Thank you.

Especially for the hug.

[Why Syzygy]

2. Don't put your life on hold for anyone. (edited)

I am not the voice of your intuition, but that is just common sense. Your needs are just as important as anyone else's. Telling someone to put themselves on hold for your eventual love and attention is not a loving action. ETA I suspect your intuition has partially revealed this to you, otherwise you wouldn't question the arrangement.

I'm reading books by Marcia Emery and Leland Kaiser to strengthen my intuition. I chose them because they work with the 'higher self' rather than 'angels' or 'guides' (which I do not work with). If you prefer 'angels', there is a different author who writes about intuition from that perspective.

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=ntt_athr_dp_sr_1?_encoding=UTF8&sort=relevancerank&search-alias=books&field-author=Marcia%20Emery

[mysticalchick]

7. What I have found ...

... is that my higher self comes through in many ways, some of which are my angels, guides and teachers. I hear it in songs, sometimes in pictures, even in the words of another. There are times when my husband is saying something and I get a slight 'tap' and I know that means "pay attention here". Your high self "talks" to you in whichever way you are open to receive it. (IMO)

~ to the OP: Your intuition is the one asking the questions here - always urging you to listen to that voice even if others (ex) have told you it's wrong. When I get my emotions all tangled up and can't discern what is my ego self or my higher self talking, I use my pendulum. My agreement with my guides and teachers is that I act (or sometimes DON'T act) based on the information I get using it. Even when it's hard, I trust the info that comes through. And you know what? I've never gone wrong when I listen. When I don't? Well, those lessons keep showing up. :)

Trust yourself - start small and gain confidence back. And keep asking for guidance to come through clearly in whatever way you will be able to notice it. There is no one way it can come through. I usually ask to see something - a blue balloon, for example. I even posted about that on my blog (http://snarkypants.com/2009/10/07/blue-balloons/) - the key part is paying attention.


Here's the text of the Blue Balloon post:

While it’s true that I am clairaudient (i.e.: I can hear guides, teachers and departed loved ones speaking), there are times even I need outward signs that they’re with me and we are working on stuff together. Such has been the case of late. I’ve had a few things rolling around in my head that I’ve pondered to death. (I am a world class ruminator, y’all!) And sometimes, even I need a sign to keep the junk from overtaking the truth.

Such was the case yesterday morning. I asked my angels for a sign – a blue balloon – to let me know I was on the right track and all is well. Usually, I ask and then just forget about it. They are good at reminding me about those signs. As I was driving home yesterday, I realized I hadn’t seen my blue balloon and decided to fret about it out loud. I said “If I don’t see one by tomorrow, I will know things suck.” (I’m a cheery sort, am I not?) I heard the words “Can you just trust us?” and I replied (out loud because I am alone in car) “I’m afraid to. Afraid that it won’t be what I want.” and again I heard the word “Trust”. Grudgingly, I said “okay okay okay”.

There’s a jogging path that runs along the road I drive to get to my house and something caught my eye on that side. Don’t know what it was but I looked to my right quickly and there it was – my blue balloon. Someone had put up a bunch of balloons and they were in various stages of deflation but clear as day, there was my balloon. I’m a dork. I cried. Because they’ve never, ever failed me when I’ve asked for a sign of this kind.

So, watchword for the day is TRUST. And blue balloons. And cake. (We’re having a birthday at the office.) But mostly, TRUST.
And so it is.

(P.S. signs come in all kinds of ways – I hear songs on the radio, books have fallen open for me – you actually do get to ask for what kind of sign you want. Try it and see. What have you got to lose?)

[Sweet Freedom]

9. Thank you for this.

I too, often receive messages in songs, words, etc. and I watch for that. (In fact, there's a song I know he likes and I hear it all the time now.)

I will definitely read your blog because I really like the idea of asking for a specific undeniable sign. I've been asking for communicative signs from him, which I do receive, but their comfort is fleeting and then I begin to question their validity.

I like this. Thank you for posting. :hi:

[mysticalchick]

16. You are welcome ...

.... just TRUST. (That is so hard for us sometimes, isn't it??) And ask for as many signs as you need. Your guides are happy to oblige.

[Why Syzygy]

13. Using intuition

with the higher self also allows for signs. In fact, it is recommended. Some of us don't hear or see angels or guides. I'm not the only one. That doesn't mean that we are cut off from Spirit or cannot benefit from intuition.

[mysticalchick]

15. My post was not meant to imply ...

.... that if one cannot hear or see angels, guides, teachers, etc, that you are cut off from receiving intuitive messages and if it came through that way, I apologize. My friends have told me that I sometimes assume everyone can connect up in the same way I do and I need to be reminded that's not always the case. Thanks for that nudge, Why. :)

My point was that guidance comes in so many forms and each form is completely valid to the one receiving it (again, IMO). Sometimes I think we are all waiting for a big AH HA! THIS IS A MESSAGE FROM THE UNIVERSE!! sort of bulletin board kind of thing when in reality, it often comes in small almost imperceptible ways. (Like a balloon, for example.)

There's no harm in asking your higher self to let you know you are working together by showing you a sign. Just yesterday I was asking for one and the words "brown dog" came into my head. I thought "okay, that works" and went about my business. I was clearing off my desk at work and getting rid of a bunch of those page-a-day calendar sheets when one popped out. My calender is from Cute Overload and wouldn't you know it? A brown puppy was on the page. That's the kind of thing you have to notice and take in as a sign.

We all have our own unique way of getting that information and I think a big part of learning to work with it is figuring out how YOU get it. Songs, pictures, whatever works for you is completely valid. I encourage you all to try it and see what comes back to you. You'll be surprised.

[Why Syzygy]

18. Thank you

for being so sensitive and gracious to my concerns. Yes, I just wanted to clarify that even those of us who don't have clear cut *guides* still have *guidance*. It can come through any sense. Some people even get smells or tastes. Mine is mostly gut focused. I needed to be reminded to ask for clues and signs. I did that often as a child but I think my travels through fundie-ville made me feel there was something wrong with the method. Your experience with intuition is very much appreciated. :hug: btw, you have great friends.

[Sweet Freedom]

10. Thank you for the book suggestions.

I will check them out.

And thank you for the advice. And I know...I haven't put my life on hold. :hug: I'm still doing what I've always done and it's not like I've denied an opportunity with someone else because of him. Also, he never specifically asked me to wait for him. He said that everything was so crazy right now, he couldn't commit himself fully to the relationship and he wanted to give it his all, so he needed to wait.

[Callie McAllie]

4. Be patient with yourself

A relationship like the one you describe with your ex can leave you so very damaged. I can relate because at work I had an abusive boss who was so bad I left the job. I am back in that job now (she is gone), but I am aware that I am not as blissfully sure of myself as I once was. I think, for me, to some degree it's a good thing to be more cautious, less "certain." It prompts me to seek the opinions of others I trust and respect more often than I would have in the past.

Just the fact that you asked us here about it, sought advice, shows that while you think you are more insecure (or less confident), maybe in fact you are more analytical, seeking support, unwilling to fall too quick too fast. I think those are fine outcomes.

Be patient with yourself. Your confidence will return and your love as well. If this is the right guy, he'll be back.

:hug:

[Sweet Freedom]

11. Thank you.

I'm shocked how badly the ex affected me. I had no idea. I always brushed off his awful abusive words. It wasn't until recently that my friend pointed out I was calling myself stupid (my ex's favorite description of me) that I realized I had taken his abuse to heart.

You're right. If this is the right guy, he'll be back. :hug:

[ricochetastroman]

5. From my notes

who was the one born on 11/16/80

old husband or new guy?

[Sweet Freedom]

8. New guy is the Scorpio.

(Husband was the scary Aries 3/25/63)

Your words in a previous post stay with me ricochetastroman...Feel with your heart Luke, and you'll know what to do.

I am trying. :)

[Sweet Freedom]

14. Reminder: I don't have a birth time.

I was thinking he might have Libra rising, but I don't know astrology well enough to be sure.

He's not super handsome, but he's so sweet and charming, everyone finds him adorable
Always smiling, even when his world is falling apart (I had no idea all that he was going through)
Liked by everyone
Overly polite
Seems extremely educated, but isn't
Avid reader
Musician
He's not a style icon, but not a slob either
Gorgeous skin

[rumpel]

6. you will benefit from the now archived repatterning

of last night...

I think this link will work.
http://www.talkshoe.com/talkshoe/web/talkCast.jsp?masterId=29423&cmd=tc

if not try this one:
http://www.talkshoe.com/tc/29423

It may give clarity to your situation.

[Sweet Freedom]

12. ((((((Thank you rumpel)))))) /nt

[Fire Walk With Me]

17. "How do I follow my heart when I can’t hear what it’s saying?"

Excellent question, and it is currently mine as well.

I'm very sorry about your old relationship. Once bitten, twice shy, for good reason. You need to understand that you do indeed have good reason to be shy. This validates your need to be safe and stable, and honors your own value. You are already honoring your own value through taking these actions. Be certain to remember this, as it builds strength at your core. "I am already taking steps that honor myself." If this makes any sense...which segues nicely into your quote/question...

My ability to trust has been smashed, and smashed again (typed "shamed" instead of "smashed"; definitely Freud in the House..we blame ourselves for others' attitudes and damaging behaviour...Let go of self-blame and shame at vulnerability. Admit to hurt and vulnerability, and it begins to heal.). I once could hear my heart clearly, and it was always correct. I've ended up second-guessing it and going in the wrong direction for so long, that it's now completely silent. My angels do overtime with guidance, to compensate...it requires being quiet, asking for help, and being willing to receive the help when it comes, especially if it contradicts what the mind and emotions want (even beg for). Especially again, if we are up the wrong tree and the intuition/guidance states this; we must be open to the potential that we are wrong, and be willing to make a change (and sometimes to acknowledge that we are wrong, if we're good at hiding behind what we want in the face of facts to the contrary).

Sit, breathe, send love, and ask for assistance on specific questions. Spend time helping others and the Universe will automatically help YOU. Spend time with the things that give you joy, and you will clear your worries, allowing for greater ease and flow (and also, pray for ease and grace regarding your big questions and suffering). God be with you!

[Sweet Freedom]

21. I am already taking steps that honor myself

(((Thank you)))

[Metta]

19. Heart is only 1/2 of it plus, you haven't cleared from your ex-husband.

As someone you haven't asked advice from, I suggest spending some concentrated times clearing. Both in frequency and in duration. That should include a long, deep massage and a good epsom soak to get that stuff out of our muscles. Practicing groundng wouldn't hurt, either. Then, if you work your solar plexus in combination with your heart, you'll develop your discernment, the best of both worlds.

[Sweet Freedom]

22. How interesting you should say this.

The day of my divorce, I was in a bad car accident and suffered soft tissue injuries. Epsom soaks and massages were frequent therapies during my 7-month recovery. I haven't been doing this in the last 2 months (the time that I have felt most lost).

[Metta]

24. According to what you say, the answer, at least partially, seems to be in the "question."

:)

[Why Syzygy]

20. Comment ..

I just want to make a comment that is somewhat OT to the OP.

In these times I believe intuition is our best ally; and the best way to be prepared is to be in full cooperation with it. We can make physical preparations for whatever needs we perceive the future might require. However, as the changes come, our intuition is going to be the key player in determining our level of survival. Having my faith in the inner voice is the main thing that allows me to live without fear no matter what dire signs and warnings anyone espouses.

And so it is.

[mysticalchick]

23. Here Here ...

... well said, WS. I so agree with you. Always listen to that voice within however it comes to you. The more you practice trusting it on small things, the easier it will be to trust it on the big things.

[Kind of Blue]

25. I do nothing when torn between two paths.

I let it all go, do things that I enjoy until the answer comes or I'm ready to face the issue with little emotional distress involved.

I think inaction (if there's no real deadline) is also an action. It's just really important to have the time to love and feel good about yourself on your own terms. I think that way you're more open to hearing or being guided by Source.

on edited: spelling

[Sweet Freedom]

26. I can do that!

I am trying to keep myself busy with reading and activities. I'm hoping to know in a few weeks what the outcome to this will be, so until then I will keep busy.

[Kind of Blue]

27. That's what I'm talking about!.

So much pressure that I actually feel heavier. That's when it's time to let it go and become literally en-lightened :rofl:

I hope you enjoy yourself during this time :hug: