Potty training question.

[wildeyed]

My 3 1/2 year old started using the potty when he was 2. Recently, he has been wetting himself 2-3 times a day. Should I be patient with him, scold him or just put him back in diapers? I have tried using natural consequences, ie, if you wet your pants then you have wet pants and have to change them yourself. Other than the humor of watching a 3 year old run around wearing his pants backward, this has had little effect.

Any suggestions? This is getting really old, but it seems ridiculous to put an almost 4 year old back into diapers.

[mzteris]

1. is there anything else going on?

Different schedule, caregivers, food? New baby in the house? or lots of arguing? Stuff like that - Has he recently been sick? On any meds? etc?

Do you think he can "help it"? Is he just getting too busy to remember to go? Does he even notice? Does he care?

He "could" have a urinary tract infection or other urinary issue, as well - so maybe a trip to the doc if you've eliminated all other possibilities.

[wildeyed]

2. No changes, and he seems healthy and happy

most all of the time. He can use the potty when he chooses. When I drop him at babysitting at the gym, he always asks to use the potty there. At home and at preschool he mostly goes in his pants. I try to remember to take him to the potty every hour or so, but even with that there are many accidents. He never, ever poops in his pants, hasn't since he turned 2.

He does notice when he wets himself, and asks me for dry pants, or sometimes even goes upstairs and changes himself.

What I am wondering, can I try rewards for dry days? The child will do nearly anything for a sweet. Maybe a cookie or ice cream at the end of the day if he keeps his pants dry? Is a day too long? I am very hesitant to use diapers again, but my frustration with the wet pants is growing. I am used to potty setbacks of a few weeks, but this one just goes on and on.

[mzteris]

3. I'm not real big on the

food as a reward thing. I admittedly did this when I potty trained my son 12 years ago! - but it was like 2 M&M's or gummy bears) for going pp potty. I *might* still do that if it were a very small treat, but you don't want to create a "food issue", either. :)

When I STARTED potty training - we'd set the TIMER every 15 minutes the first two days, then 20 minutes a couple of days, then 30 minutes; 45; 60 min - well you get the idea. I'd "reward him" every time he did any tinkle. (Though it doesn't sound like you need to go this far back. But you could try setting the timer for every 1/2 - 1 hour - just to remind him and get him in the habit.)

A day is a long time. Start with smaller increments for a few days.

OK how's this - you have a jar: white bead - every time he potties; black bead - every time he has an accident - at the end of the day - if he has more white beads than black then he gets a sticker. The greater the diff - then maybe two stickers. If all white then THREE stickers.

After a X number of stickers say 5 or 6 - a small treat; 10 -15 maybe a little bit bigger treat - go to the pet store to look at the fish (or go get ice cream!)

After several days - Transition to a sticker for a dry DAY - and change the treat system to after a week dry - a BIG treat. A Month - a REALLY big treat - like something he really wants or likes to do - go to the zoo or pool. A picnic at the park. (something you might do anyway - but in his mind he's earned the reward.)



How often does HE initiate "going to the bathroom" when he's just hanging around at home or at preschool? If he's used to being taken to the bathroom, he might not know when he's supposed to go. Some children have a hard time "knowing WHEN" they have to go. They don't really recognize the sensation. Talk to him about it. Help him to understand that "that feeling" means - HEY! I need to go potty NOW - before it's too late. Also - a lot of kids just get really involved in what they're doing and "forget" or put it off until it's too late.


Also, as I stated before, there could be a medical reason he's wetting - so you might want to go to the doc just to check. My 7 yo had a UTI but none of the "typical symptoms" just some pain below his belly button when he went pp - I was VERY surprised he had an infection!

[wildeyed]

4. I used M&M's with my older child.

She was a reluctant potty trainer. My son was really gung-ho when he started. In fact, he surprised my by insisting on using the potty before his 2nd birthday. We have had set backs all along, but this last round is getting ridiculous.

I tried offering him a popsicle if he could keep his pants dry for the three hours he was over at his friends house for a playdate today. So far, he has been dry all day. Maybe I will try the sticker system, too.

My sense is that he knows when/how to use the potty, he just doesn't care too. He is busy and active and the potty is an interruption to his exciting day. I will keep an eye out for any physical problems, but because he is dry in certain situations, I am assuming he is fine.

[mzteris]

5. &**He is busy

and active and the potty is an interruption to his exciting day**

Very typical. You just have to make the rewards of staying dry much more fun than not.

Remind him, too, that going potty just takes a minute and then he get back to his playing right away - but if he has an accident - that is going to take far longer to clean up and change his clothes (maybe make him wash off, too) - and that he *may* not be able to return to his play at all.

Again, help him to understand what it "feels like" when his bladder is full.... this is a difficult concept for some children to understand, and some kids have "underdeveloped bladders" so they really aren't getting the sensory feedback they need to "know when they have to go".

Good luck!

[Tab]

6. I'm not a big believe in bribing

excuse me, incentivizing.

You don't have to put him in diapers, but maybe just pullups? Or, if he's too old, just do the laundry more often. Don't be too critical - if he gets too self-conscious, it can backfire.

My son did something similar, but eventually he got tired of it.

Bad reasons to do it:
- Emotionally upset or disturbed
- Being abused (sexually or otherwise)
- Medical condition

Not-so-bad reasons for doing it:
- Just gets so involved in other stuff, he doesn't realize he's doing it.

My son fell into the last category - he'd just get so involved in something, he'd basically forget. Another factor was that he wasn't attuned enough to his body's warning signals, and it was often too late by the time he realized he needed to pee. Eventually it went away - we did more wash, but he got sick of walking around in pee-soaked underwear.

Had a similar problem with the other bodily function - that dragged on a bit longer, but ultimately also resolved itself.

[wildeyed]

7. I actually went with the bribing.

Worked like a charm. I offer Popsicles (homemade frozen juice, so not horrible nutrition), once after lunch and another after dinner, if he is dry for that period of time. He is so much better right away, we must have just got off on a bad tangent.

I think he was just too busy to potty. He seems relaxed and happy otherwise, so I doubt there is a huge emotional issue. He never, ever poops in his diaper. Hate the way it feels. But apparently, pee is not so bad.

What is funny, he has started to be dry at night, too, more than half the time, so my diaper/pull-up years are near an end!

:bounce:

[lostnfound]

8. For how many days?

If it's less than 7, I'd try very, VERy hard to be completely nonchalant about it -- in fact, mention what a smart kid he is for having learned so early, and mention that plenty of kids have a lot more accidents than he does.

Also, you may need to remind him to take bathroom breaks because he's so interested in other things now that he may forget the signs.

If it's more than a week or so, then maybe you should ask him what HE wants. The idea being that it puts him in control. If he says he WANTS to wear diapers again then let him, and don't worry about what others think. I predict that within a week the novelty would wear off.

Only if it's been more than a week or so, AND he says he doesn't want to wear diapers, AND reminders of bathroom breaks don't work, AND you're sure it's not a physical problem -- only then would I consider it a misbehavior worthy of scolding.

If you're losing perspective, ask yourself how many more times do you think you'll have to deal with it all. 30? 40? He will outgrow it before you know it.

[Tab]

9. It's not perfectly easy all the time.

My first one, he pretty much was set after potty training.

The second one took to it pretty well, but would soil his undies for MANY years (yes, even up to age 9). He'd just get involved in other things. He never was overly great at being attuned to his body's signals.

But eventually the embarassment won out, and he stopped (as far as I know).

We never was negative on him, just asked him not to hide his underwear (stuff smells if it's hidden for weeks in the summer!), and gave him a place to throw away the bad ones, and tell us when he needed more. I didn't feel we were enabling it, because he felt bad enough about it, but were just trying to be matter of fact about it.

So, ultimately they get over it. Peer pressure, sibling pressure, personal discomfort, it will all resolve - maybe not on your timetable, but certainly before he's old enough to date. :)

Good luck

- Tab