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My boy is 14. Last year was worse though. Maybe next year will make last year look good in comparison, and come to think of it, THAT would kill me.
My son 4/5 nights a week would refuse to go to bed.. 11pm 12pm 1 am then sometimes at 2/3 am, during the week this is, realize. If he would've left me alone I could've handled it, but he would come in my room and ask me to stay up with him. I get up at 6 am everyday, I can not function on four hours sleep a night 4/5 nights a week. When it began, I did talk to him, but he'd then want to watch tv or listen to music, etc..get the picture? So then I'd say, I'm going to bed, please keep the tv down, or whatever.. he'd come back in my room.
Finally, I shut the door and asked for my time to sleep. He would bang on the door and wake everyone in the house up. Then I started sleeping in the den, with my tv on at least I'd watch stupid tv instead of fighting in the dark house.
To top it off, which almost sent me over the edge. He'd stand between me and the tv and block my view and talk over it so I wouldn't hear it, then would turn it off.
This went on for seven/eight months. OMG>.. I aged last year.
I found out what was bothering him FINALLY after over a half of year of him trying to figure it out himself to even verbalize it, which is key to getting the solution on it's way, btw.
His dad (we are divorced since I was pregnant with my son) told him to do good in school and he'll take him to Disney world right when school gets out. My son didn't want to go with him. His father drinks, and he was afraid to be alone in a far away place with him. (Which of course was why I wasn't going to let him go with him anyway, but didn't say anything because these promises were made every year and never kept anyhow..)
Anyhow, with months of therapy during all this with a VERY trusted social worker, he was able to understand his actions about school and how it related to his dad and the trip... he was able for the first time to verbalize this when he asked me the night before his science final, hey mom, don't get mad, but do you think if I blow my final on purpose I won't have to go to Florida with Dad, cuz I'll have summer school? I think this way, he won't get mad at you for saying no I can't go, and then Dad will stop hounding me about going with him, because I'll have to go.
In conclusion, I told my son to NEVER fail himself as a way to deal with someone. There are always other ways to choose. I told him he is a child, and I am his mother and I will tell his father that he is not going this summer. He right away worried about his dad yelling at me, and I reassured him that I am a very big girl and I sleep very well at night. (Then I joked with my son, and said well, since you've grown up some, I get to sleep.)
So that was it. His father went ballistic on me, my son attended four days of Eng and math supplemental class and I slept like a baby.
Could you imagine preferring to blow your school grades causing you to go to summer school, missing camp with your friends, and A DISNEY TRIP FOR TWO WEEKS? All because you are afraid and mistrust your father? How sad is that.
Update... LOL... This year? None of this. His father said the same, "I'll take you on a great trip, if you do good in school, etc." and you know what? My son said, "No dad, not this year, I'm a CIT in camp and it's a job that I can't miss days. Maybe another time"...
It's all so worth it. They do grow up.. and NOT without growing pains, for them, and for us.
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