Buttermilk biscuit attempt #27.

[eyesroll]

That's my one major mental block -- I cannot make these things to save my life.

I'm trying again tonight using this recipe:
http://southernfood.about.com/od/biscuitrecipes/r/bln268.htm

(I've also used a few friend-provided recipes, both recipes in Alton's book, and zillions of others.)

This is a specific response to the "how do I know they truly suck if you've never made them for meeee" query from my SO.

Wish me luck...:eyes:

[SoCalDem]

1. I used to make my own, but we have found that the Pillsbury butterflavored

frozen ones are pretty good..and you can use as many or as few as you like..I usually hate packaged stuff, but there are onlytwo of us and it's a pain to have to toss the "left-over" scratch bisuits when they have turned into white briquets

[Rabrrrrrr]

2. LOL! That's too funny - they're so easy, but I have my achilles heel, too

I can't make a goddamn pancake to save my life.

I can make the mix, I just can't cook 'em.

Oh, sure, I can make anything else, no matter how complicated... my sister, who can't hardly cook a hamburger without fuckin' it up and can't fill a pre-made pie crust with pre-made filling and bake it, makes pancakes just fine.

So, you and I are the club of people stymied by erstwhile perfectly simple-to-cook foods!

[eyesroll]

7. Chocolate cake's another simple thing that goes wonky for me.

No matter the recipe (even when it has 100 "this is WONDERFUL" responses on Epicurious), mine comes out tough with not nearly enough chocolate.

At least the frosting was good last time. (I made a "rainbow fish" for the three-year-old.)

Sigh...

[Lars39]

3. It took me about 15 years to get the hang of biscuits,

and I'll still have an off batch if I'm not careful.
Some thoughts...
Try adding just a bit more shortening then the recipe calls for.
The time to "work" the dough to perfection is before the liquid is added.
Once the milk is added, treat the dough like something fragile. Don't pound the life out of it with the rolling pin. Also the type of flour(hard versus soft) makes a huge difference. I use Martha's or White Lily.
I grew up watching the grandmas making biscuits *in* the flour bowl. Never did get the hang of that.

[Bjornsdotter]

4. I can't make them either

...but my biggest shame is that I can't make Jello. I know it's a mental thing because I HATE Jello, however everyone in my house likes the stuff...go figure.

Cheers!

[japple]

5. Angel biscuits were my solution.

My husband, may he rest in peace, made the best southern buttermilk biscuits. But since my sister showed me how to make angel bisuits, I've gotten so good that I even make tiny ones for ham biscuit hor d'oeuvres (sp?). It's almost a fool proof recipe. The unbaked biscuits can be kept in the fridge for about a week. Or you can freeze them once they're baked and take them out as needed, thaw for about 15 min and then heat in the oven. The whole recipe yields about 2 doz. medium sized biscuits.

Angel Biscuits

1 pkg. powdered yeast (1 tbsp. bulk)
2 tbsp. lukewarm water
5 cups plain flour (I use White Lily)
1 tsp. baking soda
3 tsp. baking powder
4 tbsp. sugar
1 tsp. salt
1 cup shortening
2 cups buttermilk (room temp.)

Dissolve yeast in lukewarm water. Put flour and other dry ingredients into bowl and stir with pastry blender to mix. Cut in shortening with pastry blender until it resembles coarse crumbs. Add buttermilk and then dissolved yeast. Stir until all flour is dampened. Knead on floured cloth (or countertop) for a minute or two. Roll out to about 1/2" or less and cut with biscuit cutter.

Like I said, this is pretty easy. If the dough is too wet to work, add a bit of flour. If it's too dry, add a bit more buttermilk.

This recipe has solved a lot of problems for me and it makes tasty biscuits that are easy on the pocketbook.

[eyesroll]

6. Well, I'll be damned.

SUCCESS!!!!

Not perfect, but they tasted like biscuits instead of bricks! And, Lars, I used most of your suggestions (except I don't have biscuit flour on hand, so I used APF)...I didn't even bother with a rolling pin; I just used my hands and didn't futz with it too much.

Now, the tricky part: Doing it again.

Thanks, everybody!

[Lars39]

8. Yay!

Glad they turned out! My good deed for the day. O8)

[wakemeupwhenitsover]

9. My bugaboo is pie crust.

Any crust I make could be used as a weapon.

For biscuits, the trick for me is that after I've added the milk/cream/buttermilk-whatever liquid I'm using-if I think the mix needs two more stirs, I quit right then. I don't give it two more stirs.

[wryter2000]

11. I finally mastered pie crust

After about 30 years of trying. Flo Braker's The Simple Art of Perfect Baking 'splained it all.

She recommends weighing ingredients. That way, esp. with flour, you get the right amount. Make sure everything you use is cold. Use ice water rather than room temperature. Work the dough as little as possible. Handling and heat develop the gluten (good in bread, bad, bad in pastry). My personal problem was not adding enough water. Our air tends to be dry, and I was trying to roll out dough that wasn't fully formed. It always fell apart.

Now, I have no problem with it.

[wakemeupwhenitsover]

12. all the tips you listed

are ones I've always used except weighing ingredients. I will definitely try that next time.

[ernstbass]

10. I can't make biscuits to save my life

and I'm from the South!! I buy the frozen Mary B biscuits - I've given up!!

[OldLeftieLawyer]

13. I can't bake

Anything.

Bread.

Cakes.

Biscuits.

Cookies (the real kind).

Pies.

I stand in awe of all of you who can. I lack that gene.