Food, Kin and Tension at Thanksgiving

[groovedaddy]

For Thanksgiving dinner, what side dish would you prefer to accompany your turkey — a serving of well-marinated conflict over how much or how little you eat, or some nice, fresh criticism of your cooking skills?

As families gather around the country this week to celebrate Thanksgiving, many of them are bracing for the intense emotions of the holiday meal. The combination of food and family often brings out longstanding tensions, criticism and battles for control. Simple issues like cooking with butter or asking for seconds are fraught with family conflict and commentary.

“If we had an audiotape of a lot of families talking together, you would hear so much chatter about what other people are eating, who gained weight, who lost weight, who’s eating like a bird, who’s having seconds,” notes Cynthia M. Bulik, director of the eating disorders program at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill.

Dr. Bulik told the story of a patient whose mother scolded her for not eating her homemade cookies. “You don’t like my cookies?” she asked. As a result, the daughter relented and took a cookie. But when she then reached for a second, her mother scolded her again. “Do you really think you need another one?” she asked her.

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/11/24/health/24well.html?_r=1&th&emc=th

[monmouth]

1. I am sooooooo glad I live alone....n/t

[elocs]

5. I also. For those of us who choose to live alone and embrace it as a lifestyle

it is great. I am friendly and talk with anyone, but my home is my inner sanctum, my fortress of solitude. I am alone, but not lonely.

I have to admit that most of my Thanksgivings have been good with people who respect each other on all levels. In recent years my Thanksgivings have been an eating out experience which eliminates the food preparation tension as well as the waiting and cleaning up and then afterwards we would just go out for a movie. A nice experience.

[monmouth]

7. That's precisely what I do. My son is in the restaurant business so

he comes here the following Sunday and we have a wonderful roast, or we'll go out. No fighting, no bad feelings, great music, TV, and as you say, some great films this season. Enjoy yours.

[tavalon]

9. I no longer live alone but I treasure the memories of those years alone

and during those years, people couldn't believe I was enjoying being alone. They kept trying to convince me I wasn't alone, but rather, lonely. But no one but me gets to decide what my inner landscape is, so I laughed them off. It's weird that most people can't wrap their minds around being happily alone.

If my very happy life with my two husbands, stepson and dog evaporates, I will go back to alone and other than grief over the loss of my family, I will be happy alone.

[Gman2]

2. I always liked my sisters going off at ill, minorities and the poor

And when I state that they have it fucked up, I am told by all that I am causeing trouble.

[Craftsman]

3. Remember have some roast turkey not just Wild Turkey

[Politicub]

4. I'm such a black sheep, my family doesn't bother arguing with me

So surprising, thanksgiving is pretty mellow with my extended family who skew quite conservative.

[Warpy]

6. Back home, I spent Thangsgiving with friends

who were also hiding from their families. I rather like the holiday.

Xmas was never my holiday, so the family got that one. I really don't have great Xmas memories.

I just wish people could hear themselves sometimes when all the old baggage and old resentments come out in family small talk. It's grisly.

[tavalon]

8. That's where chosen family can be a lot healthier for a person