I just found my estranged younger sister. She's in Maryland and has a partner.

[Sub Atomic]

Earlier today I was wondering what I'm doing with my life and where I'm going.

I Googled my father, then my step-mother, but both to no avail.



Then I Googled my sister.


It seems she's done very, very well for herself in her field and has been widely recognized.

Background:

My mother wrote me off because I was gay and shipped me off to my father and step-mother.

After failing at a "marriage" and getting kicked out of the Navy for being gay, they dis-owned me as well. One of those casualties was contact with my sister. The last time I spoke with her was when she was a freshman in college. Dad found out and put the kibosh to that. We lost touch after that.



Anyway, I've posted a response to an article about her asking her to contact me. Through some more search I found her workplace and I'm thinking about calling her tomorrow.

What do you guys think about this? I'd like to think that our reunion will be nice but I just don't know.

Should I give her a call or hope that she sees my comment posted on the article (online today) and gets in touch with me?

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

1. Difficult call

I'd check the message board for responses first, and then call.

[katanalori]

6. CALL HER

and have NO expectations, good or bad. If you can detach from the outcome, then call!
IF she is responsive and happy, GREAT - if not, nothing lost (since you do not have a relationship with her now anyway). GOOD LUCK to you - I have a feeling you will be pleasantly surprised (dunno why, just a hunch).

[shraby]

2. Nothing ventured nothing gained. By all means,

call her. She's probably wondering about you too.

[Ioo]

3. Here is what you may want to do...

You may want to see how where she works makes emails, like [e-mail]. You can do some research on the companies website, find someone else. You may want to send her an email over calling her. She may not be in a position to talk, and may want some time to craft a reply...

Just a thought from a fellow former gay serviceman.

[Sarah Ibarruri]

4. How exciting! I'd be nervous, excited, upset, happy, apprehensive, etc.

Who knows how she'll react? Chances are she might react joyfully and very relieved to have found you. I'd call.

[TomInTib]

5. Do it, dweeb.

Do the right thing for yourself. Otherwise, you will never know if she saw the article or not.

Whatever you do, it can't get any worse (as far as your lack of contact with your Sister) than it is now.

I am betting that you may be very pleasantly surprised.

Damn, I can barely believe you have been through all of that crap just because of orientation. How can people be so small?

Buena suerte, dweeb,

Tom

[panader0]

7. By all means, do it!

You have to love your family.

[NanceGreggs]

8. This really hits home for me ...

My parents divorced when I was eight - my father then promptly married his mistress of several years.

She did everything in her power to disassociate my two sisters and I (children of the first marriage) from my father, and from the siblings of their union (one step-sister, two half-sisters). Through her machinations, we lost touch with each other decades ago.

When my father passed two years ago, my sisters and I were able to reach out to our half-sisters via the internetz - the response from their end was warm and welcoming. We are now family.

What's the worst that can happen? You will be as estranged from your sister in future as you are now, and have been in the past.

What's the BEST that can happen? YOUR SISTER becomes your sister.

[bluedawg12]

9. I'm very happy for you that you found her. Some thoughts:

I understood you to say that you responded to an article asking her to contact you.

Have you given that enough time?

Uh...I have a concern about calling her at work with something that is so personal and likely emotional for both of you.

My instinct would be to find some way to contact her outside of work.

I am not trying to rain on your joy, it's just that I know nothing about her and how she might feel to being called, especially at her place of work and I would hate to have something this important to you go badly and you get hurt because of communication problems.

What ever you decide I wish you only a happy outcome and a warm and loving reunion. :hug:

Sounds like the family and Navy experience were pretty rough. I am sorry you had to go through so much.

peace-

bd12

[HopeFor2006]

10. By all means, call her!

If she is unable to talk while at work you can provide her with your number and ask her to call when it is more convenient. Good luck!
:hug:

[Tangerine LaBamba]

11. How about this?

If you can get a mailing address for her workplace, why not write her a letter telling her all that you told here, and then give her a chance to respond?

Enclose your phone number, your email address, your home address.

Calling her at work could put her in a very embarrassing situation, since you have no way of knowing what the deal is there - if there are lots of other people around, stuff like that.

But, whatever you decide to do, I wish you the best of luck. The very best.

[HillWilliam]

12. If the only contact you have

is at work, you might give her your number and ask her to call you back when the both of you can talk. There will be a lot of catching up to do and you might want to do that when you can both let your hair down.

I've so been here before. It's not easy being "the gay one" in a fractured family. I know too much about it.

It sounds as if the separation between you two wasn't anything the two of you could do anything about at the time. Hopefully, time has left the door open for the two of you to walk through.

Just keep it as light and easy as you possibly can. Baby steps.

We're wishing love and positive energy for you.

:hug:

[yardwork]

13. I think it's a good idea to contact her, but I agree with those who suggest a letter.

If you call her at work, you risk getting an unnecessarily short or even negative response from her, but putting her on the spot in an environment over which she may have little or no control. Even upper managers often work in cubicles with no privacy. If you send her an email to her work address, that is a little better than a phone call, but many employers monitor their employees' emails so don't put very much information in your email to her.

The best approach is a paper letter sent to her workplace. Just mark it "personal and confidential" on the envelope. Include your contact info in the letter. This way she can read your letter in privacy and decide how best to respond.

Good luck! I can't imagine anyone not being happy to find their half-brother.

I'm so sorry for what your family did to you, too. :hug:

[soothsayer]

14. call

[davidinalameda]

15. write her a letter

I don't like getting personal phone calls at work

hell, I don't like getting work related phone calls at work

she may not be in a position to talk to you

[Sub Atomic]

16. I called her place of work and left a message with the receptionist.

I left her my phone number and asked her to call me at her convenience.


Thanks for the kind words everyone. I just need to wait and see if she returns my call.

[bluedawg12]

17. OK- hon, you did the right thing. Now the ball is in her court.

I really, really hope she calls soon.

Keep us posted. :hug:

bd12

[Sub Atomic]

19. Thanks. At least it's out there.

I have absolutely no control over what might happen at this point.

[yardwork]

18. I'll be sending good thoughts your way!

[Sub Atomic]

20. Thanks

[Sub Atomic]

21. I talked with my sister today for the first time in 14 years.

It was amazing. It was emotional. It was amazing.

She said she tried for years to find me but had no idea where I was.

Dad died 3 years ago from emphysema and step-mom is in remission from lung cancer.

She and her partner (of 12 years!!) are doing well, living just outside of Baltimore.




I feel like I have some semblance of family. I haven't felt this since 1994.

I'm still really in shock that I found her.

[bluedawg12]

22. Awesome!!! It sounds like a great reunion

and I am so glad to hear that she had been searching for you, as well.

It's great to have a family reunited. Wishing you all the best with this, from here on out! :pals:

[emlev]

23. Congrats! I'm really glad to hear it went so well ...

Glad you reached out to her!

[davidinalameda]

24. thanks so great!

:hug:

[yardwork]

25. Wonderful! Thank you for letting us know this wonderful news.

Huge exhale.

[uppityperson]

26. Congratulations, I came looking to see if this had happened yet. Congrats

[MountainLaurel]

27. I'm so happy it worked out!

Somewhere out there, I have a half-brother I've never met.

[Sub Atomic]

28. I actually have a brother I've never met and never will, unfortunately.

Several years ago my older brother received a phone call from his state's department of adoption. Seems our mother had another kid that neither of us knew about. She gave him up for adoption at birth.

The reason for the call was this 'different brother from the same mother' was having some type of health issues and was looking for family history. Neither my brother nor I found out what was wrong with him.

2 years ago my brother looked him up on a voter registry database to see if he was registered. He found out that he was deceased.

I believe I've lived a very strange life.