Gay Myth #1 “Passing.” - Democratic Underground

bluedawg12

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Thu Nov-06-08 02:27 PM
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Gay Myth #1 “Passing.”

Gay Myth #1 “Passing.”

This in the hopes of shedding some light for our straight brothers and sisters, who in the present and future will stand with us in solidarity in our fight for civil rights and human dignity.

Some say that our fight for civil rights and for affirmation of our intrinsic human dignity as gay/GLBT people is nothing like the black civil rights movement. After all, they claim, gays can “pass.”

Is that really true?

It is not and here’s why.

While it’s true that external physical characteristics are visible on sight, the search to identify the “other” between strangers lasts longer than a few seconds.

First, consider that some gay brothers and sisters express who they are in ways that signal their sexual orientation on sight. The way we talk, move, carry ourselves is a part of how we see ourselves and goes back to our earliest days of identity formation.

Next, even if we pass, even if we embody the “norm,” the manly- man and the feminine- woman stereotype, on sight decision making is just the first step in identifying a stranger.

Once conversation ensues, the most basic questions we are asked as adults by strangers trying to form an opinion of us are the things that might bond us. So, naturally and often times on purpose when suspicion is aroused about the newcomer’s orientation, the questions come as follows:

“Oh. Are you married?”

“Does you husband/wife work?”

“Do you have any kids?”

In social settings among strangers these questions flow naturally. However, if the answer does not fit expectation, a puzzled look follows and opinions are formed quickly.
It does draw curiosity when a man or a woman is not married after a certain age. The stranger’s mind beings to calculate the options that may explain why a 40 year old male/female has no children and is single. One of the options that come to mind quickly is, “They’re gay, by gosh.” (LOL)

The worst ramification socially may be that the person sees you as gay, is bigoted and moves on.

However, life is not all about social pleasantries and life is not at all frivolous.

When those same questions come up during an interview with an insurance agent from whom we seek to buy health insurance, they are taking our measure and calculating their “risk.” One may never know why they were denied health or life insurance.

Earning a gainful living is a matter of survival and dignity. In the course of a job interview, those types of questions, often brought up casually, may play into decision making about hiring someone. It impacts our livelihood, our daily bread and butter.

If you are single and over a certain age that is a “red flag” for some employers.

If you happen to mention a “room mate,” “house mate,” “partner” “best friend,” etc., that is also red flag for some employers

The potential employer or some personnel (HR) director is weighing your fitness to be part of “their team.”

If they are bigoted you may never be called back, never hired, never promoted and you will never know why. But, you may have a sick, gnawing feeling in your gut, that it was nothing you did or failed to do, but it was because of who you are in the most private, most basic place in your soul, it was because of who you love.

Consider our homes. Where we live is where we are most exposed and most vulnerable. If the neighbors are bigots, if they are homophobic and have prejudice–that is if they pre-judge you- it’s not the social hurt of being snubbed that gays worry about, it’s the reality of possible harassment in your own home, the possibility of hate crimes in the dead of the night to your own body or to that of your loved ones, partner or pets. Is that too severe, too unlikely? Not really. Consider why gays leave small towns in exodus to the relative safety and anonymity of large cities.

Well, how about a simpler example of how being gay can be a source of separation and division from the normal social safety nets.

Where you live you cannot hide, you cannot pass, as neighbors see you and your same sex life partner day after day and have their “suspicions,” that may lead to pre-judgement - to prejudice.

If they are homophobic and ostracize a gay couple, that couple is out of the loop of neighborhood good will, good neighbor relations, out of the loop during a storm, a flood, one can’t call for help from the bigots next door when one is alone and falls off a ladder, injured.

No gays can’t “pass” for more than a few minutes.

Thanks to the right wing’s deliberate hate baiting, gay baiting tactics in their quest for power over the last eight years, many homophobes are on high alert, many have a heightened sense of vigilance for gays. They feel threatened, are frightened, they don’t want gays around their work place or as neighbors or around their kids. These folks actively seek to unveil a person’s sexual orientation with a sense of zealous righteousness. They make a point of asking about marital status, marital history and whether or not you have kids. They are not asking because they want to be friends with a gay person, they are on patrol, they see it as protecting themselves and their family and yes, some see it ,and quite dangerously so, as “ protecting America and our values from gays.”

In Nazi Germany, under the Third Reich, they were aware of Jews “passing.” Of the possibility of not looking Jewish, taking on a Christian faith and changing to a name that would “pass.” So they enacted blood protection laws. Laws that required proof of Aryan blood lines going back generations.

In the South, similar tactics were used to ferret out blacks who appeared white, but were suspect. They used a “blanch” test, pressing on the skin to see if the underlying pigment were Caucasian white, to determine if this was a suntan, or was this a person of mixed blood? I saw the blanche test used just seven years ago in the heart of Dixie.

It’s true that external attributes are apparent on first sight, but that only matters when passing a stranger on the street. The moment we engage in dialogue with a stranger they read us, as we read them, and if they are homophobic they will seek to uncover a person’s sexual orientation and can do so in minutes.

The ramifications of uncovering that identity and how that plays out is a topic for another thread, but suffice it to say that the ongoing struggle for dignity, for civil rights, for fairness under the law is not a trivial undertaking to be dismissed with a cavalier,”Oh well, you can always pass. No one can see you are gay, it’s not like skin color.”

It is not true that gays can pass. The only difference to bigots is how long it takes to get there in time, wether it’s on sight in a matter of seconds or after a few casual questions, a matter of a few minutes.