This can only happen to me!

[foreigncorrespondent]

So I go to work yesterday. Towards the end of my shift I decided to go out for a smoke as there wasn't any people around, and being a store detective I need people to watch in order to do my job.

As I stood outside enjoying the first warm evening I have felt in over 3 months this rather tall simple looking man walked up to me. Conversation follows:

Him: "Good evening ma'am. I am a Christian would you like to take this reading material and learn how Jesus can change your life in a much more positive way?"

Me: "Well that all depends on how you answer a few simple questions for me."

Him: What questions would they be?"

Me: "Firstly, what are your political leanings?"

Him: "I don't see what politics have to do with religion."

Me: "A great deal actually. Religion and politics are entwined a great deal in this country thanks largely to the PM."

Him: "Oh true. Well in that case, I am a Howard supporter."

Me: "Oh well in that case, you believe I don't have a right to live on this earth, because of who I love. So I suggest you take your reading material and leave before I call police and have you arrested for poselytizing at a place of business."

Him: "You can't do that I am on public ground and have a right."

Me: "No actually you are on the threshold of this (business name) store. And because I am the store detective here I can tell you, you really aren't welcome to come in here and begin trying to save souls."

Him: "Well I would really like to save your soul, and be able to pick up the few items I need at the same time."

Me: "Honey, my soul was saved the night my girlfriend first fucked me."

With that he gave me this look that could kill and walked off.

So this could only happen to me. Some jerk trying to save my soul while I am at work. LOL

Just had to share this with you guys.

[xchrom]

1. lol -- perhaps you should have said --

that only you could have happened to him.

a lovely turn of phrase -- i might add.

[foreigncorrespondent]

7. LOL

Maybe I should have. LOL

[Ian David]

2. Damn, I hope your boss loves you. I envy you the ability to get away it

"Honey, my soul was saved the night my girlfriend first fucked me."

You just filled his spank-bank, by the way.

[foreigncorrespondent]

8. Well...

...the manager who was on last night is gay as well. He hasn't come out to me though. When I told him all he said to me was "glad you kept him out of here."

Oh let him spank the monkey over the thought of two women doing it. Then let him also live with the guilt of having impure thoughts while doing improper things to ones self. LOL

[ronnykmarshall]

3. Great comeback!!

:yourock:

[foreigncorrespondent]

9. Thanks, Ronny! (n/t)

[MercutioATC]

4. I'm a straight man, but I think I love you!

Great response!

[foreigncorrespondent]

10. Thank you!!! (n/t)

[Sapphocrat]

5. OMG!

You actually said that?! :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Well done! More than well done! Superb!!

(See, folks, this is just one of the many reasons I love this woman -- brass ovaries!)

[foreigncorrespondent]

11. Yes...

...I actually said that! LOL

I just couldn't resist saying it. I was tired. I was bored. And that was the nights entertainment apart from the guy who tried to get me to false arrest him, but that is another story for another time. LOL

[Ian David]

13. I knew a guy who made a career of getting thrown out of hotels

He'd dress-up nice, check into his room at a fancy hotel, and then change into ratty old clothes.

Then, he'd wander around the lobby staring at paintings and things until someone became suspicious. When security questioned him, he'd be uncooperative until they threw him out. And then he'd sue them.

He also told me that another variation on his scam would be to have lunch in the hotel restaurant and then carelessly scribble his room number on the check. When questioned on it, he'd be indignant and uncooperative, until they threw him out. And then he'd sue them.

I won't mention names, but anyone attending the CompuServe convention in Ohio, circa 1987 or 1988, probably heard his stories.

[foreigncorrespondent]

14. Yep!

Luckily for me, the only way they can sue me/my company/the company we contract to is if I make a false arrest of them. I was pretty smack on with this guy last night the way he was acting, so all I did was grabbed his licence plate number when he left and wrote an incident report about it so all the stores for this particular chain will be alerted and aware of what he is up to.

We are pretty lucky here in Australia in the security industry. Usually any new scams they try we hear about it pretty quick and are alert to the latest ones.

[dsc]

6. I thought that only happened in the US

Good comeback. BTW stop the smoking we want you around for a good long time.

[foreigncorrespondent]

12. I wish...

...it only happened in the U.S. LOL Well I really wish it didn't happen at all, but alas, Australia has its share of crack pots as well.

[cboy4]

15. Hey F.C., it would be cool to see exterior store surveillance tape of your

"discussion" with this asshole!

I'd lOVE to watch the the look on his face after you explained how you were "saved!!" :spray:

You crack me up!

CB4

[foreigncorrespondent]

17. Yeah, it would be totally cool...

...but unfortunately where I was standing there isn't any cameras covering that area. If there was, I would have already asked the manager to burn me a copy of it. LOL

Ya know, cb... sometimes I just love being a bitch. ;)

[cboy4]

20. That's why I love ya!

:)

[NMMNG]

16. LOL

"Honey, my soul was saved the night my girlfriend first fucked me."




And I love how they always think stores/malls are public property--the look on their faces when they're corrected is priceless. :evilgrin:

[foreigncorrespondent]

18. Yeah!

Just the way they think everywhere is open for them to save souls. And they wonder why people hate them just so damned much.

The look on his face was honestly worth being approached by him. LOL

I should have said I will take his reading material, just a souvenir of the night. LOL

[Anarcho-Socialist]

19. LOL Wonderful!

:applause:

Thank you for sharing it with us! :pals:

[foreigncorrespondent]

22. Welcome.

:)

[mitchtv]

21. That kind of attitude deserves a visa

We Need that here:applause: :rofl:

[foreigncorrespondent]

23. Oh if only...

...my quick lines would get me a visa. LOL

Thanks, mitch. As always you have given me something to smile about. :)

[mitchtv]

24. a special law

call it the "smart mouth dyke law". lol no, seriously, we need a friendly Calif congressman on your side. Like lynne Woolsey. Or a wanna look liberal groper to help, we could get a good sized petition. Something can always be done. Maybe you should marry some gayboy. That's how "some"people do it.

[foreigncorrespondent]

25. Yeah...

...the help reunite Sapph and FC petition. ;)

Marrying a gay boy. Sapph and I talked about this a long time ago, and we decided a long time ago no matter what if we were to live together in the U.S. then we would do it legally. Doing things illegally we end up risking so much that, that wasn't a chance Sapph or I just weren't willing to take.