I need your help...please...

[Jamnt]

My stepdaughter came home last night with a bumper sticker on her car that said Marriage = (stick figure of man) + (stick figure of women). I about went ballistic. As it is I have to apologize for embarrassing her in front of her boyfriend. She's only 17, and I don't think she really understands how offensive that can be to some people, both gay and straight. And I don't think she's thought about how she's labeling herself as a bigot for the whole world to see.
If anyone here can point me in the direction of some good literature, website, poem, hell...anything that may get her to understand that no class of people are above any other class of people. Something that shows how it doesn't matter, that two people in love shouldn't be discriminated against. The less complex the better, maybe something with pictures showing true love and compassion. I'm so disappointed and disheartened right now, I feel like I owe you all an apology.
I want her to remove this idiocy from her car out of her own motivation, but if she doesn't after I've tried to show her exactly what she's saying I'm going to make her take it off, it just angers me too much.-

[Cornus]

1. Print out your post...

...then discuss it with her. IMHO that would do more than any pictures, poems, etc. might do.

[dsc]

2. Here is a good website

http://www.marriageequality.org/meusa/index.shtml

[Sherman A1]

3. Understand the feelings

but first probably best to take a breath and calm a bit. I would go with any example of one group being intolerant of any other. Hotel Rwanda has a pretty good story, slavery in America, Those happy fun guys- the Klan in the early 1900's (and beyond), Germany in the 1930's. The Civil Rights Movement of the 1960's are what comes to mind off the top of my head. Good Luck!!!

[flamin lib]

4. If religion plays a part in your family's life you might try asking

if it makes sense that God would be disapproving of one human being loving another.

I find that when talking to otherwise well meaning people who believe that somehow God is involved in this sort of thing the simple question gives pause for thought.

My neighbor went into a rant about what God wants and it pretty much quieted him down when I said that the God I didn't believe in is much more loving than the one does believe in.

[tuvor]

5. Does she understand irony?

http://grove.ufl.edu/~ggsa/12reasons

[Occulus]

6. Tell her she made a 31 year old man cry

because she proved he won't ever be allowed to be really happy, according to her.

Then kick her out into the rain without any support like my parents did.

On second thought, just tell her I suggested that. THEN tell her I tried to finish college, but my parents were so against gay people that they wouldn't let me finish. Then tell her how all I wanted after THAT was to marry someone I cared about, but then MI passed a constitutional amendment saying I couldn't, and then ask her what I should do now, after every dream I ever had got ripped apart by people who didn't want me to realize that.

Ask her how she would feel if you took away everything and grounded her, particularly from what she's good at. Then ask her how she would feel if you decided she wasn't good enough to get help with school. Then ask her how she would feel if she was lying in a hospital bed, dying, and YOU didn't let her boyfriend in to say goodbye.

Shove it down her throat until she gags. Don't stop until she agrees to take that off her car, make sure she does, and then destroy the thing.

[foreigncorrespondent]

10. And you...

...made this 38 year old dyke cry. And don't be sad that you did. It helps to know I am still in touch with my own emotions enough to actually feel hurt and pain when I should.

Even though I know the hardships you have faced in your life, from reading your posts in the past, it still touches my heart in such a way to know that people just like you and me are still going through this crap today.

And excellent rant, by the way! :)

[Sapphocrat]

18. ...

:hug:

[Breeze54]

7. Have you just asked her why she put the sticker on in the 1st place?

Is she in her 'rebellious' teen stage? Might be at 17!
My 17 yr. old son is showing signs of that too now!
It might just be a stage or maybe she's angry with you?
:shrug:

Try talking. ;)

[Xeric]

8. The first thing I thought of

when I read your post was how Alan Keyes (that fine example of Christian love) threw his daughter out of his house and cut her off when she announced she was gay.
It seems to me tolerance is taught be example. Your stepdaughter should see how disappointed you are and yet you still love her. Don't get angry. Show the compassion that you expect her to show gay people. Just maybe she'll get it.

[longship]

9. Her car?

Isn't it really *your* car that you allow her to drive? Or, isn't it her car that you bought for her?

Isn't it parked in your driveway, in front of your house, etc.?
People with inflamatory bumper stickers on their cars are often targets for retribution. Your daughter may unwittingly be setting you up for such an event.

Isn't she, as a 17 year old beholden to you and living under the roof you provide?
It's within your place she's living, you make the rules.

The answer is simple. You do all the things that the others here have said to do. Then, you say simply, "If the bumper sticker is not off the car in an hour, I will remove it myself." Accept no arguments. That's the law as handed down from parent to daughter.

[goddess40]

16. I agree with you

usually I let my kids get away with stuff that would drive other parents crazy - my oldest has hair longer then I do. But bigotry is where I would draw the line. It wouldn't be just an order to do it because I said so but with a lot of education.

Does she know these stupid laws they are passing also cover people that live together regarding health care, deathbed and hospitalization, insurance, loans....

[chat_noir]

11. Shout out to FReeper Dane!

Hey, Dane, why are you hanging out here on the GLBT forum? Bi-curious?

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-bloggers/1684615/posts





Make your own Colbert On Notice Board: http://www.shipbrook.com/onnotice/

[Jamastiene]

19. LOL

:rofl: Good call. Wonder if they'll print what you just said over there? Let ol' Dane get a taste of his own medicine. See how HE likes having all that FReeper filth and hatred directed at him.

[sui generis]

22. "purely research, of course"

isn't that what the alien's say whenever they start anal-probing you little fundies?

Poor big flabby assed pointin'-to-hell-mantittie no neck afro armpit crybabies over there. You'd shit yourself if you ever saw yourself in the shower. It's a good thing they won't let you into the military without EVER asking, just looking.

Guess someone ran out of heterosexual reading material, because there's so little of it. Research away, you dickless wonders, but you know all this attention you pay to everyone else's dicks comes across as a little gay.

Not that there's anything wrong with that, of course.


Anyway, here's an anal probe. Have a heydey.

[cboy4]

27. I was wondering why "Jamnt" was being so quiet . . . appears to be

a drive-by post. :eyes:

[Dragonbreathp9d]

12. I am an aspiring young writer

and I wrote a story that puts this issue into a new perspective. If you are interested, PM me and I will e-mail it to you. If you like it, I may post it on these forums.

[RedXIII]

13. ,,,,

Saw a great T-Shirt on a "Goth" kid at a Renaissance Faire once...

"Don't judge me by your ignorance"

...'bout says it all...

[jesus_of_suburbia]

14. I don't even understand why she would WANT that sticker!

I can't help you if she is that gone.

Everything you need to do is in your hands.

[idgiehkt]

15. I'm really touched by this post.

I don't know what the answer is, but thanks for sharing your feelings about it. It's a shot in the arm.

[Sapphocrat]

17. I think you're being too generous.

You wrote: "She's only 17, and I don't think she really understands how offensive that can be to some people..."

I'm sorry, but there's no such thing as "only 17." By the time I was 17, I was getting chased down by girl gangs who thought they smelled something "different" about me. By the time I was 17, I'd lasted two years in a monogamous relationship with another girl, about which we told absolutely no one.

Never mind the wave of nausea I felt the morning we arrived at school to find some vandal had carved LEZ into the paint on her locker door. Never mind that we spent the rest of our senior year wondering which one of us was going to be dragged into the girls' restroom and get the shit kicked out of us -- and by whom.

Today, I work as needed on behalf of the Gay-Straight Alliance of my old high school. These kids range in age from 15 to 17. I admire all the GSA students -- the gay kids for having the courage to come out (and to demand their equality be recognized), and the straight kids who, to a person, explain that they belong to the GSA because they cannot abide by the injustice leveled against gay youth. As one straight 16-year-old said in a public statement (at a press conference, and later at a city council meeting), high school is hard enough when you're straight -- she can only begin to imagine how much more stressful and isolating it is when you're gay.

My favorite student at the moment is a 15-year-old named Tony. Tony is a very thin, very tall boy with shaggy dark hair and a quietness about him that belies a rapier-sharp wit. But while Tony is a smart, funny boy once you get to know him, he is shy at first, and not the sort you would expect to make a lot of noise about anything.

I met him in February, and he told me then and there that he had just come out to his mother the night before. While that is a major milestone for any gay person, I was especially impressed because Tony's parents -- and Tony himself -- are Russian immigrants.

To my amazement and great pride, Tony stood up and made his own statement at the aforementioned press conference and council meeting. You could see how nervous he was, but he got through it just fine -- and in fact made one of the best points I'd heard all evening: That in Russia, gay people would never dare dream of standing up for their own rights -- at best, they would be laughed off the street. When he and his family came to America, and Tony discovered the GSA, and began to understand that gay people could stand up for themselves, he was just... so... happy.

Since then, however, having experienced American homophobia firsthand, he had begun to think that maybe Russia and the United States weren't so different after all.

Why am I telling you about Tony? Because Tony is one of dozens of teenagers I know, right this minute, who have never been "only 17." Age is no excuse -- unless we're talking "only ten" or "only five." But even then, I've got a five-year-old and a seven-year-old in my life who have never questioned the existence of their American Aunty they don't see more than once a year, any more than they question the existence of their Aunty who's been around all their lives.

Bigotry doesn't just happen. It's a learned response, and something has influenced your stepdaughter over the past 17 years, whether it's the friends she hangs out with, a bigoted parent, or something else entirely.

The point is, the offensive bumper sticker isn't the problem; it's only a symptom. You can make her remove it, or do it yourself, but that's not going to cure the underlying disease.

The real task at hand -- and this is where you really have your work cut out for you -- is to find out what made her so insensitive and bigoted in the first place, and then attempt to reverse the damage.

I can't possibly have a clue about why she is the way she is -- but as part of the remedy, I would strongly suggest a mandatory visit to her own high school's GSA (or any LGBT student union -- all universities have them), with you along for the trip, so she can put a face to the subject of her own bigotry, and, more importantly, listen to real stories from real people.

Or you could always sit her down in a room with foreigncorrespondent and me while we tell her our story. That, of course, will be impossible for some time, since my partner and I have not been together on the North American continent for more than four and a half years.

Why not? Because of ignorant bigots who won't let people like us get married.

[foreigncorrespondent]

20. Brava!!!!

Very well said!!!

:headbang: :yourock: :toast:

[idgiehkt]

21. wow. amazing, thank you.

Why am I telling you about Tony? Because Tony is one of dozens of teenagers I know, right this minute, who have never been "only 17." Age is no excuse -- unless we're talking "only ten" or "only five." But even then, I've got a five-year-old and a seven-year-old in my life who have never questioned the existence of their American Aunty they don't see more than once a year, any more than they question the existence of their Aunty who's been around all their lives.

[sui generis]

23. I would add, since teens are usually pretty aware of hypocrisy,

How would you feel if blonde haired and blue eyed people one day started saying that having brown hair or green eyes is immoral? Or that marriage is only between blonde haired, blue eyed people? Or only between eastern orthodox catholics?

How would you feel if someone told you that you couldn't get married to the person you love, because THEY didn't approve?

Did you know that 100% of all gay men and women are completely FOR your right to be married, even if you hate them, because they understand that you marry who you love, not who someone else tells you you should.

[cboy4]

26. This is excellent! It should really be its own thread!!

:pals:

[mitchtv]

24. take her to see Brokeback Mountain

maybe it will help her see Gays as American Citizens.I'm sure ther are better flicks to see.I wouldn't allow that sticker in my driveway(or pay gas bills for a car wearing it)

[RedXIII]

28. ,,

Actually most of them are so bigoted that one person mentioned when they saw Brokeback mountain they refered to STR8's as the only normal people and us as not normal, and i'm like WTF?, the APA removed homosexuality from it's list of disorders and still people think we're not normal.

[cboy4]

25. Jamnt, when you plead for help in the GLBT room, or anywhere on DU

for that matter, the polite thing to do is respond with a thank you, or something, so we don't think we're wasting our time.

Do you see how much time and effort Sapphocrat put into her powerfully said post in order that it might help you and your daughter?

Many of us here are like family, and as you can tell by the outpouring of responses, we are compassionate and we like helping people.

But to begin a thread that says, "I need your help...please... - - - and then just disappear into the night . . .

It's just not really cool....especially in this room.

[foreigncorrespondent]

29. Here! Here!

I agree!

[cboy4]

30. You better!!

;)

[foreigncorrespondent]

31. Always!

;)

[Jamnt]

32. I was away on vacation..sorry....

First, I'd like to clarify something. After reading the link to Freeperville, I reread my post and realized I wrote it, without intent, gender neutral. It's interesting that the bigots readily assumed I was the mother. In fact, I'm the step dad.

Now, for an update. My wife spoke with her and explained how offensive that could be to some. She stated she never thought of it that way and took the bumper sticker off her car. (Hurray!) But I know that's a long way from actually changing her beliefs. We're going out to dinner tomorrow, just her and I, and I'm taking some of your ideas with me. I plan to talk about acceptance, equality, bigotry, brain washing (I have reason to believe the person who originally gave her the bumper sticker got it from her church). What I'm not going to do is to force my beliefs on her, just try to educate. I'm going to print out this thread and talk over both my post and the responses with her.

While I agree with almost everything that's been said, I have to disagree with the person who said "there's no such thing as just 17". I believe that people mature at different times. I believe that as a group, because of the bigotry and hatefulness that's been directed at you, gays and lesbians are forced to mature earlier, my guess is sometimes much earlier. My wife and I decided a long time ago to protect our children's innocence as best we could. That was our decision, and I'll stand by it. If that means our kids are somewhat naive when some think they shouldn't be, so be it. Apparently we did make some mistakes, show me any parent who hasn't. But I believe that it's not too late to teach her; it didn't take much effort to get her to take that stupid thing off her car.

And again, my wife and I were on vacation celebrating our 11th anniversary, which is why I didn't respond. Thank you all for your comments, time and effort. I'll let you know how things go.

:hi: :hi: