Please offer an education

[cally]

Mamy months ago I asked for help since my daughter (18) came out to us as bi. I'm not sure what that means other than the definition. She'
s been living elsewhere since then and has told me about a few crushes both male and femalee. So, what would you do? How would you help a teen as a parent identify with their chosen sexuality. I'll answer questions but I will also respond to Pms.

[liontamer]

1. you don't really have to do anything except accept her

tell her she is welcome to bring any romantic interest home and treat her with respect.

[MadMaddie]

2. Love her and let her work through her life just as you did...

I told my parent's when I was 30 years old....

Support her....talk to her...she will experience the same heartaches as anyone else....also tell her to choose her friends carefully...you would be surprised by how many so called friends will turn on you.....

:pals:

[racaulk]

3. Love and support her, no matter what.

To be honest, and I don't mean to belittle bisexuals here, but she may just not be sure of herself at the moment. She may just be trying to find herself and she's sticking with a label that she is most comfortable with.

When you're heterosexual, sexual identity is very easy. It is defined for you because you see that identity all around you and you have role models that affirm who you are. Sexual identity is very complex for those of us that are not heterosexual, and we largely have to figure it out for ourselves. It may be that your daughter is at that point and is figuring out who she is.

In the end, she may be bisexual, or a lesbian, or even straight. Just make sure to let her know that you do not stand in judgment of her and that you will always love her, no matter what, regardless of her sexual identity. She will truly accept herself easier if she knows that you accept her, and that is the best thing you can do for her as her parent.

Sorry for rambling here, but I hope this helps. Best of luck to you both! :hi:

[Ready4Change]

4. Encourage her to find love with a decent person.

Kindness and decency (and their opposites) aren't gender specific.

[enlightenment]

5. Just love her, cally.

My daughter told me she was a lesbian when she was 16 -- I just told her she was too young to have sex, so keep her pants on, regardless of who she was with. When she was 18 she told me she was bi -- I encouraged her to make friends before lovers. When she was 19 she told me she was "queer" and was going to start binding her breasts. I asked her to make sure that was safe. At 20, she told me she wanted to be a man. That one was a little harder to swallow, to be honest. I was accustomed to having a daughter -- but the package isn't what counts, it's what's on the inside.

Today, my son is 26 -- he's more worried about being 26 (it's all downhill after that, after all . . .)

The one thing that has never, ever, changed is my love for my child. Keep that to the forefront, and nothing -- and I mean NOTHING else matters.

Your daughter is still pretty young, and will work things through as time passes. Be there for her, regardless.

edited for spelling

[cally]

6. It all ends up whether we love them.

It'simple and so complicated. I'm proud of you for knowing that you love her.

[enlightenment]

10. As you love your daughter, hon.

You wouldn't be asking the question if you didn't love her.

If it's any consolation, I don't think it's any easier for parents of hetero kids -- it's the "Yikes! My baby is thinking about SEX" part that's hard!

Hang in there.

[racaulk]

7. Hi enlightenment!

Thank you for sharing your son's journey with us. He's very lucky to have a mother that is as unconditionally loving and supporting as you are. You are a fine example of what a good parent can be, and the GLBT community needs more parents like you. If there is a place called Heaven, I'm sure there is a special place reserved for you there.

Thank you, thank you, a million times thank you!!! :hug:

[enlightenment]

11. You're welcome.

My son is still transitioning -- that issue of money for the very expensive surgeries (so far only top surgery), although he's not convinced he wants/needs a phalloplasty. So his journey isn't quite over yet.

He's a good kid, and so much happier now than before. And I'm lucky to have him!

[Not Me]

9. Enlightenment, if God has a refrigerator

YOUR picture is on it.
Thank you for showing the world what love is.

[enlightenment]

12. Never thought about it that way.

:)

Love is a lot like smiling -- it takes a lot less energy to love than to find reasons not to, and I'm pretty darned lazy!

Thanks for the kind thoughts.

[bicentennial_baby]

16. wow....

:yourock:

seriously... :pals:

[murielm99]

8. When my daughter was 19,

she told us she was bi.

I think it was what she was comfortable with at that time. She has since figured out that she is gay. She has been with the same woman for almost six years.

Accept your daughter. Tell her to stay safe. Remember that a person's sexuality may not be written in stone.

PFLAG may be of help to you. Find a chapter near you. If there is not one close, you might join just to get their newsletters. And give this some time. I think it takes awhile to adjust to having your expectations for your child drastically altered. We all just assume they're hetero, don't we?

[sui generis]

13. the best thing - she's still your daughter and you're still

who she'll come to if her life is broken, or even when she just needs to hear your voice and know you're there for her.

So let her come to you when her life is happy too, and let her share the loves (and the trials) she's bound to endure.

My first time home I brought my partner and my other partner, and my little dog too. It turned out to be a lot of fun. My mom and dad put my siblings on to asking me all their curious questions.

Finally I said, well just tell Mom & Dad they can ask me and they won't have to wait so long for the answer!

There really isn't a rule book for walking down this path. You just walk, and see what you can see! Some people scream the whole way about being lost, others enjoy the view. Enjoy the view -

[ThomCat]

14. Be flexible and don't jump to conclusions.

There really isn't much you can do other than become comfortable with it and support her in figuring out her own relationships.

She's likly to have a lot pressure on both sides to be either straight or lesbian. It's not a fair choice, and she'll almost certainly appreciate your support if she goes back and forth.

[Sapphocrat]

15. Other than the definition...

...it means nothing as far as the way you deal with it. As a lifelong lesbian, it has taken me many years and much soul-searching to overcome my own biphobia -- and (this is hard to admit, but I'm being completely honest) I'm not 100% there yet, but I'm pretty damned close. (If you want to know more about biphobia, which IMO is even worse than homophobia, just ask. You'll get plenty of answers.)

One thing that many gay and straight people have a hard time accepting is the fact that bisexual people are NOT automatically polyamorous, or promiscuous. They're as monogamous (or not) as those of us who lean further one way or the other on the Kinsey scale. Keep that in mind; while bisexuality does double your chances for a date on Saturday night, it does NOT mean you're going to go on both dates at once.

One thing you do need to do, and I can't stress this enough, is join, or at least check out PFLAG.

Finally, with all due respect, couldja please refrain from calling it (and train yourself to stop thinking of it as) a "chosen sexuality"? Bisexual people don't choose their sexuality any more than we hardcore homos chose ours, or you hardcore heteros chose yours.

The only "choice" your daughter has to make is who she wants to be with at any given moment -- and that choice probably won't have anything at all to do with whether the object of her affection is an inny or an outy.

Hang in there -- it gets easier... or so my mother tells me. :)