What straight men don't understand about lesbians

[w8liftinglady]

http://mg.co.za/article/2011-06-15-what-straight-men-dont-understand-about-lesbians

The unmasking of two fake lesbian bloggers has shown that heterosexual men are deeply fascinated and wildly confused by gay women. They need a man's guide to being a lesbian

Straight men have long had a fascination with lesbianism. Tap the word into Google and you can see the range of porn available, from "Naughty girls sharing their Huge Toy", to "Vicky and Nea need no men". I have lost count of the number of times men have asked me what I "do in bed". They can't imagine sex without a penis being around somewhere, which is presumably why so many lesbian-fanciers offer to help out in the bedroom.

Once, on my way home from a party with a girlfriend, I was asked by a passing motorist if we would consider putting on a sex show for him in the back of his car while he watched. Our state of inebriation was such that all he would have got for his money was a bit of snoring possibly interrupted by puking, so we declined out of courtesy.

Male fascination with things Sapphic is usually born out of total indignation that we do not desire the male form. They are genuinely shocked that women can have fun together when we, as one charmer once said to me, "have no genitals". I still laugh at the memory of a lesbian comedian saying during a gig: "It's not that we dislike penises, we just don't like them on men."

I have been told that I am a lesbian because I have yet to find the right man. If finding the right man was a prerequisite of heterosexuality, we would soon be extinct.

But things seem to have got out of control lately with mens' obsession with lezzerism. First the blog supposedly written by a lesbian from Damascus was found to have been written by a man living in Scotland, and then it turns out that Paula Brooks, the editor of the lesbian news website LezGetReal, is a retired Ohio military man and construction worker. What is going on? Do we not have enough lesbian writers without having to make them up? Do I need to churn out more diatribes?

Being an out and proud lesbian with a public profile, I often get slated by men who take umbrage that I am not exactly their type for a sexual fantasy (the male version is either a woman so butch she could kick-start her own vibrator, or a Katie Price-type with extra large boobs, three-foot-long tongue and additional fingers). One accused me on his blog of "lezzering on again" after hearing me on Radio 4. I was surprised because the item he was referring to was about the cost of car insurance for women.

Another Guardian writer, Cath Elliott, is often assumed to be a lesbian by men who take offence at her dislike of rapists and sex murderers. She once got so tired of comments posted on her blog asking her about her short hair and lack of makeup that she told them we both run a lesbian militia training school in the countryside for straight women.

[Taverner]

1. I know the secret to lesbian sex is...

...having a vagina


Sorry

Please pardon my stupid joke

[givemebackmycountry]

2. You post here quite a bit....

And THAT post, may have been one of your very best.

LOVED the last line.

:hi: :thumbsup: :hi:

[w8liftinglady]

7. LOL..I just wish I could take credit for writing it.

I've lived it enough times to understand COMPLETELY what she's talking about.

[eridani]

3. More than a few men would rather be hated than ignored.

Fallas--it really isn't all about you.

[toddwv]

4. THat's overthinking male fascination with lesbian porn, imho.

I think it comes down to simple math.

2 naked girls > 1 naked girl + you don't have to stare at a penis = oh hell yeah.

Yeah, I know... the formula is perplexing if you don't understand male math.

[reACTIONary]

6. Exactly Right...

... it has NOTHING to do with lesbians or curiosity about lesbians or misunderstanding of lesbians. It introduces sexual ACTIVITY into porn without having to introduce a guy.

[BlueJazz]

5. I've never been "Turned on" or "Turned off" by Gay sex or actions.

I figure the Fun of life is having Fun your own way with like minded people.

[provis99]

8. men distinguish between fake lesbianism and real lesbianism.

Fake lesbianism is the sort of stuff you see at bars, with girls french-kissing each other. They are straight girls pretending to be lesbian lovers; they only do it in front of guys.

Real lesbianism is, well, real lesbians. Guys do not expect real lesbians to act like that, only the fake lesbian straight women. More likely, when dealing with real lesbians, the problem with the guys is that they want to treat real lesbians like the way they treat their male buddies. They really aren't interested in real lesbians displaying sexual behavior with other real lesbians.

It's the idea of straight women doing taboo things, like kissing or groping other women, that they are enthusiastic about. Real lesbianism is not something to get enthusiastic about, because the taboo isn't there.

[lightningandsnow]

15. As a bi femme woman, I really don't like this dichotomy.

I've often been accused of being the "fake" lesbian because I don't "look" gay and I've dated men.

But calling me a "real lesbian" totally erases my bi identity.

Sexuality is fluid, and it's too bad a lot of people don't understand the complexity.

[Prophet 451]

9. "a woman so butch she could kick-start her own vibrator"

As a bisexual man, I have nothing to add to this discussion other than noting how much I LOVE that line.

[elias7]

10. Most men don't give a shit...

Funny article...I do take issue with recurrent overgeneralizations--

"heterosexual men are deeply fascinated and wildly confused by gay women"
"Straight men have long had a fascination with lesbianism"
"They can't imagine sex without a penis being around somewhere"
"Male fascination with things Sapphic"
"They are genuinely shocked that women can have fun together"
"mens' obsession with lezzerism"

Most men really don't think about it, care about it, obsess about it, get off to it...I think we're dealing with a very vocal, obnoxious, mini-minority of non-intelligent sexually driven, sexually obsessed, sexually frustrated, high school peakers, who just can't handle reality and cope by lashing out against anything not fitting their stunted worldview.

It's easier to push off against loudmouth neanderthal stereotypes, but I think that reflects, well, no one that I know. It's kind of like the hockey riot last night in Vancouver after Boston took the cup. Who deserves the bad name? Guys? Drunken guys? Hockey fans? Hockey, the sport? Vancouver? Canada? The human race?

Consider, "Once, on my way home from a party with a girlfriend, I was asked by a passing motorist if we would consider putting on a sex show for him in the back of his car while he watched. " Of the dozens or perhaps hundreds of motorists that passed that night, one asshole stands out and becomes the standard for men. What about the other 99%?

[Doctor Hurt]

11. .delete.

ugh...wrong reply

[elias7]

16. guess I don't have the right code book today

thanks for the slap, hope you feel better

[Doctor Hurt]

12. "Male fascination with things Sapphic is usually born out of total indignation that..."

"Male fascination with things Sapphic is usually born out of total indignation that we do not desire the male form."


I think, for many heterosexual men the prospect of two women having sex is titillating. And for a lot of them, I think, it is really a combination of factors. First, two naked attractive women are more interesting than one naked attractive woman. Secondly, watching someone be "pleasured" is something many people find sexually satisfying, hence the existence of porn. Finally, I think there is a submerged instinct in many men towards polymorphic sexuality: a tendency to regard novel experience as something to be sought after.

Not that the factors you describe aren't there as well, but sexuality is this crazy thing with all kinds of influences knotted up in it.

[Deep13]

13. Interesting. nt

[lightningandsnow]

14. Julie Bindel is a well-known transphobe and biphobe.

Which is why I was not entirely surprised to see that she was an author of an article full of bi and trans erasure.

I understand that you meant no harm in posting this, but please read some of the transphobic bullshit she's written before posting another article by her in a group frequented by a diverse crowd including trans people.

This article does make a few decent points, but I can't really get past the bi/trans erasure and the fact that it was written by Julie Bindel.