I've always wanted to be a father...

[WillParkinson]

Sadly it's not to be.

I thought about it many times, but was always worried about how my child would be treated by his/her peers. I'm not sure I could stand watching my little one try to figure out why the other kids are so mean.

But seeing my young relatives hug their parents, tell them how much they love them, the thoughts of tucking them in and reading a bedtime story, watching them grow. Thinking of those things makes me wistful.

Now I'm 46 and think I'm too old to be a good parent to a young child. And am only stuck with thoughts of what might have been.

For those of you who are younger I encourage you to follow your heart if you think that you would like to have a family of your own. Don't let life leave you with regrets of what could have been. And be the force that makes the life of a child, and our world, that much better.

[qb]

1. Consider being a foster parent.

My partner and I are in the process of getting licensed. You will fill a great need, and find out just how good a father you can be.

[BeeBee]

2. My husband and I became guardians of his 14 year-old

cousin about 2 1/2 years ago. He's now 17...and going to be a senior in high school next year. I have to say that neither I nor my husband ever thought we'd be parents but this experience has been more than we could have dreamed of. Our nephew (we call him our nephew and he calls us Unk B and Unk G) has brought so much to our lives that we never even knew we were missing. Because of this experience, we are seriously considering adopting.

We, like you, worried about how he would be treated by peers...and how we would be treated as parents by the school, teachers, coaches, other parents, etc. Luckily for us, it has been a non-issue. Other parents, the kids, the school have all treated us with respect and as they would any other parents (at least as far as we know). Some of this, I'm sure, has to do with the fact that we live in quite a liberal area (Sonoma County, CA) but also because attitudes, especially amongst kids, are changing.

I'm 43 and my husband is 40 so I understand what you mean by the age thing... I keep thinking that if we do adopt another child, I will be in my 60s when he or she graduates from high school. But this isn't rare anymore either. Our nephew has many friends with older parents.

My (unsolicited) advice: If this is something you feel strongly about, then go for it!

[beyurslf]

3. I have fostered dozens of kids over the years and I have adopted 4 boys.

Mine were all teenagers but that was my choice. I can tell you that most young people don't care. I have never had a problem at school. Sometimes I get a strange look when I say i am their dad, but that is probably because none of my kids took my last name and we are different races. I doubt it is sexuality. Their friends don't tease them for having a gay dad. All of them have GLBT friends and accept it all without a second thought.

And, I don't live on the coasts or in a in a liberal enclave somewhere in the middle. I live in Wichita, KS. It is very conservative and in the heart of the Bible belt. When they say times are changing, they mean it. When my kids are old and I am long gone, being gay won't mean anything.

[Rowdyboy]

4. Neither my partner nor I have ever wanted children....I understand the desire

and can empathize but its just not one I share. In my case I helped raise 4 younger brothers and sisters and simply was tired of the responsibility. I absolutely adore living life without sacrificing for childrens' care, education etc. I love my god-daughter and nieces and nephews but small doses work best for us.

On a much lighter note-my favorite quote about children:

"I have been assured by a very knowing American acquaintance in London that a healthy young child, well nursed, is at a year old a most delicious, nourishing and wholesome food, whether stewed, roasted, baked or boiled; and I make no doubt that it will equally serve in a fricassee or a ragout"


Jonathon Swift

[WillParkinson]

5. I had no siblings...

My family wasn't very close. Guess I can understand your point of view. Had I lived in that type of family I might have been more hesitant as well.

[donco6]

6. I don't think you're too old at all.

No one is too old that their loving care is not needed. And I'm older than you, so I can say it.