Advice needed-R material kind of stuff

[Politics_Guy25]

I read through the threads on GLBT and a lot of them seem to be regarding GLBT political issues but I have a personal dillema that I would like to ask for some assistance with if I may. I don't trust any other board on the net other than this one with this question because it would most likely degenerate into teasing and taunts and stray way off subject.

Also, I'm not looking to get into the explicit nature of this either. The reason that I am starting this thread is that I had a bombshell e-mail from my ex-boyfriend on Saturday and I literally have been thinking about it ALL week. We had a very bitter breakup in 2007 but we both really cared for each other and we kind of started to at least speak again in March of this year. There were several e-mails between us between March of 2009 and now and one really long phone conversation back in March. However, he kind of cut me off. I've sent him 3-4 e-mails that he hasn't responded to since.

Fast forward to last Saturday, I was going through a stressful time and had e-mailed him about a week before last Saturday saying something like I really needed to speak to him, that I could use some support to deal with stuff. I asked could we talk?

He e-mailed back at around 4 p.m. Saturday and said this, which was totally out of left field and had nothing to do with my original e-mail:
Send me some piks of you so I can k?-Edited for civility

He's 31 BTW. I'm a bit younger. My first thought since we haven't spoken in a while was maybe he was getting tired of me bugging him and he wrote that just to kind of freak me out into not e-mailing him anymore? Do you think that's what he meant to do? Like maybe he meant it as a slam to me? OR, if I wasn't so cynical, I would take it as he still cares about me, is attracted to me, and was just feeling kind of frisky. It was a Saturday night after all.

So, basically my question is this: Should I take that e-mail as something positive and maybe even view it as opening the door a bit to call him to wish him a Merry Christmas? Or, was the e-mail designed to freak me out? Do you think I'd at least be within my rights to call him (I've been nervous that he'd just hang up on me and so I haven't) to see how he was doing after getting a e-mail like this?

Thanks in advance! This is like all I've been thinking about for a week. Not for the R-rated material aspect of it but for the fact that maybe he still has feelings for me. That's what got me so fixated. What do you think?

[Ian David]

1. When I think of things to put on a list of Bad Ideas You Should Never Do...

... emailing nude pics of myself to an ex isn't even on the list.

Because it's not the sort of thing you'd think you'd need to write down to remind yourself.

As for the rest, I have no idea.

Hang in there.

[racaulk]

5. +1

Nude pics + ex = BAD idea!

[Politics_Guy25]

10. One other quick question

Would calling him to ask what he was up to be acceptable do you think?

I could see it going something like this:
Me: "Hey K-How's it going man."
K: I told you that I don't want anything to do with you. Don't call me ever again! Bye!"-Click.

Do you think that'd be a likely outcome or would he at least talk to me at least do you think? I really need closure of some sort on this that only he could give. I could e-mail but if he doesn't reply, I'm left right back where I started.

[democrat_patriot]

2. I think someone got a hold of his email and is messing with you.

Are you sure he actually sent it?

[La Lioness Priyanka]

15. yes, thats what i think

[mitchtv]

3. it sounds tome like you should delete him

before you find yourself on the net in living color. but that's just me, don't do it. Give him the bum's rush. I am 65

[racaulk]

4. Personally, I believe in being direct.

Just ask him what the sexually explicit email was about.

It seems to me like he is giving you all kinds of mixed signals by playing "hot and cold" with you. He is, intentionally or not, playing games with you and leaving you guessing what his true intentions are. The only way to get him to stop playing his games is to directly tell him that you are no longer playing. And the best way to do that would be a direct line of questioning as to what the email was about and how he sees your relationship going forward. That's not too much to ask of him, and if he can't be honest with you, then you'll know he's wasting your time.

That's how I would handle it, but I know you and I are probably very different people. Good luck! :hi:

P.S. You may want to edit your fourth paragraph while you can. It would be sufficient to say that his email was sexually explicit or that he asked for nude pictures of you. The moderators don't take kindly to "sex talk" -- I don't know if you post breaks any rules, but I bet it's walking a fine line. I could be wrong, but it's just a thought.

[fl_dem]

6. did that give you an idea how he thinks about you...?

he didn't care that you were upset and needed a friend, he just thought of himself....walk away, delete him out of your email, phone, life etc.....you are better than that and deserve more. When upset and need support, talk to to someone you KNOW cares, leave this jerk alone right where he belongs. And if he attempts to contact you, tell him to go stroke it.

[lapfog_1]

7. Sexting... yet another thing people shouldn't do when drunk.

You sent him an email. That got him thinking about being with you again... and, well, it used to be drunken booty calls late on Saturday night... now it's an email asking for nude pics.

Same concept.

Give him a few days and then ask him what he was thinking. If he was trying to freak you out, he will continue along the same lines. If he really wants to remain friends, he will sheepishly apologize.

Oh, of course he still has feelings for you. Ex boyfriends usually do. The question is where those feelings are located, if they are centered in his heart, that's one thing, if they are centered somewhere south of his heart... well... I had a friend in college that would walk up to any girl on campus and say "hey, you wanna f**k?". Middle of the day, between classes, anytime. Got shot down 99 times out of a hundred. Usually with a slap to the face. Got laid a lot more than I ever did too.

[Raster]

8. OK, I'll play Dan Savage: He totally ignored your needs and request and

asked you for something for his needs. Let me guess, your relationship tended to be one-sided with you doing most of the accomodating.

You're being used. Put on your big boy pants and move on. Consider yourself lucky.

[Politics_Guy25]

9. Thanks guys-edited for civility

Now that anyone else wishing to comment will pretty much know what this is about. Interesting all of you, each and every one, say run the heck away. That is what I shall do then! Thanks!

[FreeState]

11. Im late but this is what I would do

Send one more email to him. One and thats it.

In the email state something like this: I asked for help and got a sarcastic reply so Im guessing your not interested in listening to me. Im glad we were together and it enriched my life. However, its obvious to me that its time I move on from this friendship. Best of luck with everything.

Thats it. Let him know you got the picture and move on.

[Hassin Bin Sober]

17. I'll play Dan Savage's evil twin:

Send ME the pics ....

<dirty old man>

[Raster]

18. SNAP!

Me 2...

[Meldread]

12. I'm a bit late... but...

...I hope you didn't send him an e-mail with pics. Seriously. Bad idea. Horrible idea. If he wants to fuck, and you want to fuck him axe the middle man and tell him show up.

I don't recommend that, however... What caught my eye more than anything was the fact that you're vulnerable, and you're looking for someone to latch onto at this point in time. You seem to be hoping that he has feelings for you. I don't know what's going on in your life right now, but what you need is a friend not a boyfriend. Seriously. It's one thing if you're already in a relationship, it's another thing entirely to seek it out right now. In all likelihood you will probably regret it.

So what do I suggest? No pics. No relationship outside of friendship. Get over your fear, call him up, wish him a Merry Christmas and if he hangs up in your face he's a jerk and isn't worth your time. If he doesn't then maybe you can eventually steer the conversation toward what you want to talk about. Or maybe not. Let the conversation dictate it. Don't bring up the e-mail unless he brings it up, it's ultimately irrelevant. He might have been drinking for all you know, and might not even remember sending it (it was Saturday after all).

But if he's all like, 'I miss you. I miss what we had. Let's hook up and talk.' No. I'd advise against that until you're over whatever is going on in your life. Make it clear that you just want to be friends for now, and that once events in your life improve your mind might change (no promises). Is it just something like Christmas blues, or something more serious? If it's something like Christmas blues then maybe you have friends you can spend Christmas with? Maybe you can put your energy somewhere productive?

This is what I'd do if I was in your shoes. I don't know all the details, so it's hard to give really good advice.

[GodlessBiker]

13. Just write back..."What?"

[meegbear]

14. Just. Walk. Away.

[beyurslf]

16. Well to be honest, I think his silence for so long while you were still emailing him

says enough. The last email just seals the deal. It was about the sex. If you want a sexual relationship or experience with him, then go for it. If you want something else, delete his email address and move on.

oh, and please don't call him.

[Touchdown]

19. There's plenty of nude pics of guys on the net. He doesn't need yours.

Tell him to fly a kite. And YOU... find someone new who wants you live and breathing, not in pictures.

[Bear down under]

20. Your last paragraph seems to sum your situation up

"... the fact that maybe he still has feelings for me."

You want him back, don't you? But you need to ask yourself this :

Do you want *him* back, or do you want/need *your boyfriend* back? To put it in another way, do you truly miss *him*, or do you just miss being in a relationship?

Yes, it's a harsh question, and it shocked me when I was asked it by a friend; but I can tell you, having to answer it did clear my head wonderfully.

But whatever your answer is, you have two immediate matters to deal with. First is whatever the problem is that's stressing you. Is there really nobody else you can talk the matter over with? A friend, a family member, even a counsellor?

Second is to answer his e--mail, and I would reply along the lines of "You don't need pictures. I look just the same as I always have." Nothing more. How he answers that (if indeed he bothers) will give you a good idea of where his head is.