I'm sorry, son. A work of semi-fiction

[WillParkinson]

This is a work of semi-fiction. It’s how I hope events transpired.


I walked around the store picking up the usual items. I noticed a woman looking intently at me, but she said nothing.

When I had finished shopping I checked out and began heading toward my car. The woman approached me and said, “Excuse me, I noticed the sticker on your car when you came in. Are you gay?”

I answered yes without hesitation. She shivered as she began to speak.

“I’m sorry, son.”

I started to speak, but the woman continued on.

“Throughout my life I knew exactly how my life was going to be. I was going to marry a good man. We were going to have good children. It was going to be perfect. We had two boys, Mark and Tommy.”

She sighed and looked down at the ground.

“My husband and I divorced. I was left to raise my son alone. His father never kept in contact with him. Mark grew up healthy and strong. He was the light of my life. Then everything crashed. Mark told me that he was gay. I was angry and hurt. How could he do this to me? I could not bear the sight of him. During Thanksgiving he asked if he could have a friend for dinner. I did not really give him an answer. He brought the boy home with him. I ignored them. He took the boy to his room and came back to speak to me. He asked me why I was being so mean. I told him I did not want a fag in my house. He stared at me for a moment and walked away. He left the house with the boy and I did not see him again until the next day.”

She had tears in her eyes. She forced herself to continue.

“When he returned home he was quiet. He did not speak to me or his brother. Later he left the house and…” she began to gulp for air…”he didn’t come home again. He went out and shot himself in the head.”

I started crying.

“The boy he had invited over for dinner called and asked for him. I screamed at him. I told him that my boy was dead and that he was the reason. The boy started sobbing into the phone. I hung up on him.

Two years passed. In that time I realized that it was me. I killed my son. I don’t even know the boys name. I could never find him to apologize for what I did. I hope that he is OK. This is why I came to you. I can never make up for what I did. This is why I hope you’ll understand how sorry I am, son.”

It was then that I realized she wasn’t speaking to me. She was speaking to her dead son.

I wanted to reach out and hug her, but she turned away and went to her car.

I hope that the woman finds some type of solace. Especially now.

[elleng]

1. Will,

:hug:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

2. I hope she finds peace too...

:hug:

[Prophet 451]

3. You sod, you made me cry

We have lost too, too many.

[ClayZ]

4. Sad stories always make me cry!

K and R

:cry:

[RetiredTrotskyite]

5. This is Beautiful and So Sad...

I hope the woman has found peace, too. What a terrible lesson to have to learn.:hug:

[Control-Z]

6. What a terrible way

to have to learn the lesson. My heart just aches...

My children, all three of them, have asked me, on more than one occasion, how I would feel if I learned they were gay. Sometimes, obviously toying with me and trying to get a reaction out of me. But other times, they have been perfectly serious.

I just don't worry about who they will love. I will continue to love them - no matter who they are or who they think they might be. Honestly, though, I would worry about the path they would have to walk in order to find happiness in a gay relationship, and about the hatred I know they would encounter. That is the only thing that concerns me - their happiness - their path to happiness, and because of that, it makes me hope that their lives will be simple, garden variety, heterosexual. Life and love is already, under the best of circumstances, difficult.

Matters of love/lust - they can be questionable, scary, hopeful, promising, deceitful...

I know my children will have to experience it all, no matter what their sexual orientation. I can only hope for kindness and happiness for them, with whomever they are partnered with.