What does God do all day?

[funflower]

Anybody care to venture a guess? :shrug:

[Spinzonner]

1. What's a 'Day' in God-world

and what makes you think it has any connection to human existance ?

[Goat or Panic]

2. God or me-Not Sure

6am-9am Stephanie Miller
10 am "Price is Right"
11 am Morning News
12-3pm Fetal position on couch muttering to self
4pm "Trading Spaces"
4:20 ...........
5pm Go to Vons, get frozen pizza, ice cream and cat food
6pm Evening News
7-11pm Fetal position under sink muttering to self
11pm Daily Show!!!
11:30pm Colbert!!!
12pm Wonder how in the hell Kimmel is still on the air.
12:05 internet porn-cry self to sleep.....

[funflower]

3. Welcome to DU, Goat! Now you can put us on your schedule.

Somewhere between Kimmel, porn, crying and sleep.

[Dragon Turtle]

4. Micromanage sporting events, deciding who wins.

As if God had nothing better to do.

[realisticphish]

5. Plays Yahtzee

strange, but true

[TaleWgnDg]

6. What does God do all day long? Well? Why of course He talks

.

What does God do all day long? Well? Why, of course, He talks to and through George Walker Bush, and vice versa. Hey. You didn't know this?




_________________________________________________

"I trust God speaks through me. Without
that, I couldn’t do my job." -- GWBush,
quoted in the Lancaster New Era, July
16, 2004, during a private meeting with
an Amish group.
http://politicalwire.com/archives/2004/07/16/quote_of_the_day.html

"I think President Bush is God's man at
this hour, and I say this with a great sense
of humility," — Timothy Goeglein of the
White House Office of Public Liaison told
World magazine, a Christian weekly.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/ac2/wp-dyn/A19253-2001Dec23?language=printer

"I always laugh when people say that George W. Bush
is saying this or that to appease the religious right. He
is the religious right."
-- GWBush first cousin John Ellis

"God loves you, and I love you. And you
can count on both of us as a powerful
message that people who wonder about
their future can hear." — GWBush,
Los Angeles, Calif., March 3, 2004

"I'm the commander, I do not need to
explain why I say things. That's the
interesting thing about being the President.
Maybe somebody needs to explain to me
why they say something, but I don't feel like
I owe anybody an explanation ..."
— GWBush, asserting what seems to be
a messianic complex.

"(Hanging in my office is) a beautiful oil painting
by W.H.D. Koerner entitled A Charge to Keep.
The painting, inspired by the hymn, (pictures) a
horseman determinedly charging up what appears
to be a steep & rough trail. This is us. (The painting
and) hymn have been an inspiration for me and for
members of my staff. A Charge to Keep calls us
to our highest and best. It speaks of purpose and
direction. In many hymnals, it is associated with a
Bible verse, 1 Corinthians 4:2: 'Now it is required
that those who have been given a trust must prove
faithful.' " — GWBush's presidential campaign book,
co-authored by Karen Hughes, entitled, “A Charge
to Keep”, p. 45.

"I believe that God wants me to be
president." — Richard Land, a Director
of the conservative evangelical Southern
Baptist Convention, quoting GWBush on
"the day (GWBush) was inaugurated for his
second term as governor (of TX) in 1999."

"I could not be governor (of Texas) if I did not
believe in a divine plan that supersedes all human
plans." -- George W. Bush

"I, George W. Bush, Governor of Texas, do
hereby proclaim June 10, 2000, Jesus Day in
Texas and urge ... all Texans to answer the
call to serve those in need. By volunteering
their time, energy or resources to helping others,
adults and youngsters follow Christ's message
of love and service in thought and deed."
— GWBush, as Governor of TX, officially
proclaiming June 10, 2000, as
"JESUS DAY in TEXAS."

"And the religious people (GWBush) was connected
with in Texas aren't anything like the mainstream
— even the mainstream in Texas." — Molly Ivins,
political pundit, on GWBush as Governor of Texas.

_________________________________________________

[OneBlueSky]

7. he savors . . . n/t

.

[ClintonTyree]

8. He guides the thoughts and actions of his followers......

isn't that evident from the peace and prosperity throughout the world? :shrug: Especially the GOP. They have a hotline directly to the "Big Guy" and he confides in them his wishes for his favored country, The United States of America. It's as clear as day, I don't know why you can't see that. :sarcasm:

[LiberalVoice]

9. One cannot do...

....when one does not exist.

[BeyondThePale]

10. I thought he owned the Yankees...

[TaleWgnDg]

16. bad karma . . . very bad . . .

.



Happy Saint Patty's Day to you, too!!

.

[funflower]

17. You're right! You've won! You get whatever's behind Curtain #3!

[no_hypocrisy]

11. Assuming such a being exists, probably laughing at all of us in the

tradition of Puck in A Midsummer's Night Dream:

"Oh, What fools those mortals be!"

[genie_weenie]

12. It's "worse" than you think

Because one day is equal to 8.7 BILLION Years!

http://www.geocities.com/narenp/history/info/yuga.htm

[InaneAnanity]

13. Fucks Mrs. God

[TNDemo]

14. So God is a lesbian?

;-)

[funflower]

18. Thereby creating a lot of little God babies?

Or do they practice birth-of-God control?

[FM Arouet666]

25. ;)

:evilgrin: :rofl:

You gave the lord a better sex life than I did, but sick minds think a like.

[arwalden]

15. Ignore The Sick, Starving, Suffering, Dying, And Abused?

Show complete indifference to child victims of rape, incest, torture, murder?

What a guy! :eyes:

[nemo137]

19. in my less pious moments, I imagine he sits staring at the wall

wondering where he went wrong in creating us. It must have seemed like such a good idea at the time.

[thinkingwoman]

20. God is very very busy

He has a lot of important prayers to answer like:

1. making sure the right team wins each basketball, football, soccer, baseball, hockey game, etc.

2. making sure that the people who pray hard enough and correctly are spared by the tornado, flood, fire, hurricane, earthquake, blizzard, etc., and that their evil neighbors are purged from the planet.

3. blessing all those meetings, and congressional assemblies praying for his guidance as they do the work they were elected/hired to do all by themselves but obviously can't manage without His assistance.

He also has a lot of important daily business of his own to tend to like:

1. adding and removing names from the Book of Life whenever somebody makes a large donation to a church or whacks off in their bathroom.

2. chasing after that wily Devil fellow who manages to elude He who knows all and sees all.

3. argue with His son/Himself about whether or not He really thinks it is such a good idea to come down here a second time given the reception He got the first time around.

4. finish that blasted self-regenerating honey-do list that Mrs. God keeps nagging Him about.


so sayeth the thinkingwoman on this 17th day of March, 2006



edited to add sig

[funflower]

21. Ha! Can I frame that?

:rofl:

[thinkingwoman]

22. Be my guest

I signed it for ya! :hi:

P.S. Glad you liked it. My sense of humor either clicks with people or it doesn't. There's no middle ground in my world.

[Zebedeo]

23. God is the ultimate multitasker

It is truly awe-inspiring to think of the quantity of matters that God handles each day. But He is definitely up to the task.

[FM Arouet666]

24. Masturbate?

Just a guess? The ultimate multitasker has been suggested? Guess he can flog the bishop while simultaneously spanking the pope. Great job, where do I sign up. :evilgrin:

[Zhade]

26. Anyone who claims to know what unproven gods do with their time...

...is a liar.

They don't know. It's entirely possible there's nothing there TO know.

[NMMNG]

27. He whips up tornados, hurricanes, earthquakes and/or tsunamis

that will kill thousands, all for the purpose of exterminating 10-20 gays/lesbians. He's subtle like that.

[varkam]

28. self-delete

[varkam]

29. He watches you while you're in the shower...

He's kind of a perv like that.

[Ready4Change]

30. He reviews the universes source code

Trying to figure out where he screwed up.