My Grandmother: A Deathbed Vision and Preparing to Die

[FDRLincoln]

My grandmother suffered a stroke a month ago. She was discharged from the hospital to a nursing home last week. As nursing homes go, it is a decent place. But it is not her apartment.

Physically, she has (remarkably according to the doctors) regained partial movement in her right arm after the stroke. The doctors say that with additional therapy, she could regain much of her pre-stroke function. She is in very good condition for a 101-year-old stroke victim.

However, she has decided that she does not want to live under these conditions. Last Wednesday morning, while she was watching the news, the spirit of her father (who died 70-some years ago) materialized next to her TV set, and said "Olga, why are you still here?" She immediately called my mother and told her what she had seen, and that it was time to go to "the next place."

Yesterday, she asked the nursing staff to give her her "last bath." She is now refusing to eat or drink or take her heart medication, accepting only morphine to ease pain. She has received Last Rites of the Greek Orthodox Church, and is preparing to leave this life.

The only thing I'd like to ask for is prayers for an easy death, and for love and support for her children and grandchildren.

[UrbScotty]

1. You can always count on DU to be here for you

:hug:

[babylonsister]

2. You, your family, and grandma Olga are in my thoughts;

may Miss Olga find peace. Wow, 101! I can't even imagine. :hug:

[Jane Austin]

3. Prayers for you and your grandmother.

I think your grandmother is blessed to be having such a peaceful and sure transition.

[TallahasseeGrannie]

4. My dad died a similar death

in 2002. He had dementia and his living will said no hydration or feeding tube, so we honored it. It took 11 days of no water, no food. And despite what the Terri Shiavo folks shrieked about, it was not cruel. It was long, quiet, peaceful. He had enough consciousness to tell us all goodbye with this eyes many times, even lifting a faltering hand to wipe the tears from ours. His morphine patch helped with thirst and pain. I believe he had none. We did work to keep his mouth moistened with swabs they give you at the nursing home. His care was superb; they moved and changed him ever two hours.

I hope it goes as well for you. You will have time to sit with her and hold her close. It is a sacred time.

[CTyankee]

22. So right. I did that with my mother.

It is a sacred time. I am still in mourning, but getting better all the time.I just take it a day at a time. It happens or will happen.

I was with my mother in her final hours. But of course I couldn't experience or know what she was going through. She was not in pain at all, but I wondered anyway. She died a very peaceful death, but she knew what was happening. What haunts me is that she said to me two days before she died, "I am dying. I know it." I still feel the sting of that. I could not and would not give her any bs about that. But I did say "Please rest." I didn't know what else to say and I would not lie to her.

[sasha031]

5. that is an amazing story FDRLincoln

you will always find support at DU, this is a difficult time. It sounds like your grandmother knows things we have yet to experience.
All of you are in our thoughts and our prayers.

:grouphug:

[sarge43]

6. Blessed Be

Think of the joy your grandmother will feel when she is reunited with her father.

[CrazyOrangeCat]

7. You and yours are in my prayers

Peace to you.

[Olney Blue]

8. I am glad she has a family that respects her wishes.

:hug: And will be with her when she passes on.....

[The Backlash Cometh]

9. What a brave lady.

She will find comfort on the other side. She's truly blessed to have a loved one to guide her.

[buckeyebabe]

10. Your Grandmother

I will pray for her to go in peace, and pray for blessings of love and support for your family and her friends.

[CrazyOrangeCat]

13. Welcome to DU, Ms. Buckeye. n/t

[FDRLincoln]

11. 101

She is a remarkable woman.

Up until last month, she lived in her own apartment and took care of herself...at the age of 101! Completely lucid, fluent in two languages (Arabic and English), her memories and personality fully intact despite her advanced age.

She has three daughters and two sons, who are with her now as the end comes near. I went last week to visit, taking with me my two sons (her great-grandchildren). My youngest son is just 2 months old and she told my mother that she wanted to see him before she died.

I really just want this to be as easy as possible for her. My own father has been in a nursing home for 12 years following a stroke, and the whole "lingering death" thing is my greatest personal fear. I pray that she is spared that.

[I Have A Dream]

12. The vision of her father was a true gift. I'm sure that she feels no...

fear whatsoever since she truly believes that her father is waiting for her on the other side like one who is impatiently awaiting a homecoming of a long-distance family member who is returning home after a long time away.

I ask that the Universe give you, your family and your grandmother the gift of comfort and insight during this transition period. (This or something better for the highest good of all involved.) You are blessed to have her here for so long.

:hug:

[MissWaverly]

14. God ease the passing of this great person

I am sure that she will have her pick of good places in heaven.

[William769]

15. Prayers for you & your family.

May she go in peace.

[EuroObserver]

16. FDRLincoln: Felt your Grandmother's spirit here

on the western shores of the mediterranean.

(We're working on working out the right laws, around here.)

[CTyankee]

17. Much love to you. My mother had a gentle passing last April

Mine was the last face she saw and the last voice she heard and I was so grateful. My mother had also stopped eating. The doctors removed anything that did not make her comfortable. Her breathing just got slower and slower and then stopped. She was 94.

Last night I dreamed that I returned to her nursing home and thanked everyone who had helped her and we all cried together. It was a cathartic experience and I awoke feeling some relief of my grieving.

[MuseRider]

18. This is very common

and I do believe she will have an easy death, she is ready and she knows that her father will be there to welcome her. My mother did a similar thing as did my grandmother. Sending love and supporting vibes to you and yours.

[TNDemo]

19. We have had similar experiences.

My grandmother was dying and her six children gathered around her bed. They were all adults. She pointed to each one and talked to them and then pointed to a seventh child, Robert, and talked to him. Robert was her first child who died as a toddler.

My mother died with Alzheimer's a couple of years ago but it was because of inability to swallow. It was very quiet and the morphine was not even needed but I called for a drop under her tongue if there was even a sound. I saw a number of people in her nursing home die this way and overall it was quiet and painless.

My thoughts are with you and her. You might be interested in the book Final Gifts now, written by a couple of hospice nurses.

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

20. Done

I pray for her, but mostly for you and yours. Know in your hearts that she is ready to go, and don't be sad for her! We call the day of passing the Wedding Day, when we return and join again with the Beloved.

As others have said here, I have had experience with those who are passing, in much the same way. They saw loved ones who were there to help them cross over, and left in peace. I have also felt the joy and happiness of those who have made the transition, which makes the funeral time a mixture of sadness underlaid with joy.

[Desertrose]

21. Holding your grandmother in my thoughts....

I agree..this is a special & sacred time. How wonderful she feels ready & comfortable to make the choice to go.

My mother decided she was ready and basically just stopped eating and drinking. She had cancer but was not in pain, although they gave her morphine she was comfortable. I was privileged to be with her the last few days and when she left her body it was an incredible moment. Miss her everyday though...

101 years is a great life :hug:

Blessings and hugs to your Grandmother, you & your family
DR

[Zebedeo]

23. She has nothing to fear.

Wayfaring Stranger
(traditional)

I am a poor wayfaring stranger
While traveling through this world of woe
Yet there’s no sickness, toil or danger
In that bright world to which I go

I’m going there to see my father
I’m going there no more to roam
I’m only going over Jordan
I’m only going over home

I know dark clouds will gather around me
I know my way is rough and steep
Yet beauteous fields lie just before me
Where God’s redeemed their vigils keep

I’m going there to see my mother
She said she’d meet me when I come
I’m only going over Jordan
I’m only going over home


May you and your family know the peace that comes from knowing that God is faithful and true, and His promises are never broken. Your grandma is going to her eternal reward. She is going home.
O8)

[DesertRat]

24. My prayers are with all of you.

Peace.

[hunter]

25. Shortly before one of my grandmothers died...

... she insisted to me that she had seen her long dead father and that he was "taking her to the airport." I thought she was joking, or speaking in metaphor, but as I spoke with her more it was like she was an excited little kid, and yes, she had actually seen her father and he was going to take her to the airport and they would fly away.

I'm pretty sure that's exactly the way she went. She happily went to the airport and flew off with her father to an unknown place.

Peace be with you and your family, FDRLincoln.