The cringe factor

[Silent3]

Posted by my sister on Facebook: (My sister's name) likes I BELIEVE THAT GOD IS AWESOME! on likemefb.com.

Well before all the rational arguments can be summoned forth in my mind about why I'm an atheist, I see a posting like this and there's an immediate, visceral reaction: "Gaaaackk!!!"

Such reactions are not limited to my sister's born-again Christianity, or even the broader category of theism. "New age" so-called spirituality can produce much the same cringe-inducing effect, such as this gem I stumbled upon recently: The true nature of sexuality

(I'm not sure of this, but since the Youtube poster's name is MagentaPixie2012, she claims to have made the video at her brother's request, talks about "asking the Nine", then the video starts out with "Dear Pixie" and later refers to "your planet", that this Pixie poses as, or believes herself to be, "channeling" this (ahem) wisdom that she has so graciously shared with the people of this planet.)

I know there are plenty of people who would have little reaction to the above. There are some who would have an opposite reaction, "Isn't that wonderful!", "So touching!", "I'm glad she shared!". Thinking about those kinds of positive reactions makes me think "Gaaaackk!!!" even more.

Why should it be that this sort of thing can produce such a strong repugnance? I know what some defenders of my sister or Pixie would say: My reaction is a defense mechanism of some sort, that I'm "jealous" of my sister's joy in God, or Pixie's spiritual connection. Somehow I fear their "truth", and shield myself from that fear with the odd combination of embarrassment, disgust, and amusement that I experience.

I suppose psychological defense mechanisms like that can exist, but I certainly don't give everyone who conveniently claims as such in the face of negative reactions to their own beliefs a freebie on having successfully spotted a defense mechanism in action. Fear and jealousy are certainly far, far from the emotional quality that I experience of my cringing reaction.

What seems even odder is that I know that, upon reading this post, some people are likely to be angry at me, as if simply feeling what I feel is a terrible, awful, judgmental thing to do. All I can say to that is it makes about as much sense as being angry at someone for having an allergic reaction to a bee sting.

[snagglepuss]

1. I don't think you are horrible at all. You seem to be in fact a highly sensitive

person who is emotionally affected by blatant displays of inauthenticity. Outward displays of piety whether Christian or New Age is just a form of egotism so a gaaaaccck response is completely understandable.

You, in fact, are the one who seems to be truly spiritual because you are deeply questioning your reactions and seeking to understand two people who clearly do not share your values. You are niether defensive nor judgemental. People who are judgemental don't do what you are doing, they don't ponder whether or not they have a defense mechanism so no I don't think you are judgemental.

[ZombieHorde]

2. I usually think, "This is going to be really funny, and a little bit creepy." nt

[Jim__]

3. The poem makes me cringe because it is a public and ( I believe) bad attempt at poetry.

I read that poem and I think of Wallace Stevens, The Snow Man:

One must have a mind of winter
To regard the frost and the boughs
Of the pine-trees crusted with snow;

And have been cold a long time
To behold the junipers shagged with ice,
The spruces rough in the distant glitter

Of the January sun; and not to think
Of any misery in the sound of the wind,
In the sound of a few leaves,

Which is the sound of the land
Full of the same wind
That is blowing in the same bare place

For the listener, who listens in the snow,
And, nothing himself, beholds
Nothing that is not there and the nothing that is.

And, while I think we are all entitled to try our hand at poetry, we should keep it private unless we can really communicate feeling with what we say.

[Silent3]

4. That's hardly my favorite poem...

...but I guess I don't find it as objectionable as you do. Cringing can be a very personal thing. :)

Poetry, in general, is certainly risky business when it comes to producing cringing reactions. There are so many ways for a poem to go bad: Excessive sentimentality, heavy-handed preaching, painful almost-rhymes and faulty rhythms, triteness, lack of appropriate perspective without irony, etc.

I only started sharing my own poetry after I'd reached a point where I'd written a few things I could look back on several months later and not cringe at what I'd written myself.

[Jim__]

5. Actually, I thought of "The Snow Man" as an example of good poetry.

An example of the level of poetry that few of us can ever achieve.

[Silent3]

6. Sorry for the misunderstanding.

Your phrasing seemed a bit odd for you to be referring to the Stevens poem, but I couldn't figure out which other "that poem" you might be referring to. Something at likemefb.com? I was already cringing at the cloying quality of "I BELIEVE THAT GOD IS AWESOME!" without going any further.

[Jim__]

7. No problem. I didn't really state what I meant. - n/t

[Silent3]

8. "energy worker"

Damn, does that new agey terminology not only make me cringe, it makes me retch.

http://www.courthousenews.com/2010/06/17/28155.htm

Here's an amazing story about how a woman got fired from her job, apparently because her "spiritual" boss consulted an "energy worker", and together they determined that the woman's baby, HER UNBORN BABY, had a "hostile agenda" against the boss.

For all of you "let's get along and value each other's differences" types, you'll have to pardon me if this isn't the kind of difference I value very much.

[trotsky]

9. If you have no problem taking stupid people's money...

there are countless opportunities to do so. Energy worker, Feng Shui consultant, homeopath, etc.

[Silent3]

10. I couldn't bring myself to do that...

...even though sometimes the idea is sooooo tempting to separate people who seem almost willfully stupid from their money.

[struggle4progress]

11. Why pay any attention to it, if it bothers you? There are plenty of people

who have strange ideas. For the most part, they are harmless

[Silent3]

12. Do you suggest blocking my own sister on Facebook?

Not reading the news just in case something cringe-inducing might come by?

What method do you suggest for not paying attention to things that might make me cringe?

Why would you think shutting out all that is disagreeable, even if it was possible, would be a good idea?

[struggle4progress]

13. Very well. If you like cringe-inducing, consider this passage from Die Moorsoldaten (1935),

which describes the treatment of a Jehovah's Witness in a German prison in 1933 or 1934:

This is the story of a man who did not want to say Heil Hitler! He belongs to a religious sect ... God had forbidden him to give the Hitler salute ... This brought him to Lichtenberg ... He tirelessly swept the cell and the hallway and went to fetch water and was helpful to all. But he would not raise his arm to salute ... The first time the guard noticed, he shouted "Why didn't you salute?" "Because God forbids me to" ... That evening they came to get him. Solitary! For a week! Afterwards we saw him come back with swollen and black eyes. "Be reasonable," his friends told him ... He shook his head. The next day he way caught again. He went back to solitary for two weeks. When he came back he was unrecognizable. But he would not raise his arm ... Accompanied by five SS they took him into the little courtyard. "Raise your arm! Raise your arm! Raise your arm!" ... They rained blows upon him. He slipped on a frozen puddle and fell ... They beat him until he lost consciousness. His blood froze on the ground ... He would not salute. We gave up hope. They separated him from us and placed him in a cell with "inveterate criminals" ... Every day he has to empty the latrine pits on the run. His hands bleed from carrying buckets. And when it's not that, it's solitary or beatings ... The SS made bets about him. "Will salute! "Won't salute!" ... He was supporting himself against the wall. He met an SS in the vestibule. His right hand came up awkwardly. The extended hand was coated with dried blood

The quotation from Die Moorsoldaten can be found in Reynaud & Graffard's Jehovah's Witnesses and the Nazis: Persecution, Deportation, and Murder (1938-1945); the authors remark We can only add with humility that he was only a man, but what a man

It's hard to know what people's strange ideas really mean. I don't understand the Jehovah's Witnesses at all, and I find their ideas strange, but I decided some time ago not to make fun of them anymore. And personally, I stay away from Facebook

[Silent3]

14. You're missing the point of the OP

I'm talking about a visceral, automatic reactions to various things. Whether I were to keep such reactions to myself or not, the reactions would still be there. This has nothing to do with making fun of anyone.

I have a feeling what you really want to do is tell me, "Well, don't have that reaction!", but can't get yourself to say that flat out because you know how absurd such a suggestion would be. I guessing you're thinking it's "wrong" of me to even have such reactions internally.

[trotsky]

15. Not only does he think it's wrong...

he's viewing this as an opportunity to try and send you on a guilt trip because sometimes people do admirable things for cringe-worthy reasons. Not that THAT gets the point of the OP either, but meh, they can't help but sermonize sometimes.

[cleanhippie]

23. Agreed, totally missed the point.

[Silent3]

16. Here's a great cringe-worthy example

From http://scienceblogs.com/goodmath/2009/10/sorry_denise_-_but_god_didnt_m.php#more:

It brings to mind an interesting story. Back when I was in college, my family had to move. My parents had taken out a ten-year renegotiable mortgage, and they couldn't afford the increased payments while also making the tuition bills for me and my brother. They ended up selling the house very quickly. But it was really strange. The people who bought it were Chinese, and they hated just about everything about the house. They hated the landscaping. They hated the kitchen. They hated the tiling. They hated the slate foyer. They hated the windows. They hated the parquet wood floors. They thought it was too big. Honestly, if there was anything that they actually liked about the house, I don't know what it was. But they bought it. Because it faced in the right direction, and it was the only house facing exactly that direction on the market. Their feng shui master had told them that they must have a house that faced in that direction - that anything else would bring them terrible luck. So they bought it.

[Evoman]

17. This weekend, I visited my in-laws and saw a Sylvia Browne book.

My revulsion was so intense I had to toss the book away. I'm sure there was thought before action, as there more or less has to be, but it was nevertheless fairly instantaneous.

Hell, the world is shock-full of stupid shit that makes me go Gack. I don't care if people think it's wrong that I find it revolting, or that it makes me cringe. I also get the same reaction when I see a movie with an obvious cliche, or a movie with "a stirring speech". Like those screaming, hooting, speeches the war leader gives to his troops, or the coach gives to his players. It's even worse when it's a real life person who is inspired by the movies and tries to give a similar speech.

[skepticscott]

18. Well, it doesn't bother me so much

when young girls do this sort of thing on a social networking site (especially since I never go near such places), but when Barack Obama, running for president, says "We worship an AWESOME God in the blue states!", that's definitely grounds for cringing.

[Silent3]

19. Yes, the cringing is definitely stronger...

...when it comes from someone you have higher hopes for.

[onager]

20. Especially since it's a reference to one of the worst songs EVER...

"Awesome God," written in the 1980's by Rich Mullins. One of the most unaccountably popular "Praise Songs" in the short history of that awful genre, it has been covered in every style from ska to hip-hop to Xian metal.

Even Mullins calls it one of the worst songs he ever wrote. But he thinks Gawd was speaking thru him. So along with his other obvious failings, now we know the Xian god has no sense of rhyme, meter or lyrical taste.

And no sense of rhythm, so maybe God really is a Bush-type WASP.

Despite all the gack-worthy crap mentioned in this thread so far, you better get a bucket ready before you read these lyrics:

When He rolls up His sleeves
He ain't just putting on the ritz
(Our God is an awesome God)
There's thunder in His footsteps
And lightning in His fists
(Our God is an awesome God)
And the Lord wasn't joking
When He kicked 'em out of Eden
It wasn't for no reason
That He shed His blood
His return is very close
And so you better be believing that
Our God is an awesome God

CHORUS:
Our God is an awesome God
He reigns from heaven above
With wisdom, power, and love
Our God is an awesome God

And when the sky was starless
In the void of the night
(Our God is an awesome God)
He spoke into the darkness
And created the light
(Our God is an awesome God)
Judgement and wrath He poured out on Sodom
Mercy and grace He gave us at the cross
I hope that we have not
Too quickly forgotten that
Our God is an awesome God

[iris27]

21. Thank you for THAT horrific earworm...

...can't believe I used to own that CD...and play it all the damn time... *shudder*

[Silent3]

22. A new cringe-worthy bit of Facebook posting from my sister

It's one thing that many people talk about praying for this and that and praying for each other in times of crisis. That in itself doesn't bother me too much -- I don't think it's particularly effective, but I'm inured to it in our culture, and I think a lot of the time it's just a way to express sympathy used even by people who themselves might not believe much in the "power of prayer".

My sister, however... she starts a post about some who has suffered a couple of unexpected deaths in their family with "PRAYER ALERT". Yes, ALL CAPS, as if it were SPECIAL BULLETIN or TORNADO WARNING IN EFFECT. As if there's a God out there who responds even more to prayers if people are called out like volunteer firefighters to pray en masse for a particular cause.

If only I could bring myself to ask (I can't. I avoid discussion of religion and politics with my sister like the plague.) I'm pretty certain I'd find out she happily thinks of herself as a "prayer warrior".

Cringe. Cringe. Cringe. <shudder>

[cleanhippie]

24. Can you share the story of how your sister decided to become born-again?

Was there some sort of "episode" that was the catalyst? Was she always easily led by others opinions? I would love to know just how you, her brother, seems to have a rational mind yet she does not. Your OP says that she is a new convert, so was she rational before?

[Silent3]

25. I certainly didn't intend to convey the impression...

...that my sister is a new convert. She's in her late 40s now, and I think the beginnings of her current right wing/fundamentalist ways started happening in her teens.

Most of whatever happened happened out of sight from me, or in ways that didn't call much attention to themselves for me at the time (I'm just a year older than this particular sister) since I was raised Catholic, but not particularly aware of interdenominational differences in Christianity, and still nominally religious myself. Thinking back, I don't think it really occurred to me back then that much of anyone actually took the Bible literally or disbelieved in evolution who wasn't living in an unheated shack in the Ozarks.

My sister was the one who was always getting in trouble for things like getting caught with pot, getting in trouble at school, going out when she wasn't supposed to, while I was more the quiet type. Yet, in retrospect, I think that is was some of the friends she was getting in trouble with who were also some of the ones getting into fundy Christianity. I ended up briefly hanging out with a "non-denominational Christian" youth group for a while myself, after finding out about it from my sister.

I don't particularly remember any heavy-handed fundy message, just a lot of emphasis on being "saved" and how great Jesus was. What I liked about the group was that they had a trampoline. :)

I don't think I heard from my sister that she was off the deep end with this stuff until we were both in our twenties, and we were living hundreds of miles from each other. The rest of my family tried to keep it from me, but years after the event, I pieced together than she'd gotten pregnant at some point when she was around 18, and that my father had her (made her?) get an abortion. Perhaps her feelings about that had been a turning point in her beliefs.

My sister is fairly intelligent, but I think I remember her always being pretty irrational too (not that I was all that rational as a teen either, but much more than her by comparison). She didn't want anyone to think she was "too" smart, so she dumbed herself down in the way she acted. I remember trying to talk to her about things like whether space was infinite or not, and she actually told me, quite literally, that it "hurt" for her to think about things like that, it disturbed her in some way she preferred to avoid. That seems like the perfect set-up to be receptive to someone providing answers you don't have to think about.

[cleanhippie]

26. Ahh, I see.

Yeah, I was under the impression she was a new convert. Wasn't trying to pry, so thanks for sharing.