Conservative Magazine Asks 'Will He Ever Return?'

[Christa]

The editors of Newsmax might be getting a little impatient for the second coming of Christ.

The conservative magazine's latest cover story, "The Jesus Question," is about the son of god's return to earth as prophesied in the Bible.

Jesus is no stranger to newstands. Biblical history interests plenty of readers. Just ask a few magazine editors. But the text accompanying Newsmax's Jesus cover story ("Will He Ever Return?") seems to strike a more plaintive, are-we-there-yet tone, that differs from those of the general interest magazines.

While "the article is posted online, a search of the magazine's web site yields a bulleted outline that will tell many readers what they want to know.



http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/03/27/newsmax-jesus-cover-conse_n_515705.html

[uberblonde]

1. Hmm.

I thought Glenn Beck was already here!

[Christa]

3. I heard he returned

but was arrested upon arrival and is now residing in Gitmo.

[deutsey]

41. That would make for a great short film skit.

Kind of like the end of Monty Python's Holy Grail where Arthur is arrested by British cops.

[DeSwiss]

62. No, no, no you've got it wrong.....

...he returned -- was arrested upon arrival and is now "living with Mo."

[TheCowsCameHome]

2. Before I saw the pic, I thought they meant Reagan

And look at that fat racist dirtbag up in the corner - he looks ready to explode.

[AlecBGreen]

4. lol me too

Though to some, Reagan WAS the 2nd coming of Christ. Maybe they're hoping for a three-peat? :shrug:

[madrchsod]

8. so did i......

[mwb970]

11. I assumed they meant Reagan, too.

Same thing, I guess.

The Christianist obsession with the "return" of Jesus seems highly superstitious if not downright pathological to me. I guess I'm "cut from a different cloth" than the True Believers. The whole Jesus story sounds like pure poppycock to me, just like it did when I first heard about it at age six.

I never fell for the Santa Claus story either - alas, I had already read too many science and nature books that didn't mention flying reindeer. As for the Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, etc., my parents didn't even try to fool me with those outlandish tall tales.

I gather that conservatives are exactly the opposite - ready, even eager, to believe anything whatsoever as long as it makes them feel good or confirms their prejudices. I could never be like that.

Two Americas, indeed. Smartest thing John Edwards ever said.

[tama]

23. Yule Goat

Why not to believe in Him? ;)

"One interesting theory about the origins of Joulupukki and his flying reindeer, comes from the aboriginal Sami people of Lapland. In the forests there is a common poisonous mushroom, Amanita muscaria that is red with white dots. The shamans of Sami used to feed this mushroom to the reindeer, whereby the intestinal tract of the reindeer would filter out the poison, but leave the intoxicating substances. The urine of the reindeer would then be collected, and used as a hallucinogenic by the shamans. The shamans would often have out-of-the-body experiences and fly in the sky, returning through the chimney hole of their tent or cottage to their bodies. This shamanistic tradition would explain the flying reindeer, the use of chimneys, and even the red-white colouring of Joulupukki."
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joulupukki

Reindeers are actually grazy about Amanita Muscaria... also the most common interpretation of "soma" of Veda litterature is that it refers to Amanita muscaria.

Coca-Cola Santa is Yule Goat high on cocaine...

[mwb970]

27. Wow, amazing info.

I had no idea there was anything like that behind the story. Thanks for posting this!

[rrneck]

32. There y'see. Now I'm learning. Thanks for the info. :) nt

[ironbark]

48. Amanita muscaria is also said to be the Tree of Knowledge in garden of Eden.

According to ‘The Sacred Mushroom and the Cross’ the oldest Christian frescos depict Amanita muscaria as The Tree Of Knowledge (or more precisely the tree of knowledge between good and evil).
Use of such a substance could well explain a change in consciousness through which “they knew (became conscious of) their nakedness.

This scenario would make far more sense than a prohibition on eating an apple.

The deepest theology I have yet encountered came from Aboriginal Elder Henry ‘Banjo’ Clarke who asked-
“That Addam and Eve…..How come they ate the apple instead of the snake?
You get a much better feed from a snake….and it would have avoided a whole mess of trouble”

;-)

[SpiralHawk]

5. No he never returned*

and his fate is still unlearned.
He may ride forever
'neath the streets of Boston
He's the man who never returned.
Poor old Charlie

Ooops - 'scuse me. Wrong archetypal Myth of Return.

But as for Christ, he ain't coming back the way these folks think: wearing a robe, sandals, full of hate and scorn for the poor and social justice, and packing an AK-47. No frikkin way.

Besides, the Republicon Homelander elite -- including the Bush Skull & Boner Clan -- already worship their Second Coming Moneybags Guy - Rev. Moon. So for them there's nothing to wait for...The Republicon Christ Moonster looks Positively Papal in this pic...

[elocs]

6. In the context of the good news that the Liberal and Socialist Jesus preached,

he has never really left. The fools do not realize that Jesus already gave them what they need if they would just love their neighbors as they love themselves. Maybe that is the problem--they do not really love themselves.

However, if Jesus were to return in the same manner as his first incarnation he would be viewed by most Christians as a homeless and unemployed bum who gets the common people all stirred up with his teachings of love and socialism. In the end they would do what they did the first time--kill him.

[hyphenate]

46. Or lock the poor bastard up

in a mental home, believing he suffered from schizophrenia.

[madrchsod]

7. so they can nail him back on another cross?

[SpiralHawk]

9. Or try to convince him that torture is justifiable for republicon 'christians'

eom

[TheCowsCameHome]

12. Velcro

Nails are sooooo yesterday.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

10. I heard that he just left Chicago and is bound for New Orleans.

:shrug:

[Jokerman]

13. Workin' from one end to the other...

and all points in between.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

15. He took a jump through Mississippi and muddy water turned to wine

Then out to California through the forests and pines.

[Vinnie From Indy]

14. Five.....Five....Five dollar foot loooong!

Pimpin Jesus for a few bucks I see.

Rush Limbaugh's picture in the upper left looks like his fat face is going to explode any day now.

[Silent3]

16. I love the italic EVER

WILL HE EVER RETURN?

It's like they're sighing, tapping their watches, thinking "Come on now! Where the f*ck did he go!? Doesn't he know we're waiting for Him down here!?"

[RagAss]

17. He's holding out for a signing bonus.

[EvolveOrConvolve]

18. I love how they dress him up as a long-haired hippie white dude

These douchenozzles have no idea that were Jesus a real person who actually existed, that he would have looked a lot more like the "enemy" (ie, the dirty brown people they're so scared of) instead of some cartoonish caricature from a low budget straight-to-DVD movie.

[ironbark]

19. The whole thrust of the New Testament is that they did not recognise him the first time.

On what basis does anyone believe that he would be recognised the next time?

One of the features of prophecy regarding the second coming is that the messiah would return as “A thief in the night”.

It is well within the realms of possibility, and the evidence of the historical record, that he has been and gone.

[tama]

24. A thief in the night::

"Whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me."

[ironbark]

25. I can interpret that

as the universality of god, what is omitted/left undone for the least is left undone for god.

But to the OP, the possibility remains that the expectations regarding the second coming have been fulfilled.

One clue to this possibility resides in the story of Jiddu Krishnamurti (mentioned in Mind over matter thread) and the reason the Theosophists created the. ‘Order of the Star’ around him.

Another clue would be William Miller and ‘The Year of the Great Disappointment’.

Both of these matters would appear to be false trails/dead ends to their objective…but perhaps not.

Another clue would be Samuel Morse and his first message dispatched by electric telegraph
“What Hath God Wrought?”.

This was the birth of the technology by which we currently communicate across the planet…and in the very act of doing so…forge a single village.

May 24, 1844.

[tama]

28. Krishnamurti

You know the twin myth (gr. didymos, hebrew judas)? I don't, but I've wondered about Apollonios of Tyana, among others.

There were both Jiddu and UG namesakes (http://www.well.com/~jct/). They entangled in a wierd anti-guru hip trip ("Messiah is the one who leaves a mess behind."). Of course, both were absolutely wrong about everything. :)

[ironbark]

29. If Jiddu was “absolutely wrong about everything” then he must be the messiah.

Potted history-
The Theosophists, embracing the motto/principle- “There is no religion higher than truth”, conducted one of the first major comparative religion investigations into all faiths and traditions.

They concluded, quite rightly, that not only do the major faiths hold core beliefs (Golden Rule) in common but they all also share a body of prophecy regarding the return of a founder.
The Hindu, Zoroastrian, Buddhist, Jewish, Christian and Islamic faiths all have prophecies regarding messianic return and these prophecies interplay, overlap and reference each other.

The research and investigation conducted by the Theosophists was exhaustive, reasoned and fundamentally sound. It did not point towards the world being inundated by contending and conflicting messiah candidates from all faiths but towards a single figure representing all and fulfilling the prophecy of all. A revolutionary and radical reading of religion.

The Theosophists next move was far from reasoned but very human. Having concluded that there would be a single messianic figure, a ‘Great World Teacher’, they set out to find/provide same.
They selected the twelve year old Jiddu Krishnamurti and raised/educated him to fulfil the role.
The ‘Order of the Star’ was established as a vehicle for this world teaching effort and thousands flocked to it.
I believe Jiddu was about 21, standing before some 4-5 thousand members of the Order. When he declared he was not the great world teacher/messiah.

A courageous act for a young man being offered the world.That he subsequently became avidly anti guru aught come as no surprise.

So…no…Jiddu Krishnamurti was not “absolutely wrong about everything”……nor was he wrong in his subsequent examination of the relationship between the ‘observer and the observed’.

The question/clue remains-
on what basis did the Theosophists conclude commonality and singularity regarding return prophecy…

And what might these prior points have to do with it-

Another clue would be William Miller and ‘The Year of the Great Disappointment’.

Both of these matters would appear to be false trails/dead ends to their objective…but perhaps not.

Another clue would be Samuel Morse and his first message dispatched by electric telegraph
“What Hath God Wrought?”.

This was the birth of the technology by which we currently communicate across the planet…and in the very act of doing so…forge a single village.

May 24, 1844.

[tama]

30. A non-clue from a clueless (but I like the style):

My Swan Song

U.G. Krishnamurti



What I have found of and by myself runs counter to everything anyone has said in any field of human thought. They have misled themselves and misguided everybody. You still fall for all that because if, for instance, you were to change your diet you would die of starvation. But I want to live forever! Can you keep me alive and healthy, the way I have lived for ninety years of my life? No? But that’s all that interests me!

When once it throws out everything that has been put in there by your filthy culture, this body will function in an extraordinarily intelligent way. It can take care of everything.

If at any time I accept anything, it is not what the religious people have told me about the way the body functions, but what the medical doctors have found. Yet, what they do not know is immense; and they will never know how this body functions.

I have never taken any medicine nor have I ever seen a doctor. All the doctors who have advised me not to live the kind of life I had been living are now dead and gone. There is one exception – once, I had typhoid fever when I lived in Madras. My wife’s brother was a top doctor in the General Hospital in Madras. The British had a wing in the hospital for themselves and nobody else was allowed to stay in the rooms in that wing. That year, however, they opened the wing to the general public. So my brother-in-law got me one room in it and another for my family members. In that room my wife and grandmother stayed. Three nurses took care of me taking turns every eight hours for a whole month, after which I walked out.

Although I assert that all doctors should be shot, I don’t advise others not to see a doctor. I don’t know what I will do if I am in a situation where I want to prolong my life a little longer. So I would never tell others not to see a doctor.

I brushed aside everything born out of human thought. Everything they told me falsified me. And what you are trying to get you can never get, because there is nothing to get.

What you are is a belief; if you let one belief go, you must replace it with another; otherwise, you will drop dead. I am telling you, a clinical death will occur. It is not the near death experience of those ‘near death’ scoundrels.

So you better go and make money and enjoy the fruits thereof.

All those filthy religious people are fooling themselves and fooling everybody, living on the gullibility and credulity of people, making an easy living, selling shoddy pieces of goods and promising you some goodies that they can never deliver. But you want to believe all that nonsense. It’s a reflection on your intelligence that you fall for all that crap to which you are exposed.

Nobody has given me the mandate to save you people or save the world. The human species should be wiped out for what it has done to every other species on this planet! It has no place on this planet. If I am sure of one thing, it is that. If it were not for your destructive weapons, you would have been wiped out a long time ago. And you are going to be wiped out, because now others have the means to wipe you out. But you are not going to go gracefully without taking every form of life on this planet with you.

With minimum means you can wipe out the maximum power.

The body knows what it needs to do to survive. If it does not have the means to survive, it goes gracefully. The only reason for this organism to exist is to give continuity to the human species. Sex is only for reproduction, but you have turned that into a pleasure movement. What else is sex for than reproduction?

The human kind appeared on this planet and it thinks all this has been created for its use. You think you were created for a grander and nobler purpose. The human being is a more despicable thing than all the other forms of life on this planet.

You are just an animal, but you are not ready to accept that. You are not more intelligent than the other animals.

The native intelligence of the human body is amazing. That is all it needs to survive in any dangerous situation in life.

The native intelligence is what you are born with; the intellect is acquired from what they teach you. So, you don’t have any words or phrases, or even experiences, which you can call your own. You have to use that knowledge that has been put in there in order to experience anything.

There is nothing to your love: if you don’t get what you want, what happens to your, ‘I love you darling, dearie, honey bunch, shnookie putsie, sugar britches, petite shu-shu, sugar booger?’ If you don’t get what you want out of all that, what happens to your lovey-dovey?

The only test for me is money. How free you are with your money? I don’t mean, “How wasteful you are with your money?”

I have nothing to lose if the whole thing is wiped out. I have nothing to gain if it remains the same.

The only relationship you have with anybody in this world is “What do I get out of it?” That’s all you care about. Other than that, there is nothing to it!

You all fool yourselves thinking that you are going to get something by hanging around me… ho ho ho! You’re not going to get a thing because there is no need to get anything from anybody.

You can’t fit me into any religious frame. I don’t need to fool people and thrive on their gullibility and credulity. Why should I? I’m telling you, you will lose everything! You are not going to get anything from anybody. There is no need for me to say you’re not going to get what you want from anyone else either. That you will find out by yourself. But that you can’t do either by your own effort or by your volition or by anything you do or do not do. That is not something that happens in the field of cause and effect.

Everything was thrown out of my system. I don’t know how I was thrown off the merry go round. I went round and round and round. I was lucky -- luck, not in the sense that when you go to a gambling place and win if you’re lucky. They put me on a merry go round; I went on and on and on. I didn’t have the guts to jump off. I was just thrown off like an animal thrown from the top of a tree. The animal just gets up and runs off.

Fear makes your body stiff and then you will certainly break your limbs. My body is never stiff.

The demand for permanence -- permanent relationships, permanent happiness, and permanent bliss -- in any field and in any area of human existence is the cause of human misery. There is nothing to permanence.

So don’t be a damned fool! Go and make money. That’s the only thing that impresses me – cash on the barrel! I told my grandparents this even as a little boy.

I am in perfect harmony with this world, exactly the way it is.

I will never break the laws, no matter how ridiculous the laws are.

I told Bertrand Russell, “The H-bomb is an extension of your policeman; are you willing to do away with the policeman?”

“You have to draw the line somewhere!” he said. I just said goodbye and walked out.

There is no need to change this world at all; and there is no need to change yourself either.

I am not a sociable man; yet I am not anti-social.

What I am trying to emphasize over and over again is that what has happened to me has nothing to do with the spiritual nonsense they preach; it doesn’t have even a teeny weenie bit of spiritual content. It is a physical phenomenon pure and simple. Once this body is freed from the stranglehold of whatever is put in there either by spiritual teachers or secular teachers, or by those scientists and medical technology, it functions in a very efficient way.

At the time I was born, when my mother introduced herself to me as “I am your mommy” and hugged me and kissed me, I apparently kicked her; and she died in seven days after I was born. When they put me into the frame of an enlightened man, they said that the mother of such a child can never have any more children or sex, and that she would die. Actually she died of puerperal fever, but not because she gave birth to an enlightened man. They have to put such people into that frame of giving birth to an enlightened man.

An enlightened man can never have sex because he cannot reproduce another one like him. Once an interviewer on television asked me, “Can’t we take your sperm and make a woman pregnant?” I answered, “There is no sperm anymore.” Anandamayi stopped having her periods when she was twenty-one, after whatever had happened to her. She was a nice lady. She was a genuine article.

Your birth is not in your hands. You’re here because your parents had sex. But I can say now that that your death is in your hands.

There is no meaning in and no purpose to suffering.

If a body is lucky enough to stumble into its natural way of functioning, it happens not through your effort, not through your volition; it just happens, but not by what you do or do not do. It is not even a happening within the field of cause and effect. ‘Acausal’ is the most appropriate word for it, because a happening can never be outside the field of cause and effect.

If it stumbles into this of and by itself, such a body will be so unique that it will be unparalleled in this world and will function in an extraordinary way. Such a body has never existed before on this planet.

You don’t have to take my word for it. Be miserable and die in your misery.

And such a man will be more spiritual than all the other claimants, but not in the ordinary sense of ‘spiritual’ -- that nonsense must never be used. Spirit is only the breath as in “he breathed his last;” the word has nothing to do with the spiritual crap.

The End

[ironbark]

31. If the issue was Marxism you would raise Harpo?...Ahhh well...

[tama]

33. Mute Angel Playing Harp... oh!

Global interweb, collective intelligence (and consciousness!?), new gift economies, deep ecology and neohippie ecovillages, Anastasia movement, finding the Gnostic Gospels, Hopi prediction and New Age neopagan mythologies, Castaneda and Gurdijeff, Eagle and Condor meating, Finnegans Wake and Crash of the Global Pyramid scam, 2012 and peak oil consciousness, quantum revolution, psychadelics and doors of perception, Lord of the Ring and Matrix trilogy and Avatar, Jiddu and David Bohm and Indra's net and quantum holography, etc... so many clues... but of what? Does "it" really matter? There being no secret behind anything, just interconnectnets of everything.

BTW a former version of me was attending the Jiddu camp in Saanen 1984, invited by a friend who later became pupil and coworker of Bohm. Bygones and may you live Interesting Times! :)

[ironbark]

35. “…but of what? Does "it" really matter?”

Perhaps nothing. Perhaps everything.
Like stepping towards Sheldrake…perhaps there is a truth to be gleaned…only the investigation and the preparedness to undertake it will tell.
Perhaps a process of sorting pearls from dross, smoothing the way, spreading the knowledge of prior experience/investigation.

Take one from many potential- Castaneda, academic fraud/hoaxster, never did the Anthropology he claimed, never met the people he reported-‘La Catelina’ the ‘witch’ is actually the Hotel in which Dr Tim Leary set himself up. Castaneda, saw himself as engaged in a battle against Leary for the minds of a generation. Having worked in psych services I have met many such minds…knowing the truth behind Castaneda helps me and helps them sort out the shit from the shugar.
;-)

“There being no secret behind anything, just interconnectnets of everything”

Again, Perhaps, perhaps not. There remain things that can be examined/verified to be called true or at least probable and things that can/should be disguarded as useless bullshit.

The OP raises the issue of messianic return- Perhaps no one is returning, Perhaps they are all coming back on a crowded buss, perhaps the thief has been and gone.

I’m suggesting there is enough information/clues to suggest that the latter may well be the case.
At least as much evidence as Sheldrake provides for esp.

Enough evidence to prompt an interested person to enquire further. Not interested?…cool.

But perhaps the ‘secret’ is an open secret and perhaps it matters to the very core of our understanding of “interconnectedness” and what we understand of it and do with it.

Jiddu was only of interest and only introduced inasmuch as he leads back to the Theosophical Societies study and conclusion.

All the best

[tama]

36. The natural state

Seekers make an awfull fuzz about it and so do Jiddu and UG, not to mention Jesus and Gautama and all the "messianic" teachers and gurus. The hopes projected at them, the messianic expectations. Why did they and do they allow such foolishness to happen? Giving rise to organized religions and power hierarchies, to dogmatism without empirical experience. Not very responsible behaviour, how stupid shamans/natural states, Jesus and Gautama and the likes.

Natural state does not automatically make some one wiser and morally better or more intelligent and more responsible. Very civilized teachers like Gautama and Jesus and Jiddu and UG don't know how to hunt and gather and garden sustainably to keep themselves fed and clothed, all they know is to speak big words and be big men that cause inferiority complex in others so that others keep the clothed and fed. They live in unsustainable cultures dominated by few annual hay plants - wheat, barley, rice - and share the short sighted stupidity and greed of those hay plants. They are beggars uplifted into hierarchic bosses or trophy animals.

Those beggar-boss kinds of natural states/shamanhoods are exceptions, not the rule. How many of !Kung and Pirahã, for example, live in the natural state of "kundalini"? 30-100% percent? Don't really know, does not really matter. What matters is that they don't go around bossing others and expecting others to feed them.

The problem is, we don't really know how to grow annual hay plants sustainably and without creating hierarchic societies. We have no idea, it's a horticultural mystery. I know of only one enlightened guru or natural state that has given this tought and showed that rice can be grown naturally. The do-nothing method of Wasanobu Fukuoka, the only enlightened guru worth his salt in cultures worshipping annual hay plants.

The return of the Messiah?

[ironbark]

37. So much slippage between the posts tama

Trying to find the needle (point) of mine in your haystacks.

From Jiddu, to UG, to Harpo, to "Castaneda and Gurdijeff, Eagle and Condor meating, Finnegans Wake and Crash of the Global Pyramid scam, 2012 and peak oil consciousness, quantum revolution, psychadelics and doors of perception, Lord of the Ring and Matrix trilogy and Avatar…."
and now to big wig bossy beggars in agricultural society? Perhaps add ‘Neo Tech’ to your list? ;-)

Too few points of contact.

Will try this…if it can be shown that the dog returns to the window/door with statistically high frequency in expectation of the masters return and without any physical signal…that, alone, means something and potentially something important. Something worthy of further investigation.
It does not matter if I know the man and do not like him, it does not matter if he works for Monsanto or Dow Chemicals, it does not matter if I think believe he is a privileged pig with his snout in the trough of corporate profit, it does not matter if I don’t like his breed of dog.

The only thing that is germane is the statistical anomaly of the dog returning to the window/door that can be demonstrated to stand beyond mere chance.

I have offered, 3-4 times, a parallel consideration of statistical anomaly, events that might be considered outside the parameters of chance.

And that is to be ignored in favour of opinion...

“Why did they and do they allow such foolishness to happen? Giving rise to organized religions and power hierarchies, to dogmatism without empirical experience.”

Why does a parent allow children to play in dirt, climb trees, swim in the ocean, go to school, get in fights, sneak out at night, join gangs, take drugs, have unprotected sex

“Not very responsible behaviour, how stupid…” parents can be to allow children to do such things.

Free will, inexperience, organic and evolutionary individual and collective growth. Even with the best environment and parental instruction humans are clearly capable of turning “Thou shalt not kill” into “Die, heretic die”…and will form gangs, local and national, to achieve an end 180% opposed to parental instruction.

“What matters is that they don't go around bossing others and expecting others to feed them.”

Again, see Neo Tech, looks like it might appeal ;-)

“The problem is, we don't really know how to grow annual hay plants sustainably and without creating hierarchic societies. We have no idea,…”

I disagree on both counts.
The food of the future will be fruits and grains and we do know how it can be done.
There was a time that we did not know how to govern a village, city, city state, nation. Now we are faced with a globe and non hierarchic organisations are beyond developmental stage and ready for implementation.

“The return of the Messiah?”

That’s the OP but clearly something that is not going to be discussed even as a possibility worthy of consideration…even at the level of demonstrable anomaly in statistical probability/chance.

[tama]

39. Meaningfull coincidences

What Jung called 'synchronicities'... "anomaly in statistical probability/chance".

Yeah, they keep happening, life is full of them on all levels. IMHO it's better to just get used to them as "normal" mystery that goes over ability theoretical modelling, instead of giving them interpretations of big and loaded words that so easily lead to "Die, heretic, die!" Giving them just one interpretation and sticking with that. Nothing wrong with speculation, entertaining various interpretations, or just not giving any interpretation.

[tama]

40. A nice song

"and when he knew for certain
only drowning men could see him
he said all the men will be sailors
until the see shall free them"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=snMOmHzgssk

[ironbark]

44. When Cohen ruled the cosmos we whispered back

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WBOClErsH6I

[struggle4progress]

20. "The messiah will come only when he is no longer necessary" -- Franz Kafka

[ironbark]

26. Which Disciple was Franz again? n/t

[laconicsax]

43. The one who rejects Jesus as the Messiah.

Kafka was Jewish...you know, that little religion that believes the Messiah still hasn't come. Kinda makes s4p's quote irrelevant since the 'messiah' he was referencing wasn't Jesus.

[ZombieHorde]

21. He has never been here, so the question has a false premise. nt

[tama]

22. He looks like a hippie.

Funny that also conservative Xians worship a hippie in drag. :)

[Manifestor_of_Light]

34. The Jews are still waiting for the Messiah the first time.

Since jesus met NONE of the conditions indicated in the OT for the Messiah, such as bringing peace to the world, unifying Israel, being of royal birth, and so on.

More info: www.jewsforjudaism.org

[LAGC]

38. I wish conservative Christians would practice what they preach.

And butt out of secular affairs, including politics, as this life is nothing but temporary, and once the Second Coming of Christ happens, all the "liberal evil" of the world will be wiped away anyway...

[deutsey]

42. I love Bill Hicks' take on this

I think it’s interesting how people act on their beliefs. A lot of Christians, for instance, wear crosses around their necks. Nice sentiment, but do you think when Jesus comes back, he’s really going to want to look at a cross? (Audience laughs. Bill makes a face of pain and horror.)

Ow! Maybe that’s why he hasn’t shown up yet. (As Jesus looking down from Heaven) “I’m not going, Dad. No, they’re still wearing crosses—they totally missed the point. When they start wearing fishes, I might go back again. . . . No, I’m not going. . . . O.K., I’ll tell you what—I’ll go back as a bunny.”


Read more: http://www.newyorker.com/archive/1993/11/01/1993_11_01_113_TNY_CARDS_000365503#ixzz0jaiS2U6Q

[hyphenate]

45. HUH!

I never, ever knew that Newsmax was an actual, paper magazine. I'm surprised. Is it put out by the Ailes/Murdoch juggernaut?

[charlie]

47. No

But Murdoch gives shout-outs to his wingnut homey once in a while.

FEMALE suicide bombers are being fitted with exploding breast implants which are almost impossible to detect, British spies have reportedly discovered.

The shocking new al-Qaeda tactic involves radical doctors inserting the explosives in women's breasts during plastic surgery — making them "virtually impossible to detect by the usual airport scanning machines".

...

MI5 has also discovered that extremists are inserting the explosives into the buttocks of some male suicide bombers.

Terrorist expert Joseph Farah claims: "Women suicide bombers recruited by al-Qaeda are known to have had the explosives inserted in their breasts under techniques similar to breast enhancing surgery."

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/2903793/Radicals-deadly-booby-trap.html

[frogmarch]

49. I saw a young, bearded,

barefoot man wearing nothing but a loincloth near Torrington, Wyoming a few summers ago. He was walking alongside the highway, lugging a huge wooden cross on his back. The base of the cross was on wheels. Good thing, because it looked too heavy to drag very far.

He was Jesus, I'm sure, because a few seconds after I drove past him, I looked for him in my rearview mirror - and he was gone. I figured he'd decided to hell with it.

[beam me up scottie]

50. Is this him? (minus the beard and loincloth-thankyajeebus):

Why, yes, I do live in the bible belt, why do you ask?

[frogmarch]

51. No wheels,

and the cross lugger in your picture isn't wearing only a loincloth, plus he's wearing shoes and looks clean-shaven. Other than that, and the fact that your cross lugger looks lots heavier than mine did, yes, that's my Jesus. :-)

By any chance, do you live in the bi... Wait. You already said you do.

Is this a common sight where you live?

[beam me up scottie]

52. Yes, every year we have a migration of loons...

And my Jesus has wheels too, he just has it cleverly hidden so you think he's really suffering (it was 95°F that day and muggy).

I wouldn't mind if he was hairy and barefoot, but a loincloth would send the ick factor off the charts.

:)

[frogmarch]

53. lol...a migration of loons :-)

Yes, loincloths are pretty icky, all right. :-D

Here's sort of what my Jesus looked like (0:31):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IVseBfMq_Dc

[beam me up scottie]

58. BWA-HAHAHAHAHAHA!

I haven't seen that in years, lmao! The first time I watched it I immediately sent it to my brother who was stationed in Ramadi. Thanks for posting it! :D

[Meshuga]

55. My friend almost got his ass kicked by one of these cross on wheel Jesus'

for pointing out that Jesus didn't have a wheel for his cross. This was years ago when we were in Memphis drinking beer and we were fed up that the missionaries would not leave us alone.

How are you doing BMUS? I am the former MrWiggles who changed the name last time the DU name change was available. :hi:

I hope you are doing well!

[beam me up scottie]

57. I remember you, silly!

I'm doing okay, how about you?

Hey, can you make me an honorary jew? I only ask because I can't get the fundies to leave me alone and god-bothering jews is really bad ju-ju.

Boy oh boy, would those dreary preachy family holidays be fun! And it's not like they would know the difference.

:evilgrin:

[Meshuga]

60. Of course!

The honorary Jew certificate is in the mail. :-) The Jew card works well and you will see the face expression of the missionary changing (with anger) since he/she knows it is futile to continue.

[Silent3]

54. I wonder if they have collapsible wheeled crucifixes...

...you know, for rolling through the airport, something small enough for carry-on?

[beam me up scottie]

56. Yeah, carting around all that dead weight must be a bitch, especially when Jesus is still attached:

[DeSwiss]

63. Oh yeah.....

- I've seen him too......

[saltpoint]

59. He may have taken Amtrak, which would explain the delay.

[harry_pothead]

61. No he'll never return.. He'll be on the Boston MTA forever.