Christianity to Embrace Household Denominationalism

[MineralMan]

The history of the Christian church is a history of schisms and denominationalism. Christians appear to divide and separate frequently, much like amoebae. This has lead to a profusion of names, doctrines, and focuses within Christianity as a whole.

In a blindingly brilliant move, church bodies everywhere are embracing a new concept: Individual denominations for each Christian household will be the new future of Christianity. The benefits are almost endless, but include tax benefits, since each home containing a Christian family will be tax exempt, and each adult homeowner will be the ordained minister of that denomination. In some households, more than one denomination will exist, since full doctrinal agreement amongst Christians is almost unheard-of.

Additionally, each household denomination will adopt a single Bible Verse as its sole reason for being. This will complete the overall splintering of Christianity and fulfill the ultimate destiny of world Christianity.

Illustrating the power of Household Denominationalism, Ima Blessing, pastor of the newly-formed Church of 147 Maple Circle in Cleveland, said, "This is the best thing that has ever happened to Christianity. Too many churches completely ignore the seminal verse in the New Testament. 'Jesus Wept.' is my church's total doctrine. You won't find that kind of clarity and simplicity at your local Presbyterian Church, now, will you?"

The motto of this new movement was announced at the gathering which produced this new movement:

A Church in Every Home and A Dogma in Every Backyard!

More at:

www.myhousemychurch.org

www.osomin.com

[dbonds]

1. Because sometimes things are so crazy you just don't know...

This is satire isn't it?

[MineralMan]

2. Satire is always in the eye of the reader.

Sometimes, however, you may find clues in the body of the post.

[asjr]

3. Ima Blessing was my first clue.

[MineralMan]

4. Don't forget to pick up after your dogma.

[asjr]

5. That was my second clue.

[Igel]

10. Not always a good one.

I really thought that the Ima Hogg Scholarships in Mental Health were a joke at first. http://www.hogg.utexas.edu/funding_imascholar.html

Then I heard about the Ima Hogg Young Artist Competition, mostly by listening to a broadcast of the winning performances, and decided to Google it. http://www.houstonsymphony.org/education/competitions.aspx

Talk about an unfortunate choice of given name.

[MineralMan]

14. Indeed. I see you have chosen a hedgehog as your

totem animal. Good choice.

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ELzM_S573r8/Sk8H-HXh7PI/AAAAAAAAMCI/xHBb_v6t9yc/s400/junger+igel+004.jpg

[MineralMan]

6. It's fun to watch the recommendations go from +1 to 0

and back again. Apparently not everyone finds this amusing...

[Jokerman]

15. I gave it rec #5

But it only lasted a few minutes on the greatest page before it went back down to 4.

[niyad]

7. k and r--did my bit

[MineralMan]

9. Many thanks. Tusen Tak.

[havocmom]

8. Knew it was trouble when Bible Colleges started cranking out lawstudents

Meanwhile, prepare the path of light and profit for YOUR house ;)

http://www.themonastery.org/

If other spiritual groups follow suit and play their game, the xian$ will be screaming for an end to tax exemptions for other groups and setting themselves up for the beginning of the end they didn't plan on :evilgrin:

[Manifestor_of_Light]

11. I think I'll start a UU fellowship at my house.

:D

[DeSwiss]

12. The analogy describing The Church as being "much like amoebae...."

...is quite an apt comparison. Not only are they both relentless and stealthy organisms, but they both have an all-encompassing and smothering hug of death that they use to conquer their prey. They both will consume anything and everything that is biodegradable and which unfortunately finds itself in its path. It's like mold and mildew: the only thing that will kill it for certain -- is the bright bleaching light of day.

Likewise, another term that is used to describe amoebas is that of a http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W6rnhiMxtKU&feature=related">parasitic protozoan. And while there are many strains of amoeba, the one that http://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=89869">gets into your brain, is a killer. And should be avoided at all costs.

- So people should stay out of hot waters of lakes, hot springs, and poorly maintained pools in Southern or Southwestern states. And I also personally recommend they stay out of all http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z8g1YFlBX1Y">churches, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oicKIC8UUFc">mosques, http://www.itnsource.com/shotlist/RTV/2009/07/05/RTV1246409/">synagogues or any other type of religious edifice or from being around people who are displaying http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Gs2kFRy5xU">some of the more obvious symptoms of the religiously infected -- and which is where most other lethal strains of brain parasites are known to lurk to search out its unsuspecting victims.




K&R

on edit: spelling

[MineralMan]

13. Love the photo!

First Reformed Church -- But not the Last.

And they've defined the God's love thing brilliantly. "God loves you, and you'd better love him, or he'll kill you!