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I home you guys have a happy holiday and safe new year and I hope you enjoy this little jewel I wrote:
Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the day
Not a criminal was stirring, not even DeLay;
The indictments were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that Ronnie Earle soon would be there;
The republicans were shivering hidden in their beds,
With visions of dropping the soap, stumbling in their heads;
And Dick in his office, and I in my bunk,
Had just settled down for another “slam dunk”,
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
Spying on Americans? So what’s the matter?
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and hid all my cash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to my stash of blow,
When, what to my lying eyes should appear,
But a miniature camera, and eight tiny ears,
With a loss of privacy, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be that prick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
"Now, Kerry! now,
Clinton! now Boxer and Biden!
On, Obama! on Pelosi! on, Kucinch its time for riding!
In the top of the ceiling! Inside of the wall!
Civil rights away? Wiretaps for all?
Before attempts to point blame began to fly,
They met with an obstacle, a constitutional cry,
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With threats of 911, and terrorist too.
Choking on a pretzel, I heard on the roof
Spying on Americans without the burden of proof.
As I threw up in my hand, with no legal ground,
Down the chimney came Ronnie Earle, court order abound.
He was dressed in the constitution, from his head to his foot,
And told me to sit down and stay my ass put;
A bundle of indictments he had flung on his back,
Going after them all, the whole lying pack.
The Democrats eyes – oh how they twinkled! Their dimples how merry!
Earles facts smelled like roses, oh the weight it would carry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
His “you have the right to remain silent” was ready to go
His breath he held tight, behind his teeth,
And the smoke from his ears was like a burning wreath;
He had a mad face and a fire in his belly,
That lit and shook, when he offered the KY jelly.
He wasn’t chubby and plump, like a jolly old elf,
And I choked when I saw him, and wet myself;
A wink of his eye and a wrenching of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had everything to dread;
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And completed the indictments; then turned to the jerk,
And shooting his finger like I once did,
While giving a nod, up the chimney he hid;
He sprang to his sleigh, and to his team gave a thunk,
And away they all flew while I blew chunks.
But I heard him exclaim, as he hit the trail,
"Merry Christmas with your pretzel stale, for next year you’re going to jail."
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