Things Kerry might have pulled from his pocket to make Bush lose

[DrBB]

I'm trying to think what Kerry could have had in his pockets that could have forced Bush to make idiotic chimp faces, ask for extra time and then stand their with his mouth open, keep offending the nation's deer with his lame impression of how they look in the headlights, and utter ludicrously feckless comebacks like "You fergot Poland!"

One of my favorites answers, from a guy monikered Yoshimi over at Atrois's HaloScan:

1. A can of whoop-ass.

Whadda you got?

[DebJ]

1. The Truth, for a Change.

[rfranklin]

2. A banana...

Chimps go wild for bananas!

[Guaranteed]

38. LOL! nt

[elperromagico]

3. A triple-digit IQ. n/t

[Lexingtonian]

4. a remote control

Switched Bush's brain-implanted receiver to the Weather Channel.

[elperromagico]

5. "It's hard work in Iraq, where the temperature is currently a pleasant..."

n/t

[soggy]

34. OMG!, HI-Larious!

n/t

[VOX]

35. Ha! Outstanding, elperromagico!!!!

Thanks -- :toast:

[Princess Turandot]

6. a Voodoo doll

imported from Haiti, where * has shown a lot of compassionate conservatism.

[kcwayne]

7. Garlic

[Sputnik]

8. A photo of Mr. Ed?

[jdonaldball]

9. Tinkerbell

that's what Bush was staring at in bewilderment. Tinkerbell flying in front of his eyes.

[childslibrarian]

10. Bush's prep school report card

with a d minus in "communication skills"

[kestrel91316]

11. Ahemmmm...........................

that would be "Atrios Blogspot" aka Eschaton. Haloscan is the tool his website uses for posting comments.

[DrBB]

22. No duh

I suppose I should have linked to that HaloScan comment feature, but it's designed to open in a pop up. I assumed most of us were astute enough to know what I was talking about.

[Hubert Flottz]

12. WMD?

The ones Bush has been looking for in his office?

[Roland99]

13. Pic of the item

[DIKB]

14. A Pretzel

I would love to see chimp-boy's reaction to that.

[karlrschneider]

15. A ten inch penis.

:evilgrin:

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

16. A picture of his father that he waved at Bush every time he went to form

a sentence...that was mean, John...real mean.

[skygazer]

17. *'s dried up, atrophied brain

that Kerry found on the floor at Yale.

[Bongo Prophet]

18. A magic pen that writes truth.

Like garlic to vampires.
Bush responded by pulling stuff outa his ASS for 90 minutes.

[karlrschneider]

19. A coke spoon cleverly disguised as a Bic pen.

:D

[Dogmudgeon]

20. A cup of cold gravy with a hair in it

--bkl
Hey, hey, we're the Democrats!

[Ravenseye]

21. Pixie Dust

[theHandpuppet]

23. Dick Cheney's garters....

... the stylish ones to match Condi's whip.

[TrustingDog]

24. a packet of TANG orange crystals

[dansolo]

25. It's obvious

He pulled out the almighty Clenis!

[Hubert Flottz]

26. A sympathy card!

"Sorry you are braindead you wimp!"

[Clinton Crusader]

27. The Presidential Oath

:kick:

[name not needed]

28. A pretzel

[mahina]

29. a pair of HANDCUFFS

whoops, didn't mean to shout...

[snippy]

30. Probably a bright shiny object which he then showed to Bush.

Maybe a brand new penny or a piece of tinfoil. Something like that would distract Bush and ordinarily entertain him for hours. Rove and Cheney probably give him a similar reward when he performs as instructed. Bush's frustration at the debate may have been due to the fact he was not given the bright shiny object even though he performed the conditioned response. This seems like the most likely explanation.

[baltodemvet]

31. A Jack Daniels miniature

[Dob Bole]

32. Freedom Fries!!! And a bottle of Heinz Ketchup!!!

[undercover_brother]

33. gummy bears

.

[VOX]

36. A frog, a penknife, a Duncan Imperial yo-yo, a '52 Topps Eddie Stanky card

...a stick of Beeman's, and, the "secret weapon" to use against * -- a little plastic gizmo, in which (if held up to the light just right while you peer into it) you can see a picture of a naked woman -- but the "joke" is that the rubber ring on the eyepiece gives you a black eye while you're trying to look! Hours of hilarious fun!

:evilgrin:

[Guaranteed]

37. ROFL!!!

How about a used cigarette butt, a chihuahua, one of those little pine tree air fresheners, a piece of lint, a receipt for a donut he bought at Krispy Kreme, one of those click-clacker dealy-bobs, or a Vote Bush/Cheney in '04 button.

[Maestro]

39. The Facts

[Carni]

40. Saddam's weapons of mass destruction

Scott Ritter must have smuggled them out when no one was looking...

[carpetbagger]

41. Indictments.

He's an ex-prosecutor, I'm sure he's got some federal friends.

[mitchum]

42. A handful of peanuts or a shiny coin

[Bucky]

43. A radio jammer for Bush's ear piece

[milkyway]

44. A Game Boy.

[gauguin57]

45. raindrops on roses ...

and whiskers on kittens, bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens ...

[TheWebHead]

46. the secret note...

and he didn't even use it:

[SheWhoMustBeObeyed]

47. This:

Bush saw it and couldn't stop thinking about playing with it.