Bush Joke II ....for late nite DUers

[feistydem]

Sorry in advance if you've heard this one. It made me laugh!

On Election Night 2004 the returns showed Kerry 50%, Bush 50%. To avoid another Supreme Court case, it was decided that there should be an ice fishing contest between the two candidates to determine the final winner. The candidate that caught the most fish at the end
of the week would win. After a lot of back and forth discussion, it was decided that the contest would take place on a remote and cold lake in Wisconsin. There were to be no observers present, and both men were to be sent out separately on this remote lake and return daily with their catch for counting and verification.

At the end of the first day, Kerry returns to the starting line and he has 10 fish. Soon, W. returns and has zero fish. Well, everyone assumes he is just having another bad day or something and hopefully, he will catch up the next day.

At the end of the 2nd day Kerry comes in with 20 fish and W. comes in again with none.

That evening, Dick Cheney gets together secretly with W. and says, "I think Kerry is a lowlife cheatin' son-of-a-gun. I want you to go out tomorrow and don't even bother with fishing. Just spy on him and see if he is cheating in any way."

The next night (after Kerry comes back with 50 fish), Cheney says to Bush, "Well, what about it, is Kerry cheatin'?"

"He sure is, Dick, he's cutting holes in the ice."


Got any others?

[RevCheesehead]

1. Do you know why * holds his rallys indoors?

Because even God doesn't want to watch. O8) :evilgrin:

[cheshire]

2. I thought he was afraid of lightning everytime he lied.

[blondeatlast]

16. That is the funniest thing I've heard in a long time!

On my e-mail NOW!

[goclark]

3. Here's a good one!

George Bush, taking a stroll with a senior member of Congress meets a little girl carrying a small basket with a blanket over it. Curious, he says to the girl; "What's in the basket?".

She replies; "New baby kittens" and opens the basket to show him."How nice"
said Bush. " What kind are they?".
The little girl says, "Republicans."Bush smiles, pats the little girl on the head and continues on.

Three weeks later again taking a stroll with another Congressman, he sees the little girl again with the same basket.Bush says ; "Watch this, it's very cute". They approach the little girl. Bush asks how the kittens are and she says fine. He then says, "What kind of kittens are they?" and she replies,"Democrats." Somewhat abashed, Bush says, "Three weeks ago you said they were Republicans!" "I know," she says." But now their eyes are open".

[TheDonkey]

5. hahaha

[feistydem]

7. Haven't read that one... it's about to be e-mailed to my 'list'. Thanks!

[Clinton Crusader]

12. ha ha ha - good one!!!!

:kick:

[joefree1]

4. Yellow snow

It was January and a lovely snow fell on the White House lawn. So Dubya decided to go for a stroll in the snow.

He didnt get ten steps out the door before he saw it: Huge, bright yellow, cursive letters in the snow that spelled out, "DUBYA IS AN ASSHOLE!"

Somebody had written it in piss in the snow. George was furious!! He sent for George Tenet, Robert Mueller, and Condi Rice. He told them they had better find out whose urine that was or there would be heads rolling all over Washington.

So the FBI, the CIA, and whoever the hell Condi has working for her get busy in a hurry. Within two hours the analysis is done. They have their man.

"Mr. President," said Tenet, "it is Karl Rove's urine."

"The Bureau concurs, sir," said Mueller.

"Oh my god!" says Bush. "I've got to tell Cheney right away!"

"I wouldn't do that, Mr. President," said Condoleezza Rice.

"And why not?" Bush asked incredulously.

Rice answered, "Because it was his handwriting."

[stevebreeze]

6. To show our solidarity as Americans,

There are less than three months until the election, an election that will decide the next President of the United States. The man elected
will be the president of all Americans, not just the Democrats or the Republicans.




let's all get together and show each other our support for the candidate of our choice. It's time that
we all came together, Democrats and Republicans alike.




If you support the policies and character of John Kerry, please drive with your headlights on during the day.




If you support President George W. Bush, please drive with your headlights off at night.

[WinterStorm]

8. I have a funny picture

[WinterStorm]

9. I have another picture

[goclark]

10. ROTFL

[WinterStorm]

11. Baby beer bottles

They learn early in the Bush Clan.

[Clinton Crusader]

13. Parachutes

An aircraft is about to crash. There are five passengers on board,
but unfortunately only 4 parachutes.


The first passenger says "I'm Shaquille O'Neill, the best NBA basketball player. The Lakers need me, it would be unfair to them if I died". So he takes the first parachute and jumps.

The second passenger, Hillary Clinton, says, "I am the wife of the former President of the United States. I am also the most dedicated woman in the world, a Senator in New York and America's potential future President. She takes one of the parachutes and jumps.

The third passenger, George W. Bush, says, " I am the President of the United States of America. I have a huge responsibility in world politics. And apart from that, I am the most intelligent President in the history of the country and I have a responsibility to my people not to die". So he takes a parachute and jumps.

The fourth passenger, the Pope, says to the fifth passenger, a ten year old schoolboy "I am already old. I have already lived my life, as a good person and a priest I will give you the last parachute".
The boy replies "No problem, there is also a parachute for you. America's most intelligent President has taken my schoolbag..."

:kick:

[Clinton Crusader]

14. One more

Pentagon officials now believe they have been unable to locate Bin
Laden because he has found in a place to hide out where

(1) it is easy to get in if you have the money;
(2) no one will recognize or remember you;
(3) no one will realize that you have disappeared;
(4) no one keeps any records of your comings and goings; and
(5) you have no obligations or responsibilities.












The analysts are still puzzled, however, as to how Bin Laden found
out about the Texas Air National Guard in the first place.
:kick:

[blondeatlast]

17. ROFL! Love it! nt

[tapper]

15. Lovely all!

:)

Just what I needed to make a lousy day less lousy.

Thanks!