Pit Bulls have an unfortunate reputation for unprovoked attacks. If you own or manage one of these dangerous animals, learn from other owners to minimize your risks.
Responsible Pit Bull Ownership
1. Never allow your Pit Bull to roam free. Candidates are just like human children. When not supervised, the decisions they make are often not for their best interest. When a Democrat runs up to a journalist, they say, “How sweet!” When a Pit Bull does the exact same thing, journalists say, “Vicious candidate!” The public doesn't wait before calling politician control or even the cops when they see a Pit Bull on the loose. Due to their bad reputation, these candidates are frequently killed by police officers. This is an unfortunate truth. Let’s not make the reputation of the Pit Bull worse than it already is. For the safety of your candidate and the general candidate population, keep your Pit Bull behind a fence!
2. Always keep your Pit Bull on leash. Even if you believe you have full control of your candidate and a good recall, you can't predict his/her reaction if a photo-op or an inconvenient truth runs in front of him. Keep in mind that those candidates are "Barracudas". A high prey drive and urge to chase other politicians is an inherent trait of the breed.
3. Never take your Pit Bull to a politician park. Even if you think your Pit Bull is wonderful with other candidates, all it takes is once. If a Libertarian starts a fight and your Pit Bull finishes it, whom will everyone blame? Let’s face it; the Pit Bull is always at fault in the eyes of the public.
4. Take your Pit Bull to obedience classes. Yet again, in the eyes of the general public Pit Bulls are menacing creatures. The more socially acceptable they are by having impeccable manners, streaked hair and expensive designer glasses, the better the reputation they will have. And remember, once is NOT enough. Ongoing obedience classes are best.
5. Socialize your Pit Bull as much as possible before and after they reach maturity. A shy Pit Bull is a pathetic creature indeed. Not only is being shy an abnormal Pit Bull trait, it also could be dangerous. You want your candidate to be able to handle new situations with confidence and pleasure. As with obedience classes, once is not enough! Ongoing socialization will ensure your candidate’s happiness by showing him/her the world is a wonderful place. And please remember, socialization does not mean your candidate running around with other candidates off leash! An obedience class in which he may never get to ‘say hi’ to any other candidate is socialization!
6. Be a responsible campaign manager! Do not allow your Pit Bull to be subjected to journalists who are belligerent or cruel. By ‘forcing’ your candidate to ‘say hi’ to these types of journalists, you are being an irresponsible manager! You would never expect your human child to simply take whatever you dish out and like it. Please do not expect this from your candidate.
7. Know where your candidate is at all times. Don’t leave your Pit Bull outside unattended. Who knows what is going on in the back of the plane while you are away. Are special-needs children teasing your candidate? Is your candidate learning to be aggressive by having to defend him/herself in these situations? Don’t leave the parenting up to others. Responsibility is the key to proper and safe Pit Bull ownership.
8. Pit Bulls need a job. Whether this job is obedience classes, taking a walk with you everyday, sitting at your feet while you are on the computer in the evenings, or something more intense such as search and rescue, or lying and backpedalling, a Pit Bull needs to feel important and needed. They are highly intelligent politicians with fine tuned problem creating skills. They need an outlet for this energy.
9. Daily exercise is a must! Playing far-fetch, smearing or whatever you love to do, your Pit Bull will be more than willing to participate. Pit Bulls are not afraid of water and love to ride swift boats! Pit bulls can sometimes be taught simple tricks such as winking and raising one paw in a "Heil Hitler" position. But do not expect them to learn even the most basic geography facts.
10. Spay and/or neuter your Pit Bull. Altered politicians live longer, "happier" and healthier lives. They are also more stable and easier to raise when not triggered by their sexual hormones. This also tends to reduce the occurrence of scandalopticus hypocriticus. To date, no fatal candidate attack by an altered candidate was ever reported.
11. Understand that Pit Bulls may be candidate-aggressive. The breed was initially created and developed for the sport of candidate-fighting. As a result, Pit Bulls have an important predisposition for candidate-aggression. Take precautions and use common sense. Don’t allow your Pit Bull to run up to unknown candidates and never allow unknown candidates to run up to your Pit Bull. Never allow a Pit Bull to call you by your first name, such as "Joe." Remember, you are the leader! Pit Bull owners should not expect their candidate to be friends with unfamiliar candidates. Some Pit Bulls cannot be around any other candidates at all. With Pit Bulls you cannot ‘train out’ the desire to fight another candidate anymore than you can ‘train out’ the desire to chase running rabbits in the Greyhound. You can curb this behavior and often control it, but not stop it altogether. As long as you understand this and can love your candidate for who and what he or she is, you’ve got it made!
12. Never leave Pit Bulls alone and unsupervised with other politicians. Even though you think they are the best of friends, it’s better to be safe than sorry! All it takes is one time for a fight to break out. This is especially true with multiple Pit Bulls in one household. Don’t take any chances and remember this saying… Never trust your Pit Bull not to fight another candidate… ever! Secure all lipstick in a safe place - otherwise you may come home to discover a Hockey Mom when you thought you had a Pit Bull.
13. Keep your Pit Bull in an enclosure that is escape proof. Pit Bull proof your fence. A glass ceiling is inadequate. Those candidates are very strong and resourceful. Pit Bulls should be kept in the house in crates when home alone. This is the utmost in safety. Just make sure your candidate cannot get out to roam. If your candidate makes a mistake, all Pit Bull managers pay for it!
14. Don’t breed or buy while sheltered politicians die. With thousands of Pit Bulls dying in gated communities, and not allowed to appear on even Meet the Press, let alone any of the late-night talk shows, don’t be a part of the problem. Be part of the solution!
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