The Last Ever Democratic Debate

[texshelters]

The Last Ever Democratic Debate

Fade up to two podiums on stage in a large auditorium. One Podium has Senator Clinton staring blankly; the other contains Senator Obama compulsively flipping through his notebook. Wolfe Blitzer is standing to the side holding papers that contain his questions and notes.

Announcer: Welcome to the last ever Democratic debate from Baltimore, Maryland sponsored by Extreme Strength Scourgeaway, for those extreme strength headaches. Here’s your moderator, Wolfe Blitz…

Hillary Clinton: Before we start, I would like to say that I have thirty-five years of experience…

Blitzer: Thank you Senator Clinton. Since you started, let’s address the first question to Senator Obama.

HRC: (Under her breath) Again with the first question…

WB: Senator Obama. Reverend Wright doesn’t like the way Whites have treated Blacks in this country. Complaining about White racism is racist, as we all know. As a Black President, will you complain about past racism like Reverend Wright?

BO: Well Wolfe, I have never complained about White racism in the past, and I don’t plan to start once I become President. I plan to be President of all the American people, except Reverend Wright who I disagree with on this racism issue.

WB: Senator Clinton, as a lifetime advocate for women, how do you address the apparent racism by some in your campaign, for example, Geraldine Ferraro? Will you refute what she said?

HRC: Well Wolfe, I have thirty-five years of experience, so I don’t have to address that. I will be ready on day one…

BO: (Pulling out a big foam hand with pointing finger and pointing at Clinton): She voted for war, she voted for war, nah nah nad nah nah…

WB: Well Senator Clinton, you said you would end the war. How do you plan to get out troops out of Iraq?

HRC: Well Wolfe, I will bring them home by leaving 40,000 troops there to create stability while we bring the troops home…

BO: I agree with Senator Clinton on this one; the only way to get out of Iraq is stay in.

WB: (looking puzzled) Okay. Senator Obama, how do you plan on reviving the economy?

BO: Change—change and hope. We need to invest in the American people. I’ve started this process by giving the American people hope.

WB: Senator Clinton, same question to you.

HRC: You can’t change things with pretty speeches. Since Senator Obama is a good speaker, talking well shouldn’t even be criteria for being President. I’m older than Senator Obama, so that is the criteria the American people should vote on. I’m an older woman, vote for me! On the question of the economy, I promise to do more of the same and it will raise all boats.

WB: Senator Obama…

BO: You’ve got to have hope to change, and will to power! And I’ve already filled out my 2008 tax returns. (Turning to challenge Clinton) Have you Senator Clinton?

HRC: It’s not even 2009 Barack…

WB: Senator Obama—your campaign has been accused of sending advisors to Canada to talk about NAFTA. Do you think it’s wise to talk to a major trading partner about trade?

BO: (pointing the foam finger at HRC) It’s better than authorizing war against them…

HRC: You can’t fake readiness by making pretty speeches. I’ve been trading jobs for votes and campaign cash for thirty-five years now…

WB: Let’s talk about health care. Senator Obama, how is your health care plan different from Senator Clinton’s?

BO: First off, I talk about change. I also won’t arrest single mothers and put them in debtor’s prison for not buying health care…

HRC: (cutting in) At least they’ll have health care in prison. Look Wolfe, as the candidate who is the largest recipient of health industry contributions, I have the experience to deal with this issue.

WB: Senator Clinton, how would you deal with education…?

HRC: Wolfe, you didn’t tell us you would address education…

BO: (indignant) You didn’t Wolfe. (looking in his notebook) It’s not in my notebook…

WB: Nevertheless…

HRC and BO: Wolfe!

WB: Okay, moving on. Senator Clinton, believe me when I say it, immigration is the most enormous gargantuan problem for us. How will you address this as President?

HRC: I have thirty-five years of experience dealing with immigration because I’ve visited eighty countries. Moreover, I cede this point to John McCain, I agree with him. He’s much more qualified than Senator Obama to be President.

WB: How do you respond to these accusations Senator Obama?

BO: Do I have to respond?

Announcer: (cutting in) The polls have closed on the West Coast and CNN has just called the Presidency of the United States for John McCain. We project McCain as the winner in Florida, Michigan, Ohio, New York, Arizona…

HRC: Noooo! My precious, my precious!!

Announcer: and California, Oregon, Maine, New Jersey…

(Fade Out)

Tex Shelters
myspace.com/texshelters

[Metric System]

1. Wait, they're having a debate on election day? Huh?

[texshelters]

2. And while they are debating

McCain wins. Get it?

It's joke pointing out the incessant arguing over BS.

Tex Shelters