The great Faun Otter submits a Kerry apology speech.

[blm]

"Ladies and gentlemen, I stand before you today a humble candidate for office and find myself needing to offer you an apology for the tone of this electoral campaign. So I will say it - I am truly sorry.

I am truly sorry that the Republicans have lowered their campaign into the gutter with their fake firemen and body parts of the people Bush betrayed through his failures to protect us on September eleven 2001.

I am truly sorry that the Reuplicans are liars who misled our nation with their mendacity on so many issues; Iraq, energy company gouging of consumers, tax cuts for billionaires, the ongoing Bush recession, their efforts to leave every child behind unless they had a trust fund, their exposure of US agents for political revenge, their pillaging of our social security to pay off their rich lobbyists, stonewalling the 9/11 commission, and their lack of any coherent policy to create jobs in America.

I also must offer my apologies for using the word crooked. It means bent or criminal. Some have pointed out that George Bush only has about four convictions and was never charged in connection with his going absent without leave from his military responsibility. Others have noted that Cheney should not be taken as indicative of all Republicans even if his picking of the public pocket through the Halliburton mob is getting ridiculous. Furthermore, the idea that the vote stealers of Diebold should be taken as representative of the entire Republican party would paint the GOP as a crime family and I must withold my judgement regarding that until the congressional commission on vote crimes has reported.

Excuse me, I have just been handed a note. Apparently the Republican party have opposed any studies of the vote crimes. I therefore withdraw my apology on that aspect of their criminal behaviour.

In a show of bipartisanship, I hereby offer to apologise to any Republicans who are not crooks or liars and I will do so personally when and if I ever meet any."

Faun
Who works for Ghegis, Attila and Adolf LLC as the tea room attendant and can vouch for the fact there are no honest Republicans here in the Cayman islands post office box we call our "world headquarters.".


My note: You may recall another Faun Otter essay that became an internet hit - I Am a Good American.
  

[AndyP]

1. Fake firemen?

What's up with fake firemen?

[blm]

2. Bush's ad used actors dressed as fire fighters.

.

[displacedtexan]

5. They said actors were "cheaper and faster."

Sad.

[HawkerHurricane]

7. Cheaper and Faster, indeed...

Actors, by definition, pretend to be something they are not for a paycheck. Show a starving actor a paycheck, he'll pretend to be anyone.

Now, a fireman... he's dedicated to saving lives. And he'd like to be paid regularly, so he can go out and save lives without starving.

So, it's much easier to get an actor to pretend to like Bush than a fireman... The actor just wants a paycheck, and the fireman wants to save lives, don't you see...

[blm]

11. They never cease to make me angry with their

ploys and utter disdain for the truth.

[readmylips]

6. And fed a plastic turkey to our troops....

and used a plastic cup to enhance his guevos under his fake jet flying stunt.

[AndyP]

15. no way!!

I didn't know that. How can anyone defend these ads. makes me wanna :puke:

[grannylib]

3. This is awesome...love it!

[rocktivity]

4. Kerry has nothing to apologize for

He didn't single out anyone in particular, and he didn't condemn all Republicans in general--just "a group" of them. If he's lying, they should either prove they're NOT crooks and liars, or SHUT UP AND SUCK IT IN!!!

:headbang:
rocknation

[blm]

8. heheh, the Repubs should demand hearings to prove their integrity

to the American people.

"We are not crooks and liars and demand proof from anyone who claims we are."

Let's see how that turns out, shall we?

[WilliamPitt]

9. Faun Otter was the seedcorn for BBV

:toast:

[blm]

10. His work on that was terrific.

I remember early on at one point in 2002 he told me he already had 400 pages of notes and analysis on the voting inconsistencies.

He's a great writer, too. And FUNNY.

[blm]

14. Just thought of somrthing, Will.

Why not have Faun Otter submit a piece or two to truthout?

I know he's a busy guy, but, he knocks out a piece like the one above in a matter of minutes - he's really THAT sharp.

[robbedvoter]

12. Faun Otter Rules! The best part: It's a GOP style apology - Trent Lott

and others offered: "I am sorry if you are all idiots and misunderstood me"
They never admit their own mistakes.
And Faun Otter brilliantly turns the tables.
I hope someone here with access to Kerry makes sure he sees it. There is a great strategy here!

[blm]

13. Heh...

that would be PeteNYC.

I do hope he shows the campaign.