Weekend at Ronnie's

[Hugabear]

In an attempt to soothe over conservative voters, McCain's campaign has come up with a unique strategy. Within the next few weeks, they plan to dig up the remains of the Patron Saint of Conservatism, St. Ronnie Reagan. Reports are that they plan to tour around the country, displaying Reagan's corpse at every campaign stop, as well as bringing the corpse along with McCain as he appears on various talk shows.

As if this plan were not bizarre enough, the McCain campaign has decided to take this one step further. Spokesman and longtime Congressional friend Joseph Lieberman had this to say: "Through the miracle of modern technology, we believe that we'll be able to give our beloved patron saint the power of speech and movement. We've recorded every single speech that Reagan made, and we also have his wonderful film repertoire to draw from. We've been able to put together quite a comprehensive vocabulary for Mr. Reagan. We've also placed microscopic motors throughout his body, which will give him limited movement. Obviously, he's not going to be as agile as he was in his youth, but we believe that he'll be able to come across somewhat life-like. We've got some of the best special effects people working on him."

Reports are that if this plan goes well, that they will have Reagan give the keynote speech at the GOP convention this summer. "It's a shame that he's already served two terms, and therefore can't accept the nomination," Lieberman said wistfully. "Of course, the Constitution doesn't say anything about a corpse running for President, does it?"

[Hugabear]

1. Dammit, upstaged by Romney

Figures, I'd do this right as the Mittenfuhrer was dropping out of the race.