Bill Clinton: 'Screw It, I'm Running For President'

[Barack_America]

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/bill_clinton_screw_it_im_running
(please note that this is an onion article)

Bill Clinton: 'Screw It, I'm Running For President'

CHARLESTON, SC—After spending two months accompanying his wife, Hillary, on the campaign trail, former president Bill Clinton announced Monday that he is joining the 2008 presidential race, saying he "could no longer resist the urge."

"My fellow Americans, I am sick and tired of not being president," said Clinton, introducing his wife at a "Hillary '08" rally. "For seven agonizing years, I have sat idly by as others experienced the joys of campaigning, debating, and interacting with the people of this great nation, and I simply cannot take it anymore. I have to be president again. I have to."

"Damn, this feels good," Clinton told supporters as he shook hands in Charleston Monday.

He continued, "It is with a great sense of relief that I say to all of you today, 'Screw it. I'm in.'"

In a show of respect, Clinton then completed his introduction of Hillary Clinton, calling her a "wonderful wife and worthy political adversary," and warmly shook her hand as she approached the podium. A clearly shocked Mrs. Clinton got halfway through her speech about the nation's obligation to its children before walking briskly offstage.

A spokesman for Sen. Clinton's campaign had no comment.

"No longer will I have to endure watching candidates like Hillary Clinton engaging in single-pump handshakes with voters, as I use every last ounce of restraint not to shout out, 'No! Warm double-clasp! Warm double-clasp!'" Clinton said. "America deserves someone who can do it right."

While the announcement has come as a surprise to many, Beltway observers said it was not completely unexpected, citing footage from a recent Democratic debate that showed Clinton fidgeting in his seat, gripping the arms of his chair, and repeatedly glancing at all the television cameras while rapidly tapping his right foot. Analysts also noted one debate in which Clinton mouthed responses to all the moderator's questions while making hand gestures to himself.

More:
http://www.theonion.com/content/news/bill_clinton_screw_it_im_running

[zanne]

1. Watch out, kristi!

Even satire is getting flamed around here!

[joeybee12]

2. Someone posted this the other day...

...it's still funny, though.

[rodeodance]

4. yes, funny but real old--it has been posted and posted and posted.......

[rodeodance]

3. How many times will this Onion story be posted? Be creative please and find

something new--this one is getting old fast.

[Barack_America]

5. Sorry, it didn't come up when I searched for it.

My apologies.

It's still funny though.

[ShaneGR]

6. lol@ 550 million fundraising in 2 days, Edwards says, "I'm not worthy."

My favorite part:

Since his announcement two days ago, Clinton has raised a staggering $550 million. He has also surged in national polls, rising from a mere 2 percent prior to his candidacy to a commanding 94 percent, ahead of former front-runners Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton, who are now tied with 3 percent each. John Edwards withdrew from the race Tuesday, saying only, "I am not worthy."