Elizabeth Edwards evokes one word in me ........

[Stinky The Clown]

"Selfless"

[youngdem]

1. Class. (or Grace)

[Inspired]

2. Grace is a good word. n/t

[lldu]

3. what?

It really hurts when a celebrity is pointed out to be Courageous or Selfless or anything when they have a disease. My wife died this year as a result of cancer. She was just as selfless, just as courageous as anyone else. "You take one day at a time", she would tell me.
She had the courage to go in surgery knowing that she may never wake up, which is exactly what happened. But she went ahead and had the surgery. Why doesn't some tv announcer talk about my wife?

She went to her dr and told him he had to cut her leg off below the knee when it was evident that the bottom of her leg was badly infected and it was advancing up her leg. She went to him and said, "Cut it off right here!", pointing to just below the knee. Within 3 days she had the surgery to do just that.

She had a dodge Ram truck at this time, did it stop her because she had only one leg? No, she used crutches and would go to that truck, open the door, throw in those crutches and then pull her self up into the truck. BTW, she was only 5 feet tall. And it really pissed her off when someone took pity on her. And she would tell them so.

She was quite a woman, but she lost her battle this last April, knowing that she might not even wake up from the surgery. That is COURAGE! I had to tell her goodbye while she lay there after the ventilator had already been turned off, tubes in her body and in her mouth. She knew it could come to this, but she did it anyway.

So, just because some celebrity has a problem, don't give them credit as if they were the only people who could be so courageous. Think of all the people who do this every day and don't get the recognition. Who don't care about recognition. Who just take it "One day at a time".

lldu

[Trajan]

4. Celebrity ...

A celebrity is human first .... I understand the pain of your own experiences, but by the same token, perhaps you can admit Elizabeth Edwards is just as human as your wife is, and cannot control who speaks of her in the media ....

It seems beyond reason to deny Mrs Edwards her 'courage' because she is well known ...

I am sorry about your loss ....

[Hav]

6. .

I'm very sorry for what happened to your wife but no one made any statements close to the things you suggested.
People that are famous are in the spotlight. Words like grace and selflessness describe Elizabeth Edwards pretty well. Btw, these description would have been fitting even without the things she's going through.

Your wife had courage but no conversation about a "celebrity" can take that away. And it doesn't mean that one can't be proud about how John and Elizabeth deal with this situation.
I think Elizabeth is a person that gave and still gives many people strength and new hope in similar fights. That's the good part of her getting coverage in the news.

[Booster]

7. You're wife sound like she was quiet a woman. But how do you

think your own wife would have reacted when twenty tv cameras were shoved in her face and just as many mikes with reporters asking the most inane questions you can imagine? I really don't think your wife would have liked that; I don't think anybody likes that. Personally, I would tell all of them to get theHell away from me, but Elizabeth somehow tolerates this and for that alone she should be praised. I'm sorry about your wife cause she sounds like someone I would have liked to have known.

[ripple]

10. Wow. It sounds like your wife was an amazing lady

I agree that there are everyday people who are every bit as courageous as those we often see spotlighted on our televisions and unfortunately, many of them don't get a passing glance.

Perhaps you might take heart in the fact that by bringing the painful reality of cancer to the public arena, many people dealing with the disease won't feel quite so alone in their struggle. Everybody's reality is different and nobody can truly walk in another's shoes. All we can do is be there for each other and hold our loved ones near and dear to our hearts, with the knowledge that we can't hold them forever.

I'm guessing that Elizabeth's involvement with the campaign will keep her feeling like she is about more than her cancer, which is probably not very different from what your wife felt when she insisted on driving and not letting her illness control her life. While your wife was obviously full of grace in her own way, so is Elizabeth. I can't imagine what it must be like to walk through life every day dealing with the horrible side effects of treatments, knowing that it still won't save your life. Yet so many people do it, anyway. For Elizabeth, she will not only have that, she will also have cameras at every turn and so-called journalists playing amateur physicians and attempting to judge her state of health, based solely on how she looks. Again, each person's journey is different.

I am deeply sorry for your loss and I understand why the outpouring of caring you're seeing for Elizabeth is probably painful for you. It certainly sounds like your wife was worthy of the same admiration, respect, and caring, even if she didn't necessarily want that.

:hug:

[DesertRat]

11. Your wife sounds like a wonderful woman

She was very brave and courageous. I'm very sorry for your loss. :hug:

[Manifestor_of_Light]

13. I agree.

I watched my big sister slowly become paralyzed and helpless as the result of an always fatal brain cancer.

A beautiful, healthy woman was reduced to a dead shell in 14 months in spite of the finest of medical care at the biggest cancer hospital in the world, M.D. Anderson. In fact, she worked at M.D. Anderson for many years and got her training there.

And she was barely 42 years old.

Watching that decline was hell. Hell happens on earth and I've seen it. Her death shattered my parents and it shattered me too.


the only thing that helped was going to Compassionate Friends. both the parent group and the sibling group.

[Berry Cool]

5. Personally, I think Elizabeth is courageous only because of being willing to help her husband

continue to pursue their shared dream while she deals with her illness.

I don't think people who cope with serious illness are "courageous" at all otherwise. All they are doing is what they have to do. If they don't fight, they are just giving up. There is no choice but to fight for life for as long as you can, doing whatever you have to do. It's a circumstance they got stuck with, and they're coping with it as best they can.

This is not to insult such people in any way. It's to say "Please don't put anyone on a pedestal just because they have a life-threatening illness. Do it for how they tough it out, and because they are suffering things most of us cannot even imagine being able to survive. And yes, most of them will never become famous for it."

Courage is what you do when you have a choice of avoiding a difficult situation altogether, but you walk into it anyway and take it on. That's what Elizabeth is doing in continuing her commitment to John's campaign.

[LittleClarkie]

8. I was thinking today that it feels like she's a friend of the family

that seems sorta sappy in a way. It's not like I really know her. But as I got more and more of her prognosis yesterday, and none of it sounded good, I just felt like crying. I'm not normally like that when it's someone I don't know personally.

[laureloak]

9. I am a survivor of lung cancer and I'm grateful for Elizabeth

Edwards' openness about her struggle with cancer.

I have to shake my head over those that say John should quit and spend time with her. Six years ago I had a 15% chance of surviving 5 years. Everyone assumed I would quit work but I didn't want to sit around thinking about cancer for the remainder of my days. After having a lung removed and a bout of pericarditis, I returned to work and I've been getting stronger ever since.

If my husband had quit his job and stayed home with me for the last 6 years one of us would probably have died - but not from cancer, LOL!

[loyalsister]

12. concern

Some of us who are praised this way recognize that even when there may be a grain of truth behind it, it also operates as a stereotype that devalues people who are not perceived as "courageous."

I can understand why many people believe that she is an inspiration. I don't think she has had any reason to explore the stereotypes and those implications. But I am concerned to see this one appear because it has played a role in denying a significant population equality.

The results of FDR's "Splendid Deception" (book by Hugh Gallagher) for people with disabilities was that they should "overcome" what cannot be cured. And that they should do everything they possibly can to "keep up" with people who are not disabled.
This has not been good for people with disabilities who cannot achieve either of these unrealistic goals. It has devalued people.

I think that both Elizabeth and John Edwards offer positive contributions to the public debate. I hope that all goes well for them and that her choices help her in her oncoming battle.

I don't mean to sound critical. I am simply pointing out what has happened historically and what public perceptions people with illnesses and disabilities who live in poverty have been battling for decades.

I don't think it is unfair experience and show concern from a perspective of historical and social context.

[lldu]

14. Thanks, all

I really do appreciate all the input to my message. It made me realize that my point of view was not the only POV. I didn't see that she didn't ask for this response by the media, but that it was thrust upon her. You all are right that even she deserves some praise for continuing her fight and not just giving in to it.
And, Yes, her plight also makes people take notice and possibly motivates them to check to see if they might have cancer. That is a good side effect of her publicity. She may be saving lives by coming out the way she did.

Again, thanks for giving me your insight.

LLDU