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Back in the early days of Bush’s tenure in office, it wasn’t so surprising that he had his staunch supporters. At that point, the populace had yet to see how things were going to turn out.
People believed that those tax-cuts to the wealthy were eventually going to cause a fortune to trickle-down directly into their pockets, that Victory-over-Iraq Day would be celebrated in a matter of weeks, that the good Christian man installed in the Oval Office would bring about so much global peace and prosperity, he’d finally show a failure like Bill Clinton how good presidentin’ was done.
And I’ll give them credit. A lot of them hung in there long after the man’s best before date had expired, still convinced that we damned liberal Democrats would have to eat our words when the BushBaby turned out to be right about everything.
Of course, hindsight being 20/20 – and insanity being less contagious than the neocons had counted on – Bush has become the Big Cheese who, for all intents and purposes, now stands alone.
But there are still supporters out there – a dwindling lot, but there nonetheless – and you can’t help but wonder at the amount of BS these individuals are able to swallow on a regular basis.
If you are still a Bushite, you have to believe that things are going swimmingly in Iraq, and amid all of the violence and turmoil, he’s going to turn that magical corner any minute now, where he’ll be greeted by those still-elusive Iraqis armed with sweets and flowers. (Maybe they were just planning Total Victory as a surprise party, rather than sending out formal invitations from the get-go.)
You also have to believe that the War on Terror is a viable concept, and any day now there will be a headline in your local paper, “Last Terrorist in the World Found Dead”.
You have to believe that there is a vast conspiracy of lefty-leaning scientists – in cahoots with those weather channel people – who got together at a secret international conference and dreamed up global warming, just to be a thorn in the presidential side.
You have to believe that the national debt is just a number on a piece of paper somewhere, and it’s never going to have to be repaid – because the country’s economists were at that same wild, drunken weekend with the aforementioned scientists, determined to scare the citizenry with their fancy talk and a suspect slide-rule.
You have to believe that the occurrences at Abu Ghraib and Gitmo were the result of a few bad apples, because the good Christians in our administration would never condone torture – and passed a retroactive law saying they could torture just for the hell of it.
You have to believe that Dick Cheney is a kind-hearted, snuggly guy who holds American’s best interests close to his mechanically-operated heart, and that Condi Rice is the smartest woman in the world – just a tad forgetful about memos that babble on incoherently about Bin Laden being determined to strike in the United States.
You have to believe that losing our allies and being hated around the world is a sign that people like us – no, they really like us! And you have to believe that all of those party-poopers who say the country is less safe as a result of this administration’s policies are just a bunch of ne’er do wells, looking for their fifteen minutes of fame.
You have to believe that when Bush said we were going to invade Iraq because of WMDs that were never there – or to spread democracy that we never did, or to stabilize the Middle East which has instead been inflamed – it was because he was adapting to win as things changed on the ground, and not because he’s a lying’ SOB.
You also have to believe that he never said that he’d get Bin Laden dead or alive, or uttered the words ‘Stay the Course’, or insisted on a connection between Saddam and Bin Laden – because those things were never said – and if they were, he was just funnin’ with us and where did that legendary Yankee Doodle sense of humor go to?
In order to still be a Bush crusader, you also have to be a BIG believer in coincidence – like the coincidence of companies like Halliburton, and the rest of the Bush-related corporations, just happening to wind up with no-bid contracts that have netted them a fortune. (Come on, even the most outlandish coincidences happen all the time, people!)
If you’re a Falwell or Robertson type Christian, you really have to have that extra-strength Bushco faith in the concept that the Lord Works in Mysterious Ways. You have to believe that not only did the Big Guy himself anoint an Idiot as his spokesperson on earth, you have to believe he speaks to him on a regular basis. And who wouldn’t believe that Jesus, upon seeing the plight of his children in New Orleans, said unto the Dope-in-Charge: “Screw ‘em, my son. Goeth instead to the birthday celebrations of McCain and playeth the guitar in California.” (You gotta admit it just smacks of the Sermon on the Mount.)
As if the aforementioned wasn’t enough to swallow, you also have to believe that our returning vets are getting the best of care, and sending more troops into Iraq without sufficient equipment or weaponry is just the kind of ‘toughening up’ our soldiers are craving.
You have to believe that the liberal mainstream media is deliberately refusing to air all of those ‘good news stories’ out of Iraq – like that legendary Baghdad schoolhouse that gets a fresh coat of paint every day.
You have to hang on to the notion that the PNAC boys like Wolfowitz, Perle and Kristol, simply by virtue of the law of averages, will eventually predict something that turns out to be correct.
You have to believe that millions of Americans being plunged into poverty on Bush’s watch is a sign of progress, along with Britain pulling its troops out of Iraq being a sign of success. You have to believe that the growing unemployment is actually good for the economy, that raising the minimum wage will topple McDonalds and Wal-Mart, and that a man who talks about “putting food on your family” is an intellectual who reads Camus in his spare time.
You have to believe that the insurgency is in its last throes – and you just wish someone would tell the insurgency about that. You have to believe that if we pull out of Iraq, millions of crazed terrorists will book flights to Des Moines and Bismark and take over our malls in a dazzling display of hand-to-hand combat, having foiled all of the security at our airports that has allegedly been put in place.
You have to believe that signing statements are not a way to circumvent the law – the Constitution always provided for their use (it was just written in very, very, very tiny handwriting that no one had noticed before now.)
You have to believe that if American workers weren’t so God-damned lazy, they’d have the money to pay for their own unforeseen health emergencies without whining to the government about being bankrupted by a six-digit bill for the treatment of a hang-nail, and they’d have the resources to retire at age twenty-two when their jobs got outsourced to Mexico.
In short, you have to believe that the entire Bush presidency is just a success that hasn’t happened yet – and perhaps won’t even happen in your lifetime.
You also have to believe that pigs can fly.
Exactly what is it that allows the Bush supporters to still believe?
Well, it’s just a theory, but I think it’s a sound one. With all of the people who have abandoned the Idiot and have stopped drinking the mind-altering Kool-aid, there’s a lot more of it to go around.
So those who are left are now partaking of it in doses previously unseen – and they’d have to be in order to keep down the crap they obviously still swallow day after day.
My take is that we’re only weeks away from Laura and Barney being the last two creatures on earth willing to sip from the poisoned well – and I have my doubts about either of them doing so much longer without the encouragement of a gun being placed to their heads.
A caution to the remaining Bush supporters: Ask your mental health care physician if lethal doses of insanity-inducing liquids are right for you.
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