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I got some bad news for all you damn communist-latte-drinking-hippies that pollute the series of tubes that makes up these internets. I will not be serving in Iraq, which means that I will be able to stick around here and shoot down all your politically correct ideas. I am most certainly not politically correct, in fact no Republican is politically correct. We are politically wrong and proud of it.
Now I know you left wing radicals are going to whine about children getting blown to bits by our bombs, votes not being counted, people being tortured, people living without health insurance, sea levels rising from global warming, and a president who ignores the law. But you don't focus on the real issues that affect the lives of ordinary people. Issues such as gays marrying box turtles, the gay asexual sea creatures that are featured on Spongebob Squarepants, and Bill Clinton getting orally pleasured. You never know if us Republicans were not in power we could have a polygamous marriage between a box turtle a sponge and Bill Clinton, we are truly protecting the American family from moral decay and when the family is protected America is protected.
And speaking of protecting America, George Bush is doing a great job of protecting this nation from terrorists. Hell look at the guy he got hit by the biggest terrorist attack in American history, and it didn't even phase him. He just kept reading My Pet Goat, the terrorists were not going to scare him away.
After learning how to read about goats on that day however George Bush sent a strong message to the terrorists, "if you attack us we will find a country that has lots of oil and attack them even if they have no connection to you." You can just hear the terrorists tremble in their boots when they hear this type of decisive leadership.
But George Bush needs help in fighting the people of these oil-rich countries, and it is time you cowardly liberals enlist to help fight this war rather than just complain. Now you may say that I am a hypocrite for demanding you enlist for not fighting when I am not fighting myself. But the difference is I am not a coward, I am bravely dealing with a serious affliction. I am dealing with an anal cyst, the same affliction that allowed my hero Rush Limbaugh to avoid the Vietnam draft. Now you may laugh and call that a lame excuse, but just look at what happened to Rush. His anal cyst grew so big that it eventually consumed him entirely and now he IS an anal cyst.
I can't fight in Iraq, but I can fight the battle here at home. I will fight to protect us from box turtle marriage. I will fight to end all gay rights, with the exception of the right of gay prostitutes to serve in the White House press corps under a false name. That right stays. But most importantly I will continue to speak out against political correctness, we need more politically wrong ideas on DU and I am here to provide them.
And I hope you are all smart enough to figure this out on your own without me saying it but this is :sarcasm:.
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