ADOPT A SENATOR CAMPAIGN To residents of: Alaska, Oregon, Idaho, South Dakota, Colorado, Kansas, Iowa, Illinois, Oklahoma, Arkansas, Louisiana, Alabama, Georgia, South Carolina, North Carolina, Kentucky, New Hampshire, Vermont, D.C.
For the residents of the above states I realize we do not have a horse in a senatorial race…directly. But the fact is that we all have a horse in the race. We want/need to take back both the house and senate. So with this in mind, I have a proposition for everyone that does not have a senatorial race in their state this year: I am asking you--each one of you, personally--to find a nice senatorial candidate to adopt for this 2006 election season.
HOW DO I DECIDE WHO TO ADOPT? Look over the list of candidates below. They are listed by state and you will be able to see if they are the incumbent or who the republican senator is that we all want to get rid of. There will also be a link to the candidate’s website.
Base your adoption criteria on any of the following:
1. A Democrat (meeting this criteria is necessary)
2. A Competitive Race
3. Favorite Vacation Spot
4. Likable Photo on Website
5. Does/Doesn’t Take PayPal
6. Behind in the Polls
7. Ahead in the Polls
8. Needs a Poll
9. Where your Republican relatives (whom you can’t stand) live
10. Where your Democratic relatives (whom you adore) live
11. The campaign that needs the most help
12. The republican senator who is the biggest jerk in my estimation and deserves to lose more than anyone else
WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO ADOPT A SENATOR? This is fairly easy. By adopting a senatorial candidate from out of state all you really need to do is donate some money to their campaign. In most cases the usual types of volunteering would not be practical such as phone banking, door to door, yard signs, and even bumper stickers. (If you
do require a bumper sticker for your adoption I suggest you create your own that says:
I ADOPTED A BLUE SENATORIAL CANDIDATE! WHY SHOULD I BOTHER ADOPTING A SENATOR? You know why. And besides all that--these newly elected Senators will be serving until January 3, 2013. That alone should help motivate you. Remember, a senator does not just serve the state that elected him/her. They vote on issues that effect all of us.
HOW MUCH DOES IT COST TO ADOPT A SENATOR? Considering the price of a more traditional adoption, you could really save a bundle here. And don’t forget the bonus savings you’ll incur: you won’t have to buy the senator new school clothes, no paying for school or college tuition, you won’t have to lay out money for a car on the senator’s 16th birthday--you won’t have to buy a birthday present at all! You’ll be able to vacation wherever you want to without consulting with the senator first (or taking the senator’s feelings into account), you won’t have the senator trying to take the remote and watching the shows you don’t want to see--or hear the senator complaining because you always hog the remote and demanding to know who died and made you boss anyway?
No. You won’t have to worry about any of that. Adopting a Senator can be fun, fairly simple, and extremely rewarding.
The senator will never blame you when things go wrong, and all the thousands of democrats in that state will be ever grateful to you personally.
DON’T I HAVE TO BE QUALIFIED TO ADOPT A SENATOR? The answer is: no. Even if you can’t read this you can still adopt a senator. There are no age restrictions, no limit on the number of DUI’s you’ve had, no educational requirements to fulfill. It doesn’t matter how many drugs you’ve taken, what your credit rating is, or if you go to church on a regular basis. No one cares if you’re married, single or divorced. (We do care if you’re widowed so we can offer our condolences first.)
Your sexual preference does not matter. Neither does your ethnicity, your zodiac sign, how overweight you are or what your favorite color is. There are no lengthy medical history forms to fill out because no one cares about that either. You can even be the most screwed up person in your neighborhood but you will still be allowed to adopt a senator! And the best part is that parents can adopt a senator for their child or even their pet!
ADOPTING A SENATOR MAKES THE PERFECT GIFT FOR YOUR FRIENDS AND LOVED ONES So your friend’s birthday is coming up and you really don’t know what to get them. You want to find an unusual present--something they won’t be getting from all their other friends, but you just can’t think of anything. Well, think no more!
Adopting a senator makes the perfect gift for:
*Birthdays
*Anniversaries
*Wedding Showers
*Baby Showers
*Early Holiday Presents (let someone know you’re thinking of them all the time)
*The Autumn Equinox
*Halloween (a frighteningly fun surprise for any trick-or-treater)
*Retirement Parties
*Welcome Home From That Gallbladder Surgery Party
*Belated or Early Graduation Presents (I know I’ll be saying to my daughter: “You know that graduation party I was going to have for you? Well, I’ve decided to adopt a senator for you instead! Isn’t that great?” I can hardly wait to see the wonderful look of surprise on her face!)
SO HOW MUCH WILL IT REALLY COST ME? (SINCE YOU DIDN’T ANSWER THAT QUESTION BEFORE) That depends on what you think is a reasonable amount of money that will help to make a difference. Let’s face it: $2 buys a cup of coffee, and maybe a donut. Do you want your senator to have a donut or do you want your senator to WIN? What’s the cost of a yard sign, a tank of gas to drop off volunteer canvassers, the charge for printing hundreds of thousands of flyers, TV ads, the rent for a campaign office, the phone bills? I don’t know. But I know it’s more than $2.
Pretend the senator you’re adopting is running in your state--how much would you be willing to spend to keep a republican senator out? How much did you donate to your state’s senatorial campaign before? If you didn’t donate anything look at it like it was money saved that you can now donate to adopt a senator.
WHAT DO I DO AFTER I ADOPT A SENATOR? After you have sent the senator of your choice a check or perhaps donated online you can design a lovely certificate for yourself with the following information:
CERTIFICATE OF ADOPTION Date: _______________
Today I adopted a democratic senatorial candidate whose name is _________________________ . I understand I will be helping all the people in the state of ______________________ as well as helping every American. My adoption donation was in the amount of $__________ because I am a true patriot.
(And then don’t forget to make one of those
I ADOPTED A BLUE SENATORIAL CANDIDATE bumper stickers for yourself!)
----------------------------------------
If you adopted a senator as a surprise/present for someone else be sure to create a nice certificate for them with the following information:
GIFT CERTIFICATE
OF ADOPTION Date: _________
To: ________________
Congratulations! A democratic senatorial candidate has been adopted for you in your honor. Your adopted candidate’s name is __________________ from the state of ______________________. I hope that you will enjoy making a positive difference in our country and in the world.
From: ____________________
(For an added treat you can make one of those bumper stickers to enclose with your Gift Certificate of Adoption.)
GROWING YOUR ADOPTIVE FAMILY After you have adopted a senator you should probably consider adopting at least two candidates for the US house (your own--as long as a democrat is running, and another house candidate). Another important decision you’ll want to make is weather or not to adopt a governor, a candidate for a state house, and the list goes on. From now until November you can grow your family as big as you want without any added hassles over bedtimes, or telling them to put their dirty clothes in the laundry room.
SUPPORT NETWORK If you go that extra mile and adopt one or more politicians you might want some sort of support network. This could be arranged in the form of a thread either at your own state’s forum or the adoptive state’s forum titled: I Adopted A Politician. You and others can post on how your adopted politician is doing in the polls, put up newspaper clippings, share tidbits on your politician’s fundraising, keep track of exciting milestones and proudly discuss your politician’s overall progress.
Don’t forget that you can always send your adopted senator and other adopted politicians well-wishes in the form of emails and letters--and even an encouraging, occasional phone call.
I am certain this will be a fun, exciting and fulfilling time in your life. So why not take advantage of it and really make the most of it? ADOPT A SENATOR TODAY!
Senatorial Candidates Up For Adoption: Arizona (to dump Jon Kyl):
Jim Pederson
http://www.pederson2006.com/California
Diane Feinstein (incumbent)
http://www.dianne2006.com/Connecticut
Ned Lamont
http://www.nedlamont.com/Delaware
Tom Carper (incumbent)
http://www.carperforsenate.com/Florida
Bill Nelson (incumbent)
http://www.nelsonforsenate.com/Hawaii (posted before primary)
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_oet&address=358x1656Indiana (to dump Dick Lugar)
There is an independent & a libertarian running
Maine (to knock out Olympia Snowe)
Jean Hay Bright
http://www.jeanhaybright.us/Maryland (posted before primary)
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_oet&address=358x1675Massachusetts
Edward Kennedy (incumbent)
http://www.tedkennedy.com/Michigan
Debbie Stabenow (incumbent)
http://www.stabenowforsenate.com/Minnesota (open seat, posted before primary)
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_oet&address=358x1682Mississippi (to dump Trent Lott)
Erik Fleming
http://www.fleming2006.org/Missouri (to dump Jim Talent)
Claire McCaskill
http://www.claireonline.com/Montana (to dump Conrad Burns)
Jon Tester
http://testerforsenate.com/Nebraska
Ben Nelson (incumbent)
http://www.bennelson2006.com/ShowPage.asp?page=default.aspNevada (to dump John Ensign)
Jack Carter
http://www.carterfornevada.com/New Jersey
Robert Menendez (incumbent)
http://www.menendez2006.com/New Mexico
Jeff Bingaman (incumbent)
http://www.bingaman2006.com/New York (posted before primary)
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_oet&address=358x1700North Dakota
Kent Conrad (incumbent)
http://www.kent-conrad.com/Ohio (to dump Mike DeWine)
Sherrod Brown
http://www.sherrodbrown.com/Pennsylvania (to dump Rick Santorum, posted before primary)
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_oet&address=358x1713Rhode Island (posted before primary)
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_oet&address=358x1715Tennessee
Harold Ford
http://www.fordfortennessee.com/Texas (to dump Kay Bailey Hutchison)
Barbara Ann Radnofsky
http://www.radnofsky.com/Utah (to dump Orrin Hatch)
Pete Ashdown
http://www.pashdown.org/Vermont (open seat, posted before primary)
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_oet&address=358x1731Virginia (to dump George Allen)
Jim Webb
http://www.webbforsenate.com/Washington (posted before primary)
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_oet&address=358x1735West Virginia
Robert Byrd (incumbent)
http://www.byrd2006.com/Wisconsin (posted before primary)
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_oet&address=358x1739Wyoming (to dump Craig Thomas)
Dale Groutage
http://www.dalegroutageforsenate.com/I apologize in advance for any mistakes on names/links/or anything else. Please see “Campaign Underground 2006” for more information on these and other races:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_oet&address=358x1624And let me know which senatorial candidate you’ve decided to adopt.
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