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The Chapters
Chapter 1 - Keepin it Simple
Chapter 2 - Make them the owners
Chapter 3 - Use the flag baby
Chapter 4 - More morality
Chapter 5 - It’s the conviction stupid!
Chapter 6 – Concluding Thoughts
Chapter 1 – Keepin it simple
1. Talk in simple, no nonsense, black and white terms. Avoid complexities at all
costs!
This is the native talk of all Republicans. Republicans by nature hate
complexities. It makes their brains spin! To them, things are on or off. Issues are
black and white. Case closed! Well unless you're talking about some things.
For example when addressing a Republican about the WMD's in Iraq, they will
actually get out of character and will get complex on you! I'm serious. You should
try it some time. They'll start talking about bad intelligence, or liberating the Iraqi's
or enforcing UN resolutions! It's actually quite nice to see them deal with issues
on this level. If only they did this with all issues
Another example when Republicans start getting all complex. Talk about the
deficit. Oh my goodness. They have millions of reasons why Republicans seem
to always have deficits, and why the Democrats have balanced budgets and
surpluses. They actually play the blame game! That's right, they play the blame
game, and blame their problems on everything but themselves. I know this is a
shock to you, since they are always talking about personal accountability and
such. But there is a way to talk to a Republican on their native level about deficits
and WMD's.
When talking to them about the missing WMD's, speak to them like they would
speak to you on a complex issue. Ask them, "Did Bush say there were WMD's in
Iraq?" Then ask, "”Did they find any WMD's in Iraq?” When they slip into that
mode that is so foreign to them, yes the complex mode, it is your job to say,
"Answer the question. Yes or No! This is pretty simple here." They'll just look at
you stunned. Do the same when you ask them about Republican presidents
always having deficits. Just ask, "Did Nixon, Regan, Bush 1 and Bush 2 have
deficits?" Then ask, "Did Johnson and Clinton have balanced budgets?" If they
start getting "complex" and don't answer yes or no, simply guide them back in,
and ask the same questions only louder and more forceful! If you do this, you'll
be operating on their level, and will actually be speaking their language.
Chapter 2 – Make them the owners
2. When discussing an issue with them, act like it is important because they are
the true owners of it.
Republicans love ownership. They love, and I mean love, taking accountability
for their actions and their lives and for things that are just, well, part of their
responsibility! So use this if you must speak to them.
For example, if you talk about tax cuts, don't just talk about their money that they
get back. Talk about the consequences that will happen to "their" government
and "their" country if tax cuts are not done wisely. Since Republicans love taking
responsibility for things that are theirs, remind them that the government and it's
fiscal budget is also theirs! Remind them that any deficits that occur belong to
them. The deficit is theirs too! A faltering government is just as much a
responsibility of theirs as their kids are or their guns are.
When discussing issues of war, also make sure they understand that the military
is "their's" See in many Republicans minds, the military is this government
operated thing, which happens to have a lot of brave and noble men and women
in it. At least they recognize these men and women are brave and noble. But
they fail to recognize the military is owned by them, and not the government.
Thus they are quick to go to war! After all, why think deeply about the military
being destructed if it is something owned by the government and not by you!
Republicans have been saying this about government housing for years, Too bad
they never applied the same logic to something as life and death as "their"
military.
Chapter 3 – Use the flag baby.
3. Appeal to patriotism at all costs. Wrap all your causes in the flag.
Republicans love their country! Republicans like to put up flags, have parades for
war heroes, shoot fire works, say the pledge, and sing the national anthem.
Remember this if you ever must speak to one!
Now let’s say you are talking to them about tax cuts and spending cuts and
possible deficits that might happen. They'll most likely say tax cuts are good,
because you get your own money back. And to a point this is true. But you must
counter this argument with a weightier issue. Remind them that tax cuts will need
to have spending cuts in order to keep from getting a deficit. Now this is where
the Republican gets very slick, and slippery and complex. They might say tax
cuts actually bring more money in to the government. If they do this, just remind
them of Regan, Bush 1 and Bush 2. Neither of those brought in extra money!
After you say this, they might do something even more sneakier. They might say,
"Deficits don't matter anyway. It's only a small part of our GDP." At this point, you
must wrap yourself in the flag! Mention that having a growing deficit is harmful to
the nation. Call it unAmerican to be in debt. Say they are a traitor to their country
if they condone sending it into debt. Then do the grand daddy of them all!
Mention THE CHILDREN! Yes, mention their grand children, and the fact that
their grand children will be paying off the deficit they pass down. And then say,
"doing this is not the American way!"
Talking to Republicans about war is doubly difficult. First of all, they think they're
the true patriots so they are more prone to block you out. After all, they are the
only patriots! And of course it's difficult to talk about war with them, because,
well, they are Republicans. By nature they aren't for dialoguing. Why talk if you're
always right? So here is how to talk to a Republican about war. Wrap your
discussion in the flag. When talking about bringing our boys home, mention that
you care about the soldiers well being. NEVER and I mean NEVER, speak out
against a war. Even if it is wrong! Instead focus on your care for our men, and
women, and how you think it is wrong to ship them off to fight in every cause
known to man. Say that it's truly patriotic to want our soldiers to LIVE! Keeping a
soldier from being hit by a bullet is a very patriotic thing. It's also very pro-family.
After all, a family with a living family member is a lot happier than a family with a
dead family member. This is true even if you're a Republican. I think!
Chapter 4 – More Morality
4 Make every issue a moral issue.
Republicans thrive on morals! Every president they vote for, only sleeps with
their wife. No affairs for their politicians. Republicans think they are on the moral
high road. They fight against those egotistical, immoral Hollywood actors. Unless
he is a Republican who is governor of California. In that case they become
immoral, and actually vote for someone who has done drugs and womanized.
Actually, if you think about it, they like that former mayor of New York City, and I
think he slept with someone other than his wife, and they love him. But still, they
really are the moral party, and they love their morals. *wink*.
Since they love morals so, so much, you MUST appeal to morals when talking to
them. Let’s say you want to talk to them about the environment. By nature,
Republicans don't like the environment. They aren't too conscious about
pollution. They do just enough to keep their water and air clean, but other than
that, they don't care. So when talking to one about the environment, you MUST
make it a moral issue. Point out that the rest of the planet suffers if we don't
protect the environment. Don't try to turn them into hemp jean wearing, Boca
Burger eating, bike riding enviro freaks. Instead point out that it is immoral to
pollute the air that their children will breath some day. Boldly state kids around
the world should have clean air and food. It's only the moral thing to do. I mean if
we're going to welcome life into the world, we should sustain and protect that life
we supposedly value so much. Right?
Appeal to morals when speaking to a Republican about fair trade and labor laws
in oppressive countries! Republicans love helping the oppressed in other lands. I
mean they love sending our men and women to free them. So it would only follow
that they support policies that protects the oppressed worker in other nations?
Right? Point out that it's just immoral for mothers and kids to work 14 hour days
in bad work conditions for low pay. Say it's against family values. And it's against
capitalistic ideas in general to not reward people for hard work. Play the morality
card to a tee when talking about fair trade and labor laws in oppressive countries.
Chapter 5 – It’s the conviction stupid
5. Talk with deep conviction, no matter how flawed your logic. Deep conviction
during a speech, must mean what you're saying is true!
Republicans speak with conviction. In their speech notes, if they have a point that
doesn't make sense, they pencil in the margins, to just speak louder. It's true, if
logic breaks down, they can convince you buy just speaking with more
conviction.
Luckily you can employ this tactic when speaking to them about your non-
Republican ideas that don't make sense. Let's be honest, even us non-
Republicans have ideas that make no sense. At least we can speak louder and
with deep conviction when we are on the ropes.
Let's say we want to raise taxes, and I mean RAISE taxes. Let's say there is no
reason to really raise taxes. We can assume the budget is balanced, we're not in
war, and we even have a surplus. But let’s say we just want toraise taxes for the
heck of it! Here is how you must argue for your dumb policy.
Speak of it with deep conviction. But don't just use deep conviction, use common
sense type language with it too. Say, "Can't you see the only reasonable thing to
do is to raise taxes? We must raise taxes. It's wise. It's smart, Our opponents are
wrong if they don't want taxes raised. Come on I'm just being straight here with
ya folks. I'm not spinning, I'm straight talking." If you can say that with deep
conviction, and say it matter of factly, even though you are spinning and lying
through your teeth, you should be able to convince a Republican of anything!
Assuming you must speak with one.
Chapter 6 – Concluding Thoughts
Speaking to a Republican can be challenging, but if you follow these five easy
steps, I think you will fair rather well.
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