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Edited on Fri Aug-04-06 07:23 PM by NanceGreggs
MY BUSHCO/GOP EDJUMACATION
By Nancy Greggs
Just thought I’d do a quick review of the things I’ve learned from the GOP and their president over the last few years – after all, you never know when there’s going to be a pop quiz:
If Bush said it, it’s a lie.
If Bush said it, it will require translation into understandable language – at which point it will still be a lie, but more grammatically correct.
If Bush said it and it is later proven to be a lie, it was never said in the first place – regardless of how many times anyone heard it, read it, or saw it on tape.
Being a Christian means photo-ops outside a house of worship, attending ‘prayer breakfasts’, etc. It was never meant to be undertaken as an actual way of life.
‘Family Values’ are strict guidelines that govern upstanding moral behavior meant to be adhered to by Democrats only.
“Support the Troops” is a catchy slogan and a great bumpersticker. It should not be mistaken as a basis for voting ‘yes’ on funding life-saving equipment for the military currently in combat.
Democracy is not a concept, but a finite commodity. If we spread it around the world, we have to expect less of it to be available at home.
Never debate the policies of someone who opposes you, when a 60-second commercial based on scurrilous lies about their personal life can speak for you.
The most logical choice of people to oversee military operations are people who are not biased by having had any actual military experience of their own.
As things in Iraq worsen, don’t change course. Just encourage people to switch to a TV network that offers more optimistic war coverage.
Money is the root of all evil. Giving tax breaks to the wealthy is just a way of keeping the poor and middle-class from losing their immortal souls.
“I cannot comment on an ongoing investigation” means “I have something to hide.”
“I cannot comment for national security reasons” means “I have something REALLY BIG to hide.”
The ‘fog of war’ is not a euphemism for the chaos that ensues under combat conditions. It is a magical mist that transports billions of taxpayer dollars into the bank accounts of the vice president and his business cronies when no one is looking.
Deficits are not the result of any action, but the result of normal cycles like the phases of the moon. They appear during a Republican administration, at which time they don’t matter; they are then inherited by a Democratic president, at which time they become more important than anything else. It is no one’s fault; it is just nature.
The most coherent statement on US foreign policy ever uttered was: “Someone should tell them to stop this shit.” When spoken with an open mouthful of food, it transcended mere policy and became political poetry.
Losing an entire US city to hurricane damage is a minor loss when viewed in terms of how many cities we actually have still in existence across the country.
The Constitution was never meant as a strict diet; it was only a serving suggestion.
A president should never be questioned during wartime, which is why a president with no answers to anything has to make sure we are at war all the time.
The only true barometer to gauge the health of the nation’s economy is how well the top one percent is doing in any given fiscal period.
The role of the news media is not to ask questions of the administration, but to make up answers that the public will swallow.
Electronic voting machines are meant to ensure that the right people are in office, whether the public is smart enough to vote for them or not.
Right-wing broadcasters do not slant the news; they simplify it so that even their dumbest audience members understand that despite all evidence to the contrary, Bush is a great leader in every way.
Those that CAN, do. Those that CAN’T should be given cushy appointments like heading up FEMA or Homeland Security.
Ninety-nine percent of the problems in this country today can be directly traced back to Bill Clinton. The other one percent can be indirectly traced back to Bill Clinton.
Right-wing pundits are busy people, and cannot back up their rhetoric with facts due to time constraints.
Scientific data is mumbo-jumbo tossed around by people who think they are intellectually superior, and should not be applied to important matters like evolution or global warming.
The Republican Fundies are right; the Bible is infallible because it was written by God himself. This will be proven when the first edition, signed by the Author, eventually shows up on Antiques Roadshow or the Rapture ensues – whichever comes first.
Thank God we live under an Edjumactional President – I have learned SO MUCH!!!
Edited to correct spelling" 'Edumacation' to 'edjumaction' -- apparently I didn't learn my lessons as gud as I shuld haf! Thanks pansypoo!!!
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