An open letter to Rush Limbaugh - Democratic Underground

BobcatJH

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Tue Jun-27-06 10:58 AM
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An open letter to Rush Limbaugh

Dear Rush,

How embarrassing. Not only detained for having a bottle of drugs in your possession without a prescription, but Viagra no less! At first, before I saw that it was indeed Vitamin V, I wondered what it was. Was it that good, good stuff that made you think Sherrod Brown was black? Or maybe the stuff that caused you to not think you were arrested at the end of your previous drug-related run-in with the law?

But then I read it was Viagra. I'm sure you, of all people, understand the humor inherent in this situation. I mean, the jokes just write themselves. Here's one I just thought of: Hey, Rush, I guess you weren't talking legislation with Bob Dole, were you? But seriously, Rush, what was an unmarried, virtuous man like yourself doing on a weekend getaway with a quantity of the little blue pill?

Rush, I wonder what the religious right is going to say about this? Because, after all, you're not presently married, but yet you've been caught with your pants down, so to speak, possessing an prescription to Viagra that was not in your name. I'm fairly certain even they're not dumb enough not to know the purpose of Viagra.

As a Family Research Council report titled "Why Wait: The Benefits of Abstinence Until Marriage" says, "Practicing abstinence helps couples to avoid the long-lasting negative consequences of premarital sex, including out-of-wedlock childbearing, sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), emotional problems, promiscuity, and future marital break-up." Now, Rush, were you thinking about those consequences before you jet-setted to the Dominican Republic on your private jet armed with a questionable prescription to Viagra?

And how could we forget how Focus on the Family views "Biblical Sexual Morality"? You'll remember, Rush, that the group says, "Sexual behavior is moral only within the institution of heterosexual, monogamous marriage." If that didn't state the Focus on the Family view clearly enough for you, consider this later statement: "Sex outside of marriage is never moral." Were you looking to practice sexually moral behavior in the Dominican Republic, Rush? Were you there to find your next one true love, for whom you were no doubt saving yourself?

Because, if you weren't looking for your one true love in the Dominican, what, may I ask, were you looking for? Because, according to a Frommer's list of fast facts about planning a trip there, I hope you had your guard up. Quoting a note in the safety section, "The single male will find more solicitations from prostitutes (putas in Spanish) here than anywhere else in the Caribbean. Putas are at their most visible and aggressive in such relatively unmonitored tourist zones as Cabarete, and within the bars and lounges of most of the deluxe hotels of Santo Domingo, especially the Jaragua."

Wow. "... more solicitations from prostitutes here than anywhere else in the Caribbean"? Again, I hope you had your guard up. Who knows how many putas, if any, could resist a man with talent on loan from God? Or the man who describes himself as a "harmless, lovable little fuzzball"? Or the man who has billed himself as "the epitome of morality and virtue" and the "posterboy for the American way of life"? And who, after all, could resist the touch of your formerly nicotine-stained fingers! No one, that's who!

When Paul Hackett called you a "fatass drug addict", perhaps what he really meant was "fatass love addict". Tell me, however, would a real über-man or über-sexual, two phrases you've used to describe yourself, need the help Viagra offers? Maybe, but who could compete with you, a man with talent on loan from a pharmacist?