Build that wall, Minutemen!

[BobcatJH]

So the Minutemen, those xenophobic, border-patrolling vigilantes, have decided to give the federal government an ultimatum. Send the National Guard or the reserves to the border by May 25 or they'll start building the wall themselves Memorial Day weekend. Not only that, but leader Chris Simcox claims to have already lined up promises of land in Arizona, California, New Mexico and Texas.

While my initial reaction was, and still is, continued amazement as to the audacity of these self-styled patriots, I think there's a very important lesson to be learned here. With that in mind, I'm suggesting we treat this threat differently than others coming before it.

I say we let them build it.

Nothing would amuse me more than the sight of sunburnt, worn-out, possibly out-of-shape, middle-aged Minutemen broiling in the hot southern sun. Temperatures soaring higher than the highest bald eagle. White faces turning redder than the reddest of Old Glory's stripes. Back-breaking labor much more difficult than sitting in the back of a pick-up truck with a rifle in one hand an a cold one in the other. To me, it's a star-spangled dream sequence right out of that terrible Lee Greenwood song.

How long, I wonder, until the first wilting Minuteman asks aloud when they would be contracting the construction out to some cheap labor? Further, how long until said Minuteman realizes that, after all, they wouldn't be doing so, because the wall they're so foolishly building is intended to keep such help out. And how long after that realization would our Minuteman say under his breath that it sure would be nice to have an iced tea right about now? But that iced tea won't be coming, my friend. Keep on hammering! Hammering for freedom!

What a boon to the economy this would be! Picture massive lines at southern home-improvement stores. Picture, too, the confused looks on employees' faces when they realize that the supplies won't be going to the Gulf Coast, where they're most needed. No, they'll be going to build a wall. A wall intended to prevent the people who help keep American running out. An unnecessary simplified, panicked solution to a problem too complex for the Minutemen to grasp.

But I'm glad we can finally address the most pressing issues America faces. Aren't you? Now that we've fed the nation's hungry, we can finally tackle the bigger fish. Now that we've covered the uninsured, we can finally put hammer to nail. Now that we've put the unemployed and underemployed back to work, we can finally build the wall. With the war in Iraq in our national rear-view mirror, gas prices back under $2 a gallon and the sagging economy similarly behind us, I'm excited to be able to focus on the future. A future where the grass is always greener on our side of the fence.

If you think about it, however, this plan is about as porous as the border itself. Let's suppose for a moment that some bigoted, yet deep-pocketed, Republican philanthropist sees it in his heart to fund this coast-to-coast episode of "Curb Appeal". Even then, the practicality of procuring the continuous stretch of land needed for such a project is next-to-impossible. But hey, the impossible never stopped an American, right? Especially one with hate in his heart.

Of course, two things stood out about this "plan" right from the start. One, that the Bush administration and Republican Party would trouble themselves to help their extremist base. Even a Bush-supporting simpleton realizes that, since taking office, Bush has abandoned the fringe that got him elected in favor of his Big Business friends. And two, that there would even be Guard or reservists available to help. They're too busy cracking down on dark-skinned people in the Middle East to worry about doing so along the southern border.

But those are just details to be worked out. Where's your pioneer spirit? If you're up for some hard labor in uncomfortable conditions and tired of seeing the best jobs go to undocumented workers, why don't you grab your tool belt and head south to work on Simcox's Folly? And when you're passing every military recruitment office, homeless shelter and Habitat house along the way, thank your lucky stars that your work will help future Americans achieve their dreams.

Leave now, the sooner the better. Your country needs you!

[AzDar]

1. Bet they'll use 'undocumented ' workers to build it. n/t

[BobcatJH]

2. Very true

That's a pretty safe bet.

[MADem]

3. Of course they will--those beergut slobs wouldn't strain themselves!

That was my first thought!

All they'll be doing is rerouting the traffic, assuming the border-crossers don't dig a tunnel under it!

[Upfront]

4. Democrats Need To Tread lightly Here

I don't care one way another if they build a fence. I do think we need to control our borders somehow, and then decide how to handle the rest of it. I could be wrong but I would bet the great majority of Americans want to stop this uncontrolled influx across our borders. I think our esteemed congress folks are home learning this now. I see this issue blowing up in the Democrats face and costing us the 2006 election. Flame away.

[underpants]

5. Don't fall for it-this is and has been a one sided argument

Sure some of the Dems have said bits about it but this whole thing is Republican created. The funny part is that they wanted it to be yet another wedge issue (with real life "bad guys" and scapegoats) but their base picked up the ball and ran with it. They are DEMANDING action and if they don't get it it will be another replay of the Schiavo mess and the Ports deal-both whipped up the RW base into a frenzy with zero result.

Okay that being said I do agree about something-LET THEM. If they really want to go down there and stand there and let the flow go around them (at least it isn't going by them) LET THEM. If more people took stands about issues they really cared about Fox News would have the news cycle dictated to them by the people and not the RNC and we would all be much better off. If they want to build a wall by themselves LET THEM-it won't work but as long as they have legal clearance and want to raise the money (though it could easily be better spent) LET THEM.

[Capn Sunshine]

6. If you lived in the southwest

your view on this would be different.

The 'system" has worked fine for 50 years. Just like the "system" on the interstate works, despite the fact that everyone is breaking the speeding laws.

"uncontrolled influx" is code for " we don't want brown people gaining a majority " in my book.

[The Magistrate]

7. I Agree, Captain

There is no real crisis here, only an exercise in hype and stampeding public opinion. There are some structural difficulties owing to immigration, both legal and illegal, but they are no worse today than yesterday, or this spring than last fall.

It does seem to me, though, that this has been a poor move on the part of the Republicans. They seem to be doing their level best to see to it no immigrant citizen, and certainly no citizen of Hispanic heritage, will cast a Republican vote for generations to come.

[onenote]

8. if they want to build on private property, is there anything to stop them?

If not, I guess I say build away. On the other hand, if they set foot on public property, I expect the government to step in and stop them from trespassing, by force if necessary. Of course,that will put chimpy in a bit of a bind....

onenote