Late Breaking News - Bush Flies to Pinellas Park And Seattle

[Radicalman]

UPS - President Bush, a born again evangelical Christian, who has said that God guides his every move, has rushed to aid Terry Schievo. Upon arriving at her side in Florida, the President participated in a “laying on hands” ceremony with former Attorney General John Ashcroft and fellow evangelicals, Tom DeLay and James Dobson. Mr. Ashcroft anointed Schievo’s head with Crisco Oil.

The group then embarked for Seattle Washington to aid 93 year old Thomas Gilcrest, who is dying of terminal cancer. The morphine drip attached to Gilcrest’s arm no longer relieves his pain. Gilcrest, who has no living relatives, has not left a living will. Because he is in such agony, he is totally incoherent. Therefore he cannot tell his doctors whether he wishes to have his life support systems removed. Because of these circumstances, a local judge, who is also a fundamentalist evangelical, has refused a request from the doctors to rule on whether Gilcrest’s feeding tube and breathing machine should be detached.

“We must err on the side of life,” stated President Bush as he departed for Seattle. “But I have decided that the least I can do I can comfort Tom by laying my Christian hands upon his tormented body,” he said.

The President suggested that the “right to life” issue is of such grave importance to him that he will now devote a quarter of his time as President to flying about the country and laying his hands upon the thousands who are on life-support systems. “I think doing the Lord’s work in these situations is as at least as important as drilling for oil in Alaska, aiding my campaign contributors, cutting back on funding for education, and taking children off of Medicaid and food stamps,” declared the President.”

The President offered further comment but could not be understood by reporters because he was “Speaking In Tongues.” As the President’ boarded Air Force One his body jerked and thrashed about as he shouted incomprehensible words. Mr. Ashcroft and the other born again fundamentalists were unable to translate his words for the assembled press.

[libodem]

1. Are you kidding about the speaking in tongues?

I swear I've read some speculation regarding a probable neurological disorder. Maybe, he's lost it.

[mcscajun]

2. The whole thing's a joke. Nicely written, though.

:)

[ailsagirl]

13. Really? The truth is so dangerously close to a joke, it's hard to

know sometimes!!!!!!!!!!!
:freak:

[Pallas180]

3. Aschcroft is known to speak in tongues - not kidding - I

dont think Aschcroft has a neurological disoreder...he's just an asshole

[babylonsister]

4. Not that far off the possible mark!

Thanks! :thumbsup:

[displacedtexan]

5. You almost had me! But He flew in Waco today.

my daughter is there working on a Zombie movie. She's the Makeup FX artist.

This afternoon, hundreds of Zombie extras and the entire crew gave Air Force One the Zombie Finger.

[burn the bush]

6. way to go zombies!

[cobaindrain]

7. "...laying my Christian hands upon his tormented body”

ok, this quote really creeped me out. Does Bush believe his (blood soaked) "christian hands" will relieve some of this guys pain?

[maxsolomon]

8. how i know this is fake...

bush is scared to step foot in Seattle. he has only been here twice in 5 years, and that was to walk from the plane to the limo for the drive to medina for a fundraiser.

lets see him give a speech at pike place market like clinton did in 96.

pussy.

[AntiCoup2K4]

10. That chimp coward won't set foot anywhere west of the Cascades.

...unless he can get airlifted into McCaw's mansion hy helicopter.

[FreedomAngel82]

9. What the hell?

We should get this out all over the place and show how Bush is insane! He's nuts. On Edit: Oh. It's a joke. Darn.

[mcscajun]

11. And this is why stuff like this should be posted in the Lounge.

At least there, no mistake would be made on it's joke-potential.

[Radicalman]

12. Maybe It Should Be Posted In The Lounge. I'm New Here. I Just Don't Know

[mcscajun]

14. Oops! Didn't notice you were new.

So some slack must be cut. :)

And welcome to DU!

:bounce:

[Radicalman]

15. Thanks. I don't even know what the lounge is. I'll find out now.

I posted some stuff 2 years ago or so but only resumed yesterday. I've forgotten all I knew then and it wasn't much! Thanks for the welcome mscjajun.