http://groups.google.com/groups?q=if+cable+news+was+a+high+school&hl=en&lr=&ie=UTF-8&safe=off&selm=29545-406B95BC-104%40storefull-3315.bay.webtv.net&rnum=1Every once in a while it occurs to me that people on cable news fit
ratherly nice high school stereotypes. So I have thought that:
Principal: Pat Buchanan very strict and has seniority
Vice Principal: Robert Novak the fascist type vice principal that brings
fear to everyone. Stop running and you have detention - favorite line.
English teacher: Greta VanSustern the hip teacher that associates well
with students but also respected
Gym/Math Teacher: Wolf Blitzer the gym teacher who believes that playing
basketball for 1/2 the class is enough. Get him as math teacher he
leaves you in tears. (I had a teacher like this in high school.)
Student president: O'Reilly the guy who wins on "orange juice not orange
aid"
School bullly/sidekick: Hannity and Colmes. Hannity the school bully
with his weak sidekick who does their homework.
School gossip: Rita Cosby. The girl you never want to talk to but
somehow knows who slept with whom.
Good girl: Kyra Philliips. The sweet girl that goes to church and works
as a volunteer for all the outreach programs.
Sick kid: Neal Covuto: Girls mother him, boys consider him no threat,
athletes use him as a mascot.
Alleged Bad girl: Kristi Muscemisci the girl that is most gossiped about
but never really sure whats true and whats not.
Rich girl: Daryn Kagen. The girl who dresses the most expensive and
drives in style.
Head cheerleader: Alex Witt the most bubbly slightly airheaded and
energetic girl in school.
Movie geek: Chris Matthews the guy you ask what good movies to see with
your girlfriend or to solve trivia questions.
Class clown: Keith Olbermann - well who else fits the mold?
Classic dumb jock: Shephard Smith sure he wins the state title in two
sports but his glory days end with graduation.
School counselor: Larry King. The guy all students tell their problems
to. The counselor who listens sympathetically and makes you feel like
your problems are not your fault.