Democratic Capitalism and Girl Scout Cookies

[Amerpie]

If you have a scarcity of female type children in your family, it is possible that you have not yet experienced the joys of selling Girl Scout cookies to your friends and co-workers. If you have military training, you already probably have some skills that will assist you in this odious chore. For the rest of you, I am providing a tutorial so when the need arises you may refer to this for instruction.

Step 1) When your daughter arrives from her Girl Scout meeting and announces that cookie season has arrived you may want to make arrangements to schedule time for a spiritual retreat in order that you may prepare yourself for the task at hand. Native American parents often conduct a sweat lodge ceremony. Be warned, some serious loin girding is called for here.

Step 2) Immediately afterwards you must call every relative living within driving distance and demand an order of several cases. Lying is permissible. For instance, "What do you mean you only want two cases of thin mints? Uncle Fred pawned his mud flaps to get a third case!" You may also do some creative multi-level marketing at this step. "If you take two cases to work with you, I promise I won't give your name to cousin Ricky who would like to talk with you about investing in the Psychic Friends Network."

Step 3) The real business of marketing these delectable delights occurs at work. Ethics be damned. Do not feel guilty about ignoring the tasks that normally fill your boring life. Immediately upon arriving at your job you should approach all employees subordinate to you, one at the time, stating something along the lines of "Hey, I saw you request for time off to attend your father's funeral. Would you like to buy some Girl Scout Cookies?" Make it clear through a series of snorts, stares, threatening gestures, etc., that orders for one box are not acceptable from those wishing to remain employed.

Step 4) When selling to your peers in the workplace be creative. To your Republican friends mention how obvious it is that Rush Limbaugh eats TONS of GSCs every year. Elizabeth Dole was a Girl Scout. America was built on a tradition of rugged entrepreneurial individualism. GSCs are a damn tradition!! What the hell are you doing trying to break a tradition! Are you a Communist?

Step 5) To your Democratic friends, it is merely necessary to point out the racial diversity of the little Girl Scout models on the order form (African-American, Asian-American, Mexican-American, Anglo-American, Mississippi-American). It helps to insinuate that the failure to purchase enough GSCs may result in a continuation of the Republican domination of congress.

Step 6) Do not sell GSCs to your boss. It is against company policy to sell things at work.

[boobooday]

1. This is hilarious, and oh so true!

Been there, "marketed" my children's promotional products.

At least Girl Scout cookies taste good. I've had horrendous frozen foods, overpriced gift wrap, and so much other crap eventually I just couldn't do it anymore. And I only have two kids!

Oh, I'm having flashbacks, stop me!

:-)

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