Do you give someone a Christmas gift because they "deserve" it?

[Ilsa]

I'm just curious what others' thoughts and feelings on this might be.

I was having a conversation with an old friend who said she made something for this family friend for Christmas because she "deserves" it. I always thought my friend(s) gave me thoughtful gifts out of love.

Thoughts?

[nolabear]

1. I don't think I understand it.

Maybe. I've given gifts to service people, paper carriers and mailmen and so forth. They deserve it. I guess if you don't really like someone but feel they've done something good for you or someone else. Your situation might be entirely different though and I wouldn't get insecure about why others give gifts to you. Gift giving is an interesting thing. Poeple do it for all kinds of reasons.

[zanana1]

2. Gift giving is certainly an interesting thing...

Alot of it is it done out of a sense of obligation or tradition. Stature in the family counts, too. Friends are the ones who are fun to shop for. You know them well, so you know what they'll like. And if you don't have much money, they'll like the gift anyway because it comes from you.

[freshwest]

3. I don't know about the deserving part. What thrills me is any gift, no matter how cheap, indicating

That someone truly noted my interests in conversation. That's what I try to do in gift giving, listen to what someone expresses an interest in during the year, or would like to have, but considers it a luxury. So I relieve them of the guilt trip and they get the thing they desired.

Of course, at this point of my life, I tell people who actually make a point to ask me what I'd like for Christmas, birthday, etc., is to give me a gift card to a grocery store since that's what I need, LOL. The only thing I hate about being persistently less endowed with cash than I once was, is not being able to treat others as I once did.

I think there is some strange force in the universe (because I'm not going to sell any form of religion on anyone) that makes things equal out at times. When I was more prosperous, had a decent income, etc., I was just as happy to go to the grocery or department store and buy for others. Often strangers.

Like I'd buy a sack of nice goods for myself, twice as much as I needed, and put half in the bin at the end of the counter for the store to give to food pantries. Sometimes I'd take someone who I knew was having a hard time, shopping with me, and ask their advice on products they thought were good. So I'd select those as if they were for me.

Then when we got to the checkout line I'd have the checker put those in separate bags. When I took the person home, and they'd get ready to say goodbye, I'd hand them the groceries. If they started to cry I'd tell 'em Da Nada. It's really better to give than receive, although I know most people like to get things from others, I was not brought up that way. Maybe that's why I'm kinda poor, I guess, didn't do my taking when I could.

But on the deserving thing... Well, maybe I do understand that. The little bank in my neighborhood used to have a new toy and clothing drive. They had these cards with each of three gifts that a child in foster care had requested, hoping to get at least one. I'd take as many cards as they had left, and go and get all three for each card.

This was when I had a good paying job, reasonable health, good prospects, my house and car paid off and before I became a parent. When I brought them in, the staff were amazed at me getting all three for each kid. I asked, is this all that these kids are gonna get? When they said, Yes, I said, why should they get just one present? As if it's not hard enough being in foster care. I thought they deserved more than the minimum. I bought good stuff, the kind of stuff I'd have liked to have growing up.

I never sold what I had if I could give it away and often cleared my home of things I decided I didn't need. No matter how much money they were worth. If that sounds extravagant and stupid, blame it on my brother giving me a copy of 'A Christmas Carol' by Charles Dickens when he was away in the Air Force and I was in my single digits. It really affected me.

I guess a Republican would say I made all the wrong choices, that I should have held onto all I had over the years, etc. True, maybe I would worry less about money now if I'd been that way. But things happen and we can lose all that we have, sometimes there is not enough preparation that can be done for catastrophes. That's when I guess that the universe decides that those who are not wealthy are deserving. I don't think of myself as deserving, but I am grateful for it all.

That's all I can think about on the subject of giving and deserving for you, maybe it'll answer your question.

:hi:

[MiddleFingerMom]

4. I guess I've done that before (the "deserve" thing),

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In 1981, I was hit from behind at a stoplight while on my motorcycle by a drunk kid
in a station wagon doing 55 mph. Lucky to be alive.
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Hospital 10 days. Out of work for 2-3 months. Cast for 7 months. Pretty much penniless
for quite a while. It was this horrible event that caused me to discover one of the best
gifts I've ever found as a Christmas present. I had NO money -- nothing but lots and
lots of time.
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For presents that year, I strung popcorn and cranberries on thread for people to use
as decorations. To a person, they LOVED this gift -- something really cool that they
didn't have time to do themselves.
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Since then, I've never really had limitless time to work on that gift for people -- so
generally, I would make just one for someone who had been particularly kind or helpful
to me (in a sense, a kind of instant karma payback) I guess, in a way, I felt they
"deserved" to be the recipient of that particular gift that year. It was still given
out of love, though -- not out of some sort of obligation.
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