So my cat Evita hates me now

[LynneSin]

:shrug:

Abbie is still a sweetheart, but Evita just can't be bothered with any of us. She usually hides underneath the bed and comes out only for food and potty.

Now what do I do?

:cry:

[TN al]

1. Live with it

This is what cats do.

[LynneSin]

2. I want to live with TWO cats that love me

not one that tolerates me simply because I have food for her

[TN al]

6. I don't mean to sound unconcerned but ...

... If that is what you want you may have to get a third cat. Then maybe a fourth. maybe a fifth, or a sixth...

[jobycom]

13. I hate to be the one to break this to you, but

You have TWO cats who tolerate you because you have food for them! One just tolerates more affectionately.

Seriously, cats can't be shaped any more than humans (well, at least Democrats) can. She's the way she is. Love her that way, and she'll love you back. Try too hard, and she'll feel pressured, and will pull away. Just like a kid and most adults. I have four cats. One is very standoffish. She's also very bright, and has an unexpected playful streak that she only shows certain people whom she trusts. There is a real joy in the way she expresses her affection because it isn't forced. One of my other cats is a desperate, needy thing, almost like a dog. If you pet another cat, she glares. She follows me everywhere, is always under my feet, and will jump on me the moment I sit down anywhere in the house. She's not as fun to be around because it feels like a duty to pet her. I still love her, but she annoys me a lot of times.

Anyway, cats will be who they are, and that's the best way to relate to them.

[Lorien]

12. Nonsense. Only a small percentage of cats

are naturally "offish". All three of mine, and Abbie and hundreds of other DU kitties are as affectionate as can be ("doglike", if you will).

The first question is; was Evita more outgoing when you got her, or has she always been shy and withdrawn? Sometimes shyness IS genetic in cats (something I recently discovered in a book on cat training and behavior) If both a cats parents were shy and anti-social, chances are the kittens will be, but if at least ONE of the parents is affectionate and loving, more times than not, the kittens will be the same. Not much one can do about a cat with the shyness gene, but if her shyness is inspired by an event or situation, then it can be dealt with.

[commander bunnypants]

3. give her time

DDQM

[LynneSin]

If I do pet her she's purring in 5 minutes flat

and her whole body vibrates when she purrs - she really is an adorable cat!

[Caromill]

4. Leave her alone and enjoy Abbie

I have six cats and have never been able to influence any of their behavior to any great extent. Cats do what they want to do. She may come around sooner or later.

At least she comes out to potty!

:)

[ET Awful]

5. Kittie treats and toys . . .

lure her out :)

Get a laser pointer from the pet store or Staples . . . keep it shining on the floor in front of her, it'll get her attention. (Trust me, Quinn goes batshit over it).

Toys that require your interaction with her will eventually lure her out. . . maybe one of the toys that's like a fishing reel with a little fur mouse at the end that you can tug around in front of her 'til she pounces on it.

She'll come around.

I've found that every cat I've run into (with the sole except of Burke, the black and white cat my roommate has) LOVE a brand of treats called Bil-Jak (I think that's the right spelling). Those will work to lure her out as well. Maybe put some on a plate to get her attention and call her and involve the toy too. Eventually she'll associate you, yummie treats and play time and she'll come around.

[Caromill]

8. Didn't think of that

The fishing pole toy and the laser pointer are great ideas -- cats go nuts for them. Even the aloof variety.

[ET Awful]

11. Quinn will literally try to climb the wall to catch the laser pointer spot

It's hilarious. I think he might actually accomplish it one day.

[noonwitch]

15. My cat goes nuts for the fishing pole

She was having fun attacking my palm leaf from church, too.

[GOPisEvil]

7. We had a cat like that too. Just unfriendly.

Not mean, just not social. Some cats are just strange. :shrug:

[Caromill]

Amen

[Kadie]

9. Is she under the bed just to be alone or

is she frightened.

I once had a cat that spent most of her time under some piece of furniture. She was a little frightened around people. I would just go to her and talk in a soft voice, several times a day. I would also take her little treats now and then. Eventually she came out more and more often. She turned into one of the most affectionate cats I ever had.

I have one now that just wants to be alone. She comes out now and then for some attention, but she much prefers to be by herself.

[Caromill]

10. Maybe the other cat is the problem

We have one cat who likes us but is afraid of our other cats. We solved the problem by keeping her in our bedroom most of the time. She's friendly and normal with us, but hides when the other cats are around. Don't know if that would be the problem with just one other cat, but you never know. You might try keeping them apart for a couple of days and see if that helps.

[Lorien]

14. Try clicker training

my pet sitter couldn't get my Maine Coon kitten to warm up to her when she came to visit (he would always hide; she's a bit loud, and that's part of the problem). So I left treats, a clicker and instructions last time I was out of town. In her daily log, the sitter wrote that she started the training (a simple "high five" trick) on the first day, and by day three Oberon was waiting for her at the front door and not only did his tricks, but enjoyed daily brushing and play! Clicker training aids in interspecies communication, which inspires greater trust. Go here: www.clickertraining.com for more information.

On edit: here's a clicker trained cat going through an agility contest from the site. Nope, it's not photoshopped! Cats are easily trained when using the right methods.

[grannylib]

16. We have a cat who likes to take refuge under our bed but only when stress

is present (like our destructo-boy grandson) or when Babycat has worn her out with play.
I think if you just live with it for now and let her do the adjusting, keep giving her love and attention when she IS present and out for food and potty, I bet she will become more social.
Maybe even a special treat now and then if she begins to wander out for other reasons, might encourage her...