A question that some people will deem rather naive

[hyphenate]

And I suppose they would be right. I don't "date" anyone, but I always have friends to go out with, when I do go out, but this puzzles me, and I hope someone will have some sort of an answer for it.

My sister is now 50. She has been married, raised three kids, the youngest of who is 19 now. She takes care of my mom and brother in California. She has been a drug addict, and is an alcoholic. She's had a multiple run of guys in her life, most of them not so nice.

So she said a few weeks ago that she now has a new boyfriend. She said that he looks out for her, and buys her everything. He takes her to bars and clubs, and buys her drinks everywhere they go.

All well and good, were she not an alcoholic. How can anyone actually think someone is "being good" to them, when they are exploiting an inherent weakness in her basic make-up? I don't really know how to look at this kind of situation, because 1) I don't have addictive tendencies, and 2) While I go out, I don't need to worry about drinking. (It's been years since I last had a drink.)

Is someone who is "looking out" for that person's welfare going to allow that person who they're supposed to care about do the very thing which is harming that person in the first place?

Again, I don't understand this kind of situation because I've never been through it, so if someone could clue me in, I would like to understand better. It just appears to me that your addictions are the things that are killing you, and denying that they are problems is just another way to make things worse for yourself in the end.

Just as an FYI-my sister's very best longtime friend died in March of 2010 from cirrhosis of the liver, at the age of 49.

[MiddleFingerMom]

1. You can love someone DESPITE their addiction, whether or not you're enabling them...

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... or doing your best to support them in changing their behavior.
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I had a GF for whom I cared very much... who was not only an alcoholic,
but a resigned ("it's inevitable because I'm Irish"), self-destructive
and UGLY alcoholic. She became this person I didn't know when she had
had enough alcohol (not that there was ever "enough").
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To this day, I feel guilt about not having been "strong enough", but
personally, I couldn't watch her keep doing the things to herself that
she was doing.
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So, I think it may be wrong of you to presume that the person doesn't
love her. And THEY may be "co-enablers", both addicts who don't truly
recognize that either one of them has a problem. Without any specific
data or research to cite -- I feel that's more often the case.
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No matter, it's not necessarily an "exploitation" of a weakness -- it
may even be a love DESPITE that weakness.
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While your perspective of wanting her to stop harming herself and
others is commendable... your perspective of the relationship may be
WAY out-of-bounds.
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[dawg]

2. MFM said it better than I can.

It could be a number of different issues with this guy. It doesn't mean he doesn't care. He could just be in denial.