Advice for overcoming a relationship that didn't work out.

[Mike 03]

After a long dry spell I met someone, and we hit it off really well for about six months, but it was complicated by the fact that she was my sister's best friend, and for reasons I would rather not go into, my sister drove a stake into the heart of this relationship, so that now neither my ex GF nor me are speaking to my sister, and everything is just wrecked. But my heart is broken. I miss being with her. We live within walking distance of each other, but it seems like none of us are in contact anymore. It's been a long time since I was married or in a relationship, so this one meant a lot to me, and I really like this person and miss her a lot, but I feel like this opportunity is gone. I am sure I will heal, but has anyone else been through one of these "false hopes" where things seem to really go great until they just tumble, and a family member might even be the one who brings the whole thing down. My sister set us up to destroy us. That may sound drastic, but I can't think of any other explanation. Why do you introduce two people, and see that they hit it off, and then destroy it?

Sorry... Rambling.

EDIT: Sorry, that is really incoherent! LOL

[Angry Dragon]

1. You are really not giving many facts about what your sister did

so the y only thing I would tell you is that I would walk over to the person that you miss so much and
tell her what you just wrote to us.
Tell her you miss her, that you like her a lot, and if the relationship is going to fail
then it should be the two of you to make it fail and not your sister.

[applegrove]

3. Cry. Get it out. You see things more clearly when you are sad. Then you renew your relationship

to the greater world and venture out.... just a little bit wiser and on a better path..... 'closer to fine' as the Indigo Girls sing.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

2. I am so sorry, my dear Mike 03...

Maybe your sister was jealous?

I don't know how anyone could do something so vile...

Are you sure your ex GF doesn't want anything to do with you? Have you attempted any sort of communication?

If she is really gone for good, then what you need is time. Lots of it.

I would not suggest that you try to find anyone new. You're still recovering and a new GF would really muddy the water. It wouldn't be fair to either of you.

Ramble all you want...:hug:

[emilyg]

4. Aww - I'm sorry.

[tblue]

5. Ohhhh Mike 03....

A broken heart is a shitty thing. I think you should try talking to this woman and ask her if she's willing to try once more. Tell her you thought you really had something between you. Don't beg, but let her know you think she's special. You have nothing to lose, right? Either way she goes, you'll never have to regret giving up too soon.

I have no idea what your sister did or if she bears any responibility for your breakup, but if you get back with your girlfriend, you as a couple might want to steer clear of sis for a few months til you are on a solid footing. She doesn't even need to know about your relationship. It's none of her business.

Otoh, there's this great little book called How to Survive the Loss of a Love. It's short and quick and it can help you recover faster and move on, if needed. It will help free you from the overwhelming worst of it. We've all been through it. It gets better.

Wishing you love and joy,
tblue

[RedCloud]

6. I say just chill. Try to do something else.

How could something that could have worked, not, unless both of you sans sister were not all that into it?

I don't think the two parties directly involved are both dedicated!

I say go for walks, AWAY from her house, maybe try to compose a book or something as you walk.

PS I won't tell you the ending of your story! But I think it will surprise you.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

10. If the relationship is really unsalvageable, do a bit of mourning; then remove yourself from her

and from anything that reminds you of her, as much as possible.

Concentrate on doing things that you enjoy or used to enjoy. Get together with platonic friends. Volunteer for a worthy cause. Take up a new hobby. Live as good a life as you can by yourself so that you don't become desperate for a relationship.

Avoid rebounds, although if someone expresses an interest in you after your s.o. has rejected you, it's good for the ego.

However, rebound relationships have a way of crashing and burning fast. What you're doing is trying to fill the void left by your s.o.'s departure with another relationship, because being alone hurts so bad. But it's really like breaking your ankle and just dosing yourself with painkillers instead of receiving proper medical treatment.

[BrendaBrick]

7. Since you asked for advice....

I will give you mine. (I've been known to give unsolicited advice, which I try real hard not to DO anymore - but - so, since you asked...) I'm the type of person who likes to get at the real root/truth of a problem. I guess, first off, I would ask, when you say: "We hit it off really well for about six months" - what was that like? (Never mind the ensuing family-related complications.) What was it about those initial six months? Was it a type of mutual thing? Do you think? What was it about those 6 months that made it so special?

If your sense is that it was pretty special...and that it was also felt to be pretty special from her as well, (and you can only know this for sure by asking her...) I guess this is where perhaps, there might be something authentic there to explore and expound upon just between the two of you, otherwise, it might take some harsh, critical thinking skills which needs to come into play.

I'm not going to go into some long-winded Freudian type of stuff here...for I believe that deep, down, deep, DEEP down, you pretty much already know the answers to your questions...though it probably might take a good bit of 'doing' on your part to kind of peel back those layers in order to expose the real truth.

Sometimes "relationships" (whether they 'fail' or 'succeed' - relative terms) are nothing more than an opportunity to learn more about ourselves. Specifically as we so ever try to align ourselves into a realm of unconditional love. First and foremost being the unconditional love we have for ourselves. (Poignant point, by the way).

After that, the cup just run-neth over...and that's really the bottom line. You don't want the responsibility of someone who is going to try to 'fill you' anymore than than you want to 'fill them'.

I don't think that's what it is all about....and movies such as "Jerry Maguire" which perpetuate such a sentimental notion as..."You Complete Me" is exactly where it belongs. In the movies. In a fictional realm. The fact is that WE COMPLETE OURSELVES...because only then can we FULLY and COMPLETELY have something meaningful to offer, without restrictions, without conditions or 'strings attached' and it would be my guess to connect with someone else who shares these values/traits just might have a good chance in advancing to the next level.

Unconditional love is really what throbs at the heart of it. There in no win-lose, no lose-win, only win-win when we relinquish expectations all the way around...and are comfortable with WHATEVER results either way. It's all good!

[undeterred]

8. Get a dog.

Its unconditional love.

[NightWatcher]

9. The best way to get over someone is to get on top of someone else.

A rebound will do wonders for your brain, emotions, and body.

[Grantuspeace]

11. One day at a time. Join a gym or lose a couple pounds to feel good about yourself.

Get a dog and go one walks. Eat healthier. Go on a vacation. Paint your living room or bedroom. Rearrange the furniture to make a clean start. Call an old friend you lost touch with. By yourself a new outfit. Do something special for yourself! Good luck!