Undercover Study Reveals 7 Out of 10 Keebler Elves Don't Wash Hands Before Returning To Workplace

[Amerigo Vespucci]

Above: Rogue Keebler Elf "Rusty" challenges Consumer Reports' undercover employee to "pull his finger."

CNN LOS ANGELES - A recent undercover study performed by Consumer Reports reveals that 7 out of 10 Keebler Elves who visit their workplace lavatories do not wash their hands before returning to work.

In exclusive footage screened by CNN reporters, a Keebler Elf named "Rusty" is shown walking past the sink in the men's room as another Elf, "Fernando," asks "Aren't you going to wash your hands?" "Rusty" replies "Washing hands is for CHUMPS, you PUTA!" grabbing his crotch and unleashing a string of expletives and uproarious laughter.

Consumer Reports told our reporters that "Fernando" is one of their employees, am undercover operative sent into the heart of Keebler operations to see if there were any improprieties.

Keebler CEO Ed Gein did not return our calls. MORE: Keebler Tosses Its Cookies In Undercover Sting Operation

[HopeHoops]

1. That explains the chocolate chip cookies.

:hide:

[krispos42]

2. And the fudge stripes.

O8)

[Denninmi]

3. Unfortunately, in the non-Elfen world, I see that a lot, too.

The large office building I work in has public restrooms instead of restrooms in each suite. I see far too many men walk out without ever going near soap and water. Nasty, nasty. I keep Purell at my desk to use AFTER washing my hands. I know this happens even in food service, which explains some of the outbreaks such as Hep A -- there was one here in Michigan a while back traced to a restaurant in the NE burbs of Detroit due to in infected cook who didn't wash his hands ....