Time again for Bucky's patented "How to Get the Babes" advice

[Bucky]

So, young man, you're looking to "score" with the "ladies." Well, say no more. You're in for the best advice of your "life."

• Finding quality women is the first step to any attempt to woo the fairer sex. Ideal locations include beaches, supermarkets, retirement homes, cheerleader camps, and gym locker rooms--anywhere you're likely to find a favorable male-to-female ratio. Make sure you bring along a pair of binoculars so that you know the right one to "pick out."
  
  
• Once on the date, call her "babe" a lot. This has the ancillary effect of preventing you from calling her the wrong name (e.g. "mommy")
  
  
• Gold chains. LOTS of gold chains. Best if you leave your shirt unbuttoned to the navel so they can see the whole chain.
  
  
• Collapsing beer cans against the forehead. This assures the ladies that you can protect them in case you're suddenly attacked by flying clown ninjas. (Note: it's better if you use your own forehead instead of the lady's)
  
  
• Let her know you appreciate her appearance. Say things like "You're hot" and "Check out them hooters" and "Woooohoooo!" frequently.
  
  
• Remove the price tag from the flowers. I highly recommend plastic flowers as they never go bad.
  
  
• "Accidentally" leave the price tag on the jewelry you buy her. She knows you love her, but she deserves to know exactly how much you love her.
  
  
• Women want to be know that you'll stay with them for the long run. Reassure her by letting her know that her mother has a "sweet ass."
  
  
• If her sister has a sweet ass, keep it yourself. I won't tell you how I learned this lesson, so you'll just have to trust me on this one.
  
  
• Women love a man who knows how to cook. When you make a beer run to the grocery store, stop by the frozen food section and stock up.
  
  
• When she's sharing her deepest feelings, nod frequently and make sure your ear jacked into your iPod is turned away from her. (Note: keep the volume turned down too!)
  
  
• Serenade her. Pick a timeless classic so that she feels like you think she's a classic. I suggest "Every Breath You Take" by the Police as stalking lends that extra spice to any relationship. Don't forget the winking and making little finger-pointy hand pistols at them once they're locked in the car. Drives 'em wild.

That's it, boys! Go get 'em, there's only a limited number of women in the universe and time is constantly running out... so get off your duffs and have at it! And remember to always practice safe sex. That means use the emergency break before hopping into the back seat.

[MorningGlow]

1. V. nice

My niece's BF calls her "babe" all the time. The fam doesn't like him much. :puke:

[rug]

2. This guy's got nothing on you.

[Chan790]

3. The Most Interesting Man in the World is really a nice Jewish boy from the Bronx.

His name is Jonathan Goldsmith and he's (almost) as interesting as the character he portrays. Mountain-rescuer, sailboat-resident, told off Dustin Hoffman before either of them was famous and stealer of Warren Beatty's dates. The New Yorker did a profile of him earlier this year.

http://www.newyorker.com/talk/2011/02/07/110207ta_talk_paumgarten

[rug]

4. Thanks. That was interesting.

[Bucky]

5. Thank you. Unlike the Most Interesting Man in the World, I *always* drink beer.

And when I do...

[rug]

6. Three is always better than two.

You should add that to your advice.

[MiddleFingerMom]

10. !!!

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[rug]

11. Just don't knead them.

I need them more.

[hobbit709]

7. Are you channeling Mr. Manly?

[siligut]

8. I was going to post something about blowing farts, then I read your post

I had not heard of Mr. Manly before, so I googled and found this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ZGfZIPqseA It is advice on how to pass gas in a manly manner.

[flvegan]

9. Utter nonsense.

I always comment on the sweetness of the sister's ass.

[Bucky]

12. Yes, but in your case, I just assumed the "sister with the sweet ass" was you checking out a nun.

[LynneSin]

13. Curious minds are wondering when you last got laid

With those tactics I'm guessing the 80s

[MrScorpio]

14. I take it that you're constantly swimming' in wimmens. nt

[libodem]

15. Ignored

Fer heck sakes I'm not that bad.


Bucky loves libodem.