Boo is at peace now - Democratic Underground

TorchTheWitch

(1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore

Fri Aug-05-11 01:49 PM
Original message

Boo is at peace now

At least I hope so. He's not in any pain or any kind of discomfort anyway. Me, I'm not doing so good.

All in all, he lasted ages longer with this cancer than anyone ever imagined. It just didn't come to an end the way I'd expected that it would. I would have thought that at some point the pain meds wouldn't work well enough for him anymore or the tumor in his leg would fracture the bone (and there's really not enough pain meds that would help at that point) or the cancer would have metastasized to his lungs like bone cancer normally does. As it turned out he started having fluid leaking into his abdominal cavity that just snowballed very quickly, and last night it got to the point where he could barely get up and even walk more than a few feet without collapsing just from trying to haul around the weight of his walrus belly on only three legs especially after so much weight loss and atrophy.

Through this whole experience he's been so stubbornly intent on being Mr. Happy Doggie regardless of all the problems his illness was causing, but last night I think he just finally gave up. Now I wish I'd had taken him to the vet yesterday, but yesterday he wasn't this bad, and since I figured today would be his last day I wanted that day and night with him. Monday he was bopping around all over the house and the yard getting into mischief, Tuesday he was just slower, Wednesday he needed help to get up any steps, Thursday he could barely traverse the room... it happened so quickly. Maybe it's better that it happened that way though so he wasn't doing a lot of suffering for long.

It worked out better for me too, I suppose in that I didn't have to face that last ride to the vet knowing for sure it was going to be his last ride. I still didn't know until getting him there today if the fluid build up was a bladder problem or something else (though I definitely suspected it wasn't any simple bladder problem because he was still peeing fine). Ever since I found out about his cancer and knowing we would have to take that last ride I'd been dreading it. When I lost my last dog it was the same sort of situation where on the ride there I didn't know if it was going to be his last visit or not and the decision was made while he was already there. I had been hoping that with Boo it would be the same sort of situation so I wouldn't have to face that last ride to the vet knowing for certain that's what it was, and that did turn out to be the case.

Though I knew since March I would be facing this "soon" I was soooo lucky that I got months of time with him that even the vet is amazed by, God almighty it's so damn hard in the end anyway. Why oh why must it hurt this much?

I'm blessed with the most wonderful vets in the world, and it turned out that his passing was as peaceful as could be and just the way I hoped it would be with Dr. P doing the deed because Boo was most comfortable with him. He even clipped off a couple of his toe nails and a tuft of his fur for me to keep not thinking it was an odd request at all and even said he has several similar pet keepsakes from his own animals he's gathered over the years... it's just nice to have a tiny little part of him that I can hold in my hand if I ever feel the need.

I'm even blessed with the most wonderful clients at my vet since when after it was done and I went out to the parking lot carrying his empty collar and leash two splendid ladies that were on their way home with their own pets came up to me and gave me hugs and said all the right things I needed to hear and even got all blubbery and teary-eyed themselves. God bless these wonderful people.

I spent the rest of the day throwing out his unused meds, gathering up his dishes, his toys, his blankie, etc. and bagging it all up and stowing it in the basement. I never realized how much of him is spread all over the house. Everywhere I look I still see bits of him, but the house is screaming with the silence of his absence. I hate it.

I'd been preparing for this for months, but it didn't make it any easier. But I guess something like this shouldn't ever be easy anyway. But God all fucking mighty does it ever HURT.