THANK you. - Democratic Underground

Amerigo Vespucci

(1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore

Fri Jul-22-11 07:00 PM
Original message

THANK you.

OK, I am obviously addressing this to DUers who know why I'd be thanking them, because otherwise, if you clicked in this, it's a matter of "what the hell are you THANKING me for?"

Have you ever seen the movie "Evil Dead" with Bruce Campbell?

One of the most BORING movies you will EVER see in your LIFE...but ONLY for the first 30 minutes or so.

One of the characters is playing solitaire, and all of a sudden, in a Linda Blair / Exorcist kind of voice, starts VIOLENTLY throwing down the cards and exclaiming "ACE of spades, KING of diamonds, QUEEN of hearts..."

And for the rest of the movie it is a brutal, unrelenting roller coaster ride.

That's been my life since March 30th, 2009.

You see, I had a client I was scheduled to meet that evening.

She was scheduled to pay me the equivalent of one month's rent as a 50% deposit on building her Website.

She did not show up.

Later she said she lost her Blackberry, and that she and her husband were looking at moving the business to downtown San Jose, and thank you for your patience.

Everything changed after that. I'm not going to go into detail here. I don't need to. The last two and a half years have been a matter of "if it doesn't kill me, it will make me stronger" years.

I am a single, straight male. I have no family beyond a sister in Nevada that I've only come to know and love in recent years, and one in Colorado who is filled with hate and self-loathing, who wrote me off for dead when she got her half of my mother's estate in 2003, went to Colorado Springs, bought a house for cash, and hasn't spoken to me since. When I was a kid, everyone called her my "second mother." I loved her beyond words. When she went to California to live with her new husband, I went through separation anxiety like I can't describe.

In 1972, the family...my mom, my dad, my sister, my brother-in-law...were reunited in California.

In 1993, my dad died.

In 2002, my mom went to go be with him.

I was the executor of her estate. I spent 14 months of my life dealing with an attorney and the California Probate system.

And in the end, all of the things my parents tried to do in order to keep the family together on their passing sent it scattering to the four winds.

"Get a life" is a popular reaction to people who spend time online.

I've never met a single DUer in real life. Some day, if I'm in the right place and the right time, maybe.

"Cyber Relationships" are an odd duck. I don't think they "replace" friends you can call up and meet in a half hour for a cup of coffee.

But if you are reading this, here's what I want to say to you.

My "cyber friends" on DU...who I frequently refer to as my POSSE...I love you guys.

You haven't met me, either...but I have been howling in pain and two weeks ago legitimately thought I was going to die.

And you were THERE for me. You encouraged me, you offered helpful suggestions, and what I want you to know today is that the last three days have resulted in a remarkable 360 degree about-face.

I basically changed my attitude.

I stopped feeling sorry for myself, stopped blaming other people, and got out and did what an entrepreneur...ESPECIALLY if that entrepreneur is a sole proprietor, as I am...does.

I don't want to insult you with pop psychology or new age crap, but I can tell you in my OWN experience, that I was suffering like I have never suffered in my life, and I changed my attitude, and everything else changed for the better.

If anyone reading this is filled with anger, or self-pity, or is blaming other people for their life, please...I beg of you...stop right now.

It's all on you. It's your world. You construct it or you call in the wrecking ball.

NO one has ANY responsibility for your life, your happiness...OTHER THAN YOU.

And DUers who know me know that I am a Christian.

Don't blame God.

If you believe in God, don't hold a tin cup out to God and act like a beggar.

IF you believe in God, you were given EVERYTHING YOU NEED while you were in the WOMB to be happy and successful.

And if you don't believe in God, the same principle applies.

It's all on you. You don't "need" a DAMNED THING.

Just go out and BE YOU, unrelentingly.

Life is too damned short. Be happy, right now. No matter what you have in the bank, whether you're alone or with your soul mate, just stop what the hell you're doing right now and give thanks for what you have.

Some of you will have a better idea of what I'm talking about than others.

That's OK.

All that needs to be said is that I was in pain, you folks sent your prayers and vibes and encouragement, and things changed.

You have encouraged me, in your kindness, to "take care of myself."

I am.

I love you guys. THANK you.